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Every Film You've Watched in 2015

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A New Year, a New Thread.

His Girl Friday: I wanted to start out the year with a good movie and, since Chris is always going on about it, I figured sure, let's watch the awesome movie I haven't seen since High School. No regrets.

Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return: Speaking of regrets, a ton of famous people must have a ton of pictures that the producers got a hold of to force them to do voices for this shit. Terrible CGI, bad writing, and so many phoned in performances. Probably a cubic ton of Ben Kingsley and Eric Roberts Paychecks!

Feature Films: 2

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His Girl Friday: I wanted to start out the year with a good movie and, since Chris is always going on about it, I figured sure, let's watch the awesome movie I haven't seen since High School. No regrets.

Rosalind Russell giving one of the greatest performances in Hollywood history, Cary motherfucking Grant, one of the greatest screenplays ever penned, and one of the best films directed by Howard Hawks, the greatest American director.

Yeah, it's okay.

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Flatliners: How is it that Joel Schumacher never directed a Nightmare on Elm Street movie?

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Hobbit 3: I don't know what I was expecting.

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Hairspray: The musical adaptation of the original film. Much of the casting seems to have been done via throwing darts. As far as adaptations go, it's not terrible but it's not great either. It's a tangent for another day but most modern movie musicals have a problem with feeling a little too stagey. This is no exception but the dance sequences are pretty above average and most of the cast is still seeming to have fun. John Travolta is just weird to watch here.

Feature Films: 3

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The Woman In Black 2 : Angel of Death. Much like the first one. Not very original but then again that is not the reason to see it. Much like the first one the scenery is very much like stages, everything is stylized. I hope Hammer makes more of these films and less Paranormal Activity knockoffs like "Quiet Ones."

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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes: Watched this with the boys after buying it on Boxing Day. It really holds up. The effects a little less cohesive on a TV instead of the theatre screen, but it doesn't detract from the film. Great performances from all of the ape characters. The humans did alright too. I'll be watching this with the boys again this year. One of the best of 2014, by far.

Feature Films: 1

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Loved the ape stuff, especially Koba, but thought the human side was pretty bad. A couple great and some good actors, but they didn't get a script that could make me care. Still enjoyed the movie and am looking forward to the next one.

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The Phantom of the Opera: The 2000's adaptation of the stage musical. I used to be a huge fan of the stage show. The movie... I mean, it's Joel Schumacher. I don't know what expectations you had. The amazing thing is the three leads (Emmy Rossum, Gerard Butler, Patrick Wilson) would go onto to do bigger and better things without being tainted by this film. Another thing that I hate about Stage to Screen adaptations is when they decide to translate lyrics to dialogue. It's obvious that I'm hearing a song being spoken out, not words. Since the original musical is almost without any dialogue, there is a ton of this. Also, Minnie Driver. Holy crap, Minnie Driver in this movie. She does none of her own singing (with the exception of the song over the credits oddly) and is so over the top that you'd think she was auditioning for Showgirls: The Musical. Also, a random little person. No one ever seems to acknowledge that he's there, he just is.

Feature Films: 4

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Big Eyes: By far the least "Tim Burton-y" film out of all Tim Burton films I've ever seen. Not a moment of black and white, as this movie's completely swimming in warm pink colors. I quite enjoyed it, but Christoph Waltz chews the scenery like it's his last meal. It works for the utter douchebag character he's playing, as you want to punch him more and more as the movie goes on. He has this perma-Jokerish smile on his face the entire time. Amy Adams did a great job, although she's also stuck on "about to cry" mode as an acting choice. None of the above kept be from enjoying the movie though.

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The Quiet Man: I've seen this a hundred times, I never love it any less. Basically: John Ford directs a Shakespeare comedy set in Ireland starring John Wayne at his best and the amazing Maureen O'Hara at her hottest. The result is the best romantic comedy of all time.

And Ward Bond (the most underrated actor of the era) owns the piece as the narrator/Catholic priest.

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Stand By Me: I've always wanted to see this movie from the beginning, having caught faint excerpts on television now and then. Holy crap, it was terrific. It's almost an actor's movie in that it's entirely carried by the kid actors who all went on to bigger things afterward. It's such a sad film, but barely stops before being depressing. Like the Sandlot if J.M. DeMatties wrote it.

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The Phantom of the Opera: The 2000's adaptation of the stage musical. I used to be a huge fan of the stage show. The movie... I mean, it's Joel Schumacher. I don't know what expectations you had. The amazing thing is the three leads (Emmy Rossum, Gerard Butler, Patrick Wilson) would go onto to do bigger and better things without being tainted by this film. Another thing that I hate about Stage to Screen adaptations is when they decide to translate lyrics to dialogue. It's obvious that I'm hearing a song being spoken out, not words. Since the original musical is almost without any dialogue, there is a ton of this. Also, Minnie Driver. Holy crap, Minnie Driver in this movie. She does none of her own singing (with the exception of the song over the credits oddly) and is so over the top that you'd think she was auditioning for Showgirls: The Musical. Also, a random little person. No one ever seems to acknowledge that he's there, he just is.

Feature Films: 4

I do not consider Dragonball Evolution to be a bigger and better movie than Phantom of the Opera.

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The American Remake of Shameless, which she is terrific in, was what I was talking about.

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Brave: I don't like most Disney animated films. I think they're mostly made by committee bullshit. But I know I'm not the audience for it. This one, however, was fucking great. Merida is a genuinely GREAT character. It was funny and fun and had real stakes. My kids got bows and arrows for Christmas, so they wanted to see it. They love Merida too.

Feature Films: 2

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I like how different Brave is from other Disney movies. It was nice to see the parents survive for a change.

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So far, I've seen the following:

Guardians of the Galaxy: Second time around, still a pretty good movie. I actually managed to notice a few things that I didn't notice before, like how the Slither monster is in the Collector's trophy room.

Wild: The new Reese Witherspoon flick, which is actually really cool. She plays someone who's life got punched in the throat after her mom died, and she decides to hike from the Mexican border to the Canadian border. I'd really recommend it.

Sunshine: Danny Boyle really does know how to make a good movie

Feature Films: 3

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Sunshine: Danny Boyle really does know how to make a good movie

That he does. But he also made The Beach.

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And Slumdog Millionaire.

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Everyone's allowed a couple of mistakes.

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Slumdog Millionaire wasn't bad, per se. It was incessantly mainstream.

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Housebound: review forthcoming

Feature Films: 3

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Justice League: Throne of Atlantis: Don't know what I was expecting. What they're doing is making a series because everything in this one is building directly off of the previous movie, right down to the relationships. They do make a good job of making Aquaman credible though at least.

Feature Films: 4

Direct to DVD: 1

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I don't know. One minute he's a lonely drunk, the next he's 'hey I can talk to fish now!', the next 'Look at me, I'm King of The Sea!'.

It was a bit abrupt.

Decent film though. Even if Shazam was annoying.

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Under The Skin: review forthcoming

Feature Films: 4

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