The "I need to vent" thread


Missy

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I've had writer's block since April. I have about three papers that are almost done that I haven't finished because I'm so afraid of failure. For the past couple of months, I've looked at the bottle of Jack Daniels on my kitchen counter and have wanted to drink the entire thing. I didn't drink the whole thing, but I just drank from it straight for awhile. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just needed to say that out loud after acting like everything was fine.

Finish them. Send them to me and I'll look at them for you.

Since I'm on strike, my school year is basically over. I'm getting withdrawals. Your stuff will be a million times better than my students, anyway.

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I ended up sleeping downstairs last night since Matt is out of town and I was too lazy to go back upstairs after falling asleep watching something on my laptop. Cue me getting woken up by a crash at 7. A lighting fixture that hangs above the downstairs bed had from where it hangs, two of the lightbulbs breaking. It just barely misses hitting me. Does hit my lappy which, after I dust off and clean everything else off, I notice is lagging. I go to restart it and it's telling me that it's experiencing a disk failure. Thankfully I have my desktop to fall back on though this is all still annoying as fuck. I only really lost some game saves and the episode of BDH that Hannah and I had recorded for this week. Still, the part that pisses me off. If Matt had been here, that would have hit him head on. It just barely missed me.

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  • 3 weeks later...

For those of you who don't know, I work as a paralegal at a law firm despite not being a qualified lawyer, per se. That being said, my firm have been uber-supportive in helping to train me and paying for my study with a third party body. There are three stages:

  1. Level 3 - akin to A Level standard/whatever exams you take aged 18 in North America
  2. Level 6 - akin to undergraduate level standard law
  3. A specified duration of practice after qualifying

Both Level 3 and Level 6 typically take 2 years each to complete, but my tutors worked me out a programme to fit Level 3 into a period of 15 months based on the fact I have a fairly academic background. I took the last exams for Level 3 in January and discovered I had passed them at the end of March, which led to my declaration that I was 1/3 a lawyer at the time. All things considered, Level 3 was plain sailing - I buggered up one exam last year, but aced the re-take. For Level 3, we got training days at our head office in Manchester, which led to me having the odd day here and there on expenses staying overnight in what is arguably now England's second city (my apologies to any Brummies out there).

The problems began with Level 6 - those of us who were progressing to that level (of my two closest study buddies, one is currently on maternity leave and the other was made redundant a month later), we were given an induction a week after finishing the Level 3 exams in January, outlining a suggested timetable for the next year, aiming to sit two of the four examined modules in January 2015. The training college had training materials of their own which were promptly delivered to my office, but unlike Level 3, I had to do external reading from the suggested reading list as a means of completing my compulsory study exercises (6 per module). So I sent an email to the new co-ordinator at my office's Learning & Development department who had replaced our previous contact, asking her to order the books on the reading list.

Our previous contact was great and, moreover, very accessible despite the fact she was based in a different office, and it was a genuine shame to see her go. Her replacement is the exact opposite. Of the three books I ordered in late February, I have received two books - the one which was actually on my request list arrived in July, whereas the other book - on Criminal Law, a module that I am not studying and therefore a book I did not request - arrived in June. Since February, I have sent email upon email asking for updates as to the status of the books, as the longer the delay, the narrower window I have to actually study and complete my compulsory exercises. The responses I have got back (rarely with any degree of urgency) have given me assurances that they were sent, shifting blame to those responsible for the internal mail and giving expected delivery dates which never materialised. I have printed and collated all of these emails and showed them to my line manager at least twice, and he's sympathetic but is slightly out of the loop as he's just come back from a 2 week vacation.

Worse still, I have not been able to formally complain about her lack of professionalism as July-August is the time that her department decides whether or not to renew financial support of legal training. For an application that I had to re-submit by 4 July, I only got my approval on 26 August (again, several weeks after she intimated a decision would be made). I was then given another form to fill out this past Thursday to confirm which modules needed funding. I sent a separate email to my tutor to check a detail on Friday, but didn't get an immediate response. Come Monday, I received a chaser email from L&D stating that today was the deadline for that form to be completed, so I had to down tools from what I was meant to be doing and ring up the law school directly to get an answer to my query to satiate a demand that had not even been indicated on the previous Thursday. A case of "Do as I say, not as I do" with regards to deadlines.

The real kick in the pants was when my tutor did respond to me today, stating that my workplace had stated they would only enter candidates for the January 2015 exams on the proviso that they had submitted a minimum of 3 study exercises per module by mid-October when exam registration was due. It is early September, and I have not even started either module based upon the lack of materials by my own employer. At the very least, the book I have received is the only one I need for one of the modules, so I can at least get that kickstarted and turn in my 3 study exercises for Employment Law in 6 weeks, admittedly after not as much time as I would have liked. As for my other module, I am 0/2 for requested books and I now have 6 weeks to salvage the bare minimum to be accepted for my exams.

Essentially my own firm's decree of a minimum standard for what I should be reaching is being actively undermined by their own L&D co-ordinator and her incompetence in ordering books. I could have ordered these books myself back in February and claimed them back on expenses, allowing me months of time to properly study. Instead, I now have to complete 6 essays in as many weeks - lord knows if marking time factors into this - ON TOP of working full time. All of my non-essential commitments I now have to put on a backburner (Comic Reel-lief mainly, but also my museum journal and other projects - TABHAL and HAA! are the only exceptions), and even if I complete these 6 in time, I still have to complete the other 6 to fulfil my commitment afterwards even before I get to my exams.

This is a major test of my abilities, let alone my patience, and it's all because someone cannot order some sodding books. It ISN'T difficult, but the fact that the L&D co-ordinator did not take charge of sorting me out at the time has put me under a whole lot of pressure, and shown up her lack of professionalism. I will do what I can, but now that I don't have to worry about the funding, I feel in the mood to rattle cages about this. And I am NOT someone who seeks out conflict, but this has seriously hacked me off.

....in short, that's my excuse for probably not reviewing Guardians of the Galaxy until the end of the year!

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

It's not nice to threaten suicide to your friend online at 1:00am in the morning, not respond to any follow-up questions after that, have that friend call the police and get back to you at 3:00am saying "Oh sorry, I was talking with some friends! Were you worried?". Be considerate.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Please remind me to never let the 19 year old I had housesit while I was out the last twelve days do so ever, ever again.

Backstory: Ali is a lovely girl in a relationship with one of my friends. She recently got her GRE, and pretty much dropped her entire life in Indiana to move to be closer to boyfriend (she was unemployed, so, not that much to drop at least. Still.). Boyfriend and her have been in a relationship barely 5 months at that point. Whenever she comes to Madison, she is looking for places to stay, as her boyfriend is poly and married (all parties are on the up and up), but are not out to his wife's family, and they are currently living with her grandmother. I offered her my place to stay, as a housesitter, for the ten days I was out so that she could have an easy Madison base and somewhere to stay. I thought she seemed mature/responsible enough to be able to take care of my cat/the house while she was staying. Yeah, not so much.

At one point during the time I'm out, I'm messaging with her to check in, and she mentions wanting to clean my place because it's tripping her OCD. I say, okay, cool, no worries. So, I expect to come home with things a little bit cleaner.

I come home Sunday night to the following:

-A cleaned bathroom (great! this is lovely! this does not make up for the rest of it)

-A sink full of dishes that have clearly not been done for at least a week

-Mold growing in said sink

-A heat sensitive Dr. Who mug that has all the paint peeling off bc she left it in water

-Two litter boxes that clearly have not been done in at least three days

-A work shirt that was used as a rag for cat yak when I KNOW there was paper towel for her to use

-A fridge that has the equivalent of at least four meals that she opened up, chose not to eat, and didn't close so they now have large amounts of mold blossoming on them, thus shorting me out food for this week and beyond

-A pantry that has clearly been raided because she didn't find anything she wanted to eat, and my own reserves clearly cut into, thus interfering with my ability to feed myself

-Stuff I asked her not to touch food wise at least half or more gone

-Trash all over the place, and at least one pair of panties left over

-A cat acting a bit on the weird side and now has been for the last few days (reluctant to eat unless I specifically put food down in front of her, reluctant to use the litter box but will do so, clingy)

She sent me a message saying she was going to spend her last night with her boyfriend instead of staying there when I messaged her earlier that evening on the way home, but she shouldn't have left without at least taking care of her trash, I feel like. And notice about the other stuff too would've been really nice, and she shouldn't have pretended like everything was going fine, when it clearly wasn't.

(And also there's an unrelated thing where her boyfriend, a close friend of mine, is now worried about me being in a massive depression bc of the state of my place, which wasn't exactly fantastic, and is actually accurate, but now I feel embarassed.)

Honestly, if it had only been a few of these things, I wouldn't be mad at her right now, but the combination of all of that, and the fact that I now have to figure out what I actually have left in my fridge and freezer and pantry and get real creative about how I feed myself until payday and I can go grocery shopping, and I'm really pissed at her. And I can't really say anything to her about it or to her boyfriend, so I'm venting here.

Honestly, it's probably that, the normal comedown after spending time away from home and kind of wanting to go back, con/travel crud, and the fact that some asshole stole my iPad off the bus I was on earlier last week all coming together in a whirlwind of NOPE

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  • 2 weeks later...

Okay, unpopular opinion time.

So the Internet has made up its mind regarding media violence. "It's totally cool and has no relation to real life violence." No one with another point of view will get respect or be given credibility despite the validity of their argument. I find it somewhat disconcerting the way people today seem to be so deathly afraid of censorship and the removal of violent media.

Nearly every news article regarding yesterday's shooting is evidence of this. Rather than mourning the loss and looking for prevention methods, all the top comments are analogous to "We're about to see a news report about the video game he played last night," as if it's an absurd baseless reaction, when in reality, it's a crucial detail. We are such a violence consuming culture that we cannot imagine censorship of any kind. "Freedom of Speech! Freedom of Speech!" "Right to Bear Arms! Right to Bear Arms!" Don't give me that shit when kids are being shot at school. The idea that there is a correlation may not be accurate, but the extreme adamancy that it’s not even worth considering is absurd and frustrating. The love of violent media and fear of losing it, disturbs me.

"I play violent video games and I don't kill people" is not sufficient evidence for ignoring this altogether. The life and habits of violence people need to be examined and unfortunate correlations must be considered. It's been made clear that violent media can have a negative impact on some people combating mental issues.

I'm not making any kind of definitive statement; I'm just offering the fact that everyone seems to be brushing off an issue. And people's obsession with violent media and abhorrence of censorship is slightly disturbing. Okay, off my soapbox.

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It's less the love of violent media than it is the frustration with its constant scapegoating.

The idea that there is a correlation may not be accurate, but the extreme adamancy that it’s not even worth considering is absurd and frustrating,

You're treating the idea like it's never been explored, as if watchdog groups haven't lobbied for studies to be conducted, and then conducted again when the results didn't jive with their conclusions. It's been considered since the start of the medium, the same way comic books and heavy metal and horror movies were explored and studied over and over with no correlation.

The whole "kids are being shot something has to be done" thought process isn't wrong, but it's an emotional response that has consistently lead people on witch hunts for easy targets because "we need easier and better access to mental health care" isn't a sexy headline.

I do abhor censorship, but that's sorta irrelevant. To look towards media instead of deep seeded psychological problems IS brushing off and ignoring the real issue.

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Better and easier access to mental health care is an absolute must. That's easily the most pressing issue. But there is evidence of violent media affecting trouble youth, and I don't think it should be ignored. I absolutely don't think media is the primary problem, it has to do with psychological problems, that is undeniable.

Infact you make all good points in your post, your argument doesn't bother me. It just rubbed me the wrong way that I see this terrible story about a troubled youth murdering children and then the top comment is something about "all these dumb journalists are going to try to ban video games now!" just seems so distasteful and selfish.

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Well, you have to understand we've been dealing with this kind of thing for decades now, so there's going to be that response since the sad truth is that nothing is actually going to be done. Robin Williams committed suicide and depression was a headline for, what, a week? Nothing changed. The shootings piss off and break the hearts of gamers as much as anyone else, and the root of that is in the same frustration.

The evidence of violent media influencing troubled youth isn't a cause of the media, it's an affect of being troubled in the first place, just as you acknowledged. The shooter probably drank milk as well. Should we ban milk? Yeah, that's an extreme, but it starts opening a can of worms and a slippery slope when we start to legislate behavior.

The only question that needs to be asked is this. Will banning violent media prevent or even reduce shootings? No, it won't. It can't. The issues run deeper and it only serves to stifle any progress when we even look in that direction.

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Fair enough. But using, "there's nothing to be done" as a justification for not addressing an issue is unacceptable. Sure, banning violent video games will not prevent violence, but you understand why they're so scrutinized. There's no reason to believe that Milk would affect a person's behaviour but going home to play games where you walk around shooting people and then for someone to go out and do it. It's a reasonable assumption to make.

And not to continue harping on this issue but for a highschool Freshmen to have access to a handgun is another thing. Yet people refuse to address gun laws in any reasonable way. How many school shootings have we seen since Columbine? And how have we restricted teenagers' access to weapons? In my state it's actually become easier. The kid who acted in the most recent shooting, according to the information that's known, didn't have significant mental problems. He just went to a handgun as the answer to his feelings. That should never have been an option.

Every time one of these horrific shootings occur all the issues re-emerge and then as you said, nothing happens. I think it was Einstein who said not changing behaviour but expecting different results is insanity.

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But going after violent video games wouldn't be a departure from the norm. It's been done and nothing was fixed. Again, you're acting like it hasn't been studied or addressed before. "We should go after games because even though they've been proven to have no effect, we would look bad for ignoring them because people make assumptions" is a silly justification.

Not changing anything but expecting different results would be exactly the road you're proposing.

There's plenty to be done to address the issue. They just flat out won't do it. So settling for another option simply so people can say that they did "something" is useless.

The gun control thing is a different issue entirely and one that no one wants to argue with me about.

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Well there are things to be done.

-Gun control laws (not gonna happen in the current gridlocked Senate/House)

-Increased mental health support/access (see above)

And I'd say that given the kid shot a girl who wouldn't go out with him on this latest round, that there's maybe to be something to be said on the entitlement of men (and the profile of a mass shooter being a white man being the default) more than anything else, but that's an argument we're not gonna get into, because it's not gonna go well.

We didn't do fucking shit after Sandy Hook, and frankly, if that wasn't enough to get people to look real hard at the current state of affairs, we aren't going to do anything about it, barring a major change in the political culture, which isn't going to happen anytime in the next 20 years.

So yeah, we're absolutely shrugging and saying, what is there to do, because no one is willing to address anything that will actually CHANGE what happens.

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I'm not going to get into a huge gun thing because it's been done to death, but gun control laws don't work and won't make a difference. Sorry. More legislation to prevent firearms in the hands of law abiding citizens is not going to prevent them getting in the hands of people already willing to break the law. Whenever anyone has the thought "there aught to be a law", nine times out of ten, there shouldn't be.

It's a culture and society problem, and those aren't changed with laws or hashtags or anything else that would be perceived as quick and easy.

Not touching the "man" thing cause.. yeah. I'm just not.

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There is not a gun in my house, none of my close friends have access to guns. It wouldn't be too hard for one of my classmates to access a weapon but it would be inconvenient. Now I go to a liberal private school. EVERY SINGLE ONE of these kids lived in gun-holding houses. People with mental issues have some traumatic experience and in that emotional or mental confusion they bring their gun to school. If they don't have immediate access to a weapon, I guarantee you it would be a deterrent. Now college shootings and above are a different story.

