Round 4: Prince Humperdinck v Col. Nathan R. Jessup


Missy

The Douchies  

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Who: Prince Humperdinck

Actor: Chris Sarandon

Movie: The Princess Bride

Douche move(s): Forces a young woman to marry him against her will, plots her kidnapping and assassination to stage a war, tortures her true love to ("mostly") death, lies about said true love's fate to his bride-to-be, is named Humperdinck.

Who: Col. Nathan R. Jessup

Actor: Jack Nicholson

Movie: A Few Good Men

Douche move(s): Had a soldier under his command killed, falsified documents, reveled in his power, and sexually harassed another officer.

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A war-hungry Prince versus a power-mad Colonel, both of whom learn nothing at the end of the day. This is an exceptionally tough one, but I'm going with Humperdinck for two reasons:

01. Col. Jessup isn't the leader of a nation. He's a powerful man who surely has many connections and secrets he can use to his advantage should that day come, but there's a power structure that keeps him from plunging the United States into all-out war. He can't do whatever he wants without someone noticing, as A Few Good Men demonstrates. Humperdinck, however, is the Prince and will remain so until he dies, there's a coup d'état, or another nation wins a war with his. And that brings me to the other reason:

02. Jessup is headed for (at least) a forced retirement and (at worst) serious jail time. Yet Prince Humperdinck is still in power come the end of The Princess Bride. There's literally nothing stopping him from getting his coveted war.

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Humperdinck completely satisfies the definition of douchebag, whereas I could otherwise define Jessup as an intimidating bully. I don't believe douchebags to be intimidating; nasty and manipulative, sure, but if they have to be personally pathetic to some degree. And that's what draws the line in the sand for me - Jessup is evil, whereas I can't even join the word "evil" as an adjective to describe Prince Humperdinck. He's simply a douche.

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Why I loathe Colonel Jessup Part I:

1. Sexual harassment of Demi Moore (or rather, a ranked military official) in a professional setting; cannot debase another officer other than to pull personal information (i.e, her gender) into his rhetoric to shame her, thereby lowering her professional status. He does this so that he, who is already a higher rank than she, can feel even loftier. Suck it, Jessup.

2. I hate bullies more than villains. Humperdink is a villain and has not risen to power based on an oath to defend and protect the citizens of his nation. Jessup did. He lied to a country that trusted him to be noble. Princes and kings in the renaissance era were not known for their nobility. No one expected Humperdink to be a hero.

3. I was bullied in elementary school, junior high school and high school. I hate Old Boys clubs.

4. Eyebrows. It's all in the eyebrows. Look at him.

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Both have lots of power and have exploited it for their own agendas. I think I'm going to have to go with Jessup though due to the sheer cleverness with which he uses his power.

There's also the fact that (as far as I know) Humperdink inherited his title and so on some level has been nurtured into his ways by his class. Colonel Jessup was given his status by people who clearly thought he was trustworthy enough to be given power in order to, as Shana says, to defend and protect his country.

Jessup is a more dangerous, stealth-douche. Like Jimmy Saville.

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