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Request thread (with scores!), updates, and random thoughts

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Posted

There is a TON of stuff here James & Damien could rip to shreds.

It would be a very entertaining episode.

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Posted

I just realized that most of what I suggest (with the exception of most of the Christmas stuff I have) falls under the category of "JESUS FUCK! HOW IS THIS A MOVIE! GAH! BURN IT! BURN IT WITH FIRE!!!" so I figured, hey, why not suggest a couple of Farvas.

The Time Machine (I Found at a Yard Sale): Bewildering film under the same category of bad as Birdemic. The entire thing is free on YouTube and has like no budget. It's beautiful.

I Downloaded a Ghost: Everyone has to start somewhere. Ellen Page happened to start in a film where she downloads a ghost off the internet. It also has mobsters and terrible children. Also, the reminder that the internet can apparently trap people's souls when they die until some stupid kid downloads them.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x24fkcz_i-downloaded-a-ghost-trailer_shortfilms

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Posted

I am,  right at this moment, watching a film called Pound of Flesh. 

Jean-Claude Van Damme wakes up in a bath full of ice and, eventually, notices that he's had his kidney stolen. This is especially  upsetting because he was in town to donate it to his dying neice. So JCVD  (minus one kidney)  goes on a Taken style rampage looking for his kidney.  

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Posted

Night of the Lepus aka The Movie where giant bunny rabbits try to kill an entire town.

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Posted (edited)

Night of the Lepus aka The Movie where giant bunny rabbits try to kill an entire town.

Seeing all those bunnies getting shot.

 

Edited by Rjoyadet
Broken link

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Posted (edited)

This very much comes under the heading of "I just watched this and thus want other people to have to do so as well", but I got together with some mates last night and did a double bill of poundshop horror films, the first of which starred Rumer Willis and the second of which was worse than that-

If you guys ever want to see a film that's very easy and basic and not a huge headache but still fundamentally awful this is worth a look. I mean, it's got a Blood Widow in it. Look at all your other films on the list. Do they have a Blood Widow? Didn't think so.

It's also got the worst two-prop party of all time. By that I mean there's a earsplittingly overenthusiastic party filled with people who either have two defining awful things about them or picked some out of a box, be it a neckerchief, fake glasses, a truly awful haircut etc. It was fascinating. Every edit I was faced with a new worst person I've ever seen.

Also cinematography is just absent for the entire film, every shot is horribly overexposed or 90% darkness, often in the same scene.

And it's got a Blood Widow in it. I thought that was worth repeating. It's got a Blood Widow in it.

Edited by Stavros

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Posted

I just have a few questions.

1) Does it have a Blood Widow in it?

2) What the fuck is a Blood Widow?

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Posted

1. I'm glad you asked Damien, thats a smart question. I can confirm that this film, entitled Blood Widow, does indeed have a Blood Widow in it.

2. Fuck if I know. 

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Posted

Since Reb Brown did come in the last episode and, as much as I would love you guys taking on Space Mutiny, he does have some notable movies that could easily be covered.

Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf: First off, it's also your chance to cover a Christopher Lee movie. Second, like most Brown films, it's definitely a Farva. Sybyl Danning as the Werewolf Queen is laughably bad, Reb is doubly wooden, and Christopher Lee gives up on any semblance of caring by the halfway point.

Captain America: It's a TV movie but it's glorious. Reb Brown is Steve Rogers, a former marine who is saved by serum. He dons tights and uses his motorcross skills to fight crime.

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Posted

Oh, god, we could cover Your Sister is a Werewolf and My Stepbrother is a Vampire!?! back to back.

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Posted

Too bad My Stepmother is an Alien is a halfway decent movie.

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Posted

The Christmas Shoes.

They took possibly the worst Christmas song ever made and turned it into a movie.

Unleash the Real Protagonists on that. Hilarity ensues.

It offends me as a Christian, because it is the idolatry of commercialism and wraps it in a "christian" package.

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Posted (edited)

Ninja 3: The Domination: You don't have to have seen 1 and 2. It's a Cannon Films production in which a telephone lineswoman/aerobics instructor gets possessed by a Ninja and sends her to kill the cops who killed her. It's laughable at the best of times. It takes real skill to make a movie about demonic possession and ninjas.

Two Front Teeth: Oh boy. Let me preface this that it's a farva is the spirit of Santa's Slay. Okay, here goes. The main character is a Christmas Conspiracy Theorist who is under attack by evil elves trying to get Rudolph's Nose for Clausferatu, The Vampire Santa Claus. There's also the real Santa Claus in there and the movie ends with the two in a fight sequence. There are also a trio of assassins nuns trying to restore Christmas to it's traditional roots.

Edited by dc20willsave

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Posted

Nah.  It looks like Samurai Cop tier, so it's fair game.

All right, then I would like to see you guys review Miami Connection (I better not beat around the bush and just put in my request). 

Another one would be Doctor Mordrid, mainly because Shao Kahn has a stop motion battle against Jeffery Combs. 

 

Correction: the time Shao Khan got into a magical dinosaur battle with Officer Dan. 

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Posted

Random Thought: Dubs what is your opinion of David Lynch's "Dune?"

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Posted

I'm gonna suggest Postal. Granted, it's on my list of movies if I ever guest on an episode within the next two years or so, but hey. Plus, it's a Boll video game movie, so I can't not bring it up. 

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Posted

Random Thought: Dubs what is your opinion of David Lynch's "Dune?"

I like it more than most people, though I wish he'd been allowed to release the movie he wanted.  

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Posted

R.O.T.O.R.: Been sitting on this one.  It's a movie about a robot cop that goes berserk and his creator tries to stop him. Our heroes are named Steele and Coldyron, the film never stops having heavy handed messages that lose any impact the second you remember that there's a literal killer robot on the loose. Speaking of the killer robot, this is what he looks like:

rotor-mustache.jpg

It's a really, really, really dumb movie.

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Posted

R.O.T.O.R.: Been sitting on this one.  It's a movie about a robot cop that goes berserk and his creator tries to stop him. Our heroes are named Steele and Coldyron, the film never stops having heavy handed messages that lose any impact the second you remember that there's a literal killer robot on the loose. Speaking of the killer robot, this is what he looks like:

rotor-mustache.jpg

It's a really, really, really dumb movie.

Is that the one where they build up this tough lady who goes to fight the robot and the fight just goes to the background.

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Posted

Pretty much.

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Posted (edited)

Beastly: You guys have Twilight taking up your YA adaptation bag for the next two years but one to consider when you get done is Beastly. It's the Beauty and the Beast adaptation where The Beast is a vapid and rich high schooler who gets transformed by one of the Olsen Twins into a tattooed, bald, slightly scarred, and rich home schooled student. It also has Neil Patrick Harris as the guy's blind tutor who constantly makes bad jokes about being blind. There are also mobsters at some point for whatever reason.

Dinocroc vs Supergator: Just for this scene that is, in my opinