Every Film You've Watched in 2017


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Mindhorn: Starring Steve Coogan, Kenneth Branagh, one of the guys from The Mighty Boosh, Miss Phryne Fisher, Birdman's girlfriend, Fake Odin, and Alonso. Think Alpha Papa meets David Hasselhoff or Rex Smith trying to stage a comeback today. Highly recommended.

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Sorceress (1982) - This was a Dread Media review some seven months ago, I listened about a month ago and watched it just now.  Darryll calling it basically 'badass sword & sorcery van art in movie form' made me need to watch this.  And it disappointed.  I was bored mostly.  But I didn't grow up with these kinda of movies so I don't really have a fondness for the genre.

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4 hours ago, Professor said:

Sorceress (1982) - This was a Dread Media review some seven months ago, I listened about a month ago and watched it just now.  Darryll calling it basically 'badass sword & sorcery van art in movie form' made me need to watch this.  And it disappointed.  I was bored mostly.  But I didn't grow up with these kinda of movies so I don't really have a fondness for the genre.

I mean, that description is perfect, so I don't know what you expected going in, unless you're REALLY invested in airbrushed van art. :P

Firestarter: Holy shit, this is wayyyyyyy better than the book. Review forthcoming

Features: 59

Shorts: 21

Documentaries: 5

Rewatches: 0

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Care Bears Movie 2: Look, sometimes you're day drunk and feel like watching a shitty movie from your childhood, okay?

Digimon Adventure Tri: Reunion: It's still a pretty good sequel to the original series.

Back to the Future Part 2: It's a good sequel that pales in comparison to an exceedingly good original.

Films: 74
Made-For-TV Movie: 2
MST3K/Rifftrax: 16
Repeats: 3

Best Film So Far: All About Eve
Best Film So Far that isn't one of Will's five favorite of all time: Duck Soup

Worst Film So Far That Isn't Showgirls: Cruel Intentions 2

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9 hours ago, Dread said:

Firestarter: Holy shit, this is wayyyyyyy better than the book. Review forthcoming

It's been at least 15 years since I read the book, but, if I recall, isn't half of it the dad complaining about headaches and chewing aspirin?

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1 minute ago, The Master said:

It's been at least 15 years since I read the book, but, if I recall, isn't half of it the dad complaining about headaches and chewing aspirin?

Haha, yeah. That's about four seconds of the movie.

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On 6/5/2017 at 2:11 AM, Dread said:

I mean, that description is perfect, so I don't know what you expected going in, unless you're REALLY invested in airbrushed van art. :P

 

To be fair, the last ten minutes was fun.  Lion-horse-bat shooting lasers?  I don't own a van, but I'd slap that on the side in a second. It was just everything else that I found boring. 

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The Beastmaster: Talk about a film that would seemingly appeal to children NOT MEANT FOR KIDS AT ALL. Killing pregnant women, children, gratuitous nudity, violent murder. This is a typical 80s adventure film if I ever saw on in that they gave NO fucks. I enjoyed it. It was absolutely hilarious.

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4 hours ago, Donomark said:

The Beastmaster: Talk about a film that would seemingly appeal to children NOT MEANT FOR KIDS AT ALL. Killing pregnant women, children, gratuitous nudity, violent murder. This is a typical 80s adventure film if I ever saw on in that they gave NO fucks. I enjoyed it. It was absolutely hilarious.

Seriously one of my all-time favorite movies. The movie opens with the ritual murder of a baby. Fucking fantastic. The great Don Coscarelli.

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True Beastmaster story: my childhood was full of my dad telling me stories about his misspent youth. True stories, but he always made up weird names for his friends. I won't type the names here as it's basically my story, but one of the names was Rip Torn. So, I'm like 9 and sitting on the couch eating Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup and Beastmaster comes on TBS. 

The ritual murder scene is the opener and the credits play through it. The name Rip Torn comes up. I jump up and run to the hole in the floor of the laundry room (dad was in our crawlspace for some reason) "Dad! Dad! Dad!" I hear a bang and an "aw fuck!" as my dad's head hits the floor support beams above him. He crouches and walks to the opening. 

"What's going on?"

"Dad, your friend is on TV! I think he killed a baby!"

"WHAT?" (dad's a lapsed Catholic, so upon further review, his mind probably went to abortion) "Who?!"

"Rip Torn!" I said.

A second of a puzzled look and then a laugh and a head shake and my dad returned to the crawlspace. THAT was when I knew that everything I knew was a lie.

Also, Tanya Roberts is crazy hot.

 

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Warcraft: I blame the couple of drinks and the near total lack of anything with substence on.

Shaun of the Dead: A textbook example of how a Horror Comedy should balance the two aspects of its existence.

Deadpool: One of the best Action Comedies of the last couple of years. Has a couple of problems here and there but it works.

Films: 77
Made-For-TV Movie: 2
MST3K/Rifftrax: 16
Repeats: 3

Best Film So Far: All About Eve
Best Film So Far that isn't one of Will's five favorite of all time: Duck Soup

Worst Film So Far That Isn't Showgirls: Cruel Intentions 2

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Wonder Woman: in short, better than anything Marvel Studios or DCEU has had to offer. Not sure if it's the best superhero movie of all time, but it's damn near close.

Features: 62

Shorts: 21

Documentaries: 5

Rewatches: 0

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Interview with a Vampire: In a word, 

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I really enjoyed this. It's a little OTT, but is more successful in conveying emotion than Bram Stoker's Dracula which drowned in Gary Oldman's performance. Brad Pitt's pretty pouty, both figuratively and literally, but Tom Cruise was awesome throughout. Kirsten Dunst did a terrific job of playing a bratty immortal girl who could become REALLY sinister whenever the script needed her to. I thought she was great. Antonio Banderas was great. And I seriously loved that all the gay overtones remained intact. I was practically begging Pitt to kiss Banderas at the end. Even the really skeevy bits like Pitt and Dunst's relationship was boldly alluded to without ever become excessive. It's easy to see how the source material birthed the sexy vampire craze that really came into hard effect in the late 2000s, but this was something I quickly became invested in. It's not perfect, but I really liked it. 

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Red Sonja: I don't think this was one of the "WORST MOVIES EVER" that a lot of people cast it as, but it wasn't very good. It was entertaining, but Arnold carries most of the movie. Ernie Reyes Jr. wasn't a bad actor when he was seven, but he was written to be very annoying. And Bridgette Nielson, bless her, did not do a good job at all. The villain was campy fun though.

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