But going after violent video games wouldn't be a departure from the norm. It's been done and nothing was fixed. Again, you're acting like it hasn't been studied or addressed before. "We should go after games because even though they've been proven to have no effect, we would look bad for ignoring them because people make assumptions" is a silly justification.

Has there really ever been anything done? I don't think so, nothing major. And it's not like we've proven they have no effect, it's constantly debated and many reliable studies have found correlations as well as some that haven't. Truth is, we don't know. Psychological Science in the Public Interest itself has done many studies to varying results. I'm not saying lets do it for the hell of it. I'm saying lets not get defensive and ignore things that might be relevant.

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Neither you nor your close friends are criminals nor deeply disturbed to the point of wanting to commit murder. Correlation is not causation and whether they have a gun within reach isn't as much of a deterrent as you'd think. There have been study after study that show that, in fact, areas with stricter gun laws have MORE violent crime, not less, just as the opposite is also true. It turns out that making guns easy to access for good people makes the bad people think twice about going on killing sprees.

And yes, there have been major studies. Repeatedly. Many of which started before you were even born. Doom and Mortal Kombat sparked parental rage for years. If you want to post links back and forth of statistics to prove our points, we can, but it won't change your mind.

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Your first point is spot on but completely irrelevant. And I want to make clear that I'm talking about school shootings exclusively, what I am saying is that there are two things all these shooters have in common. One - mental issues, Two - easy access to guns. We need to be addressing BOTH issues, not which ever one is more convenient for the vast majority of Americans.

High school kids should not have as easy access to weapons as many of these shooters do. Time and time again it's been seen that mental health issues and gun access are a deadly combination, regardless of what statistics you can pick and choose.

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The thing is, the gun control path is the more convenient answer because a) the "solutions" are more defined, and b) the people that know better and realize it won't make a difference will prevent more unnecessary laws.

Addressing the mental issues alone will solve the problem, full stop.

Making guns harder to access? The shooter will find a way and his victims will be even more defenseless.

Mental treatment leading to prevention of a frustrated kid? That kid no longer thinks that no one cares or that there's one to turn to = no shooter.

And it's worth pointing out that you're arguing with someone that has not only lost a parent to gun violence, but also has vast experience with the inept mental health care in this country and who has been able to purchase a gun in a state with extremely strict laws despite having unmedicated depression and a history of suicide attempts.

I know what I'm talking about here because I've lived it.

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Okay well my age was inevitably going to devalue my statements and I can't do anything about that. I hear what you're saying and I can't argue with your experiences. All I can say is that in my 12 years of school I've gone from an open environment to now, being stopped every morning by an armed guard.

The school that was attacked this week was supposedly prepared for this kind of thing but was defenseless in preventing it. What we're doing isn't helping. I think gun control is an issue, high schools kids shouldn't have easy access to guns, not even to defend themselves, schools should not be the danger-zone they've become. In Tennessee you can go anywhere with a gun, I don't get it. That does not make for a safer environment. Personally I don't think we can brush it all under the rug of "mental health-help." Incredibly important, but not as easy as it sounds when helping every suffering youth.

Regardless, I'm about ready to agree to disagree. Point is, this a pressing issue that needs to be addressed. That's where I'll leave it for now.

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There is no doubt that there needs to be a change to something at a societal level. Exactly what that change is or how to bring it into action is unfortunately not up to us, nor can we even expect to be the catalysts for it. It is not our job to protect people, but we have the same reaction every time another kid wants to break our hearts and do something drastic. We're angry and frustrated and wish someone would do something. That is what we can agree on.

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  • 2 months later...

Welp, I got let go from my job this past Friday. Looking at the good news as best I can, I should be able to apply for EI this time (which hopefully will cover the needs), I have free time to spend time with the girlfriend in Grand Forks, and with the weird pay structure at the old job I still have paychecks coming in from them until the start of February, that said my last period of unemployment lasted 8 months and I am just a little bit scared of how things will turn out.

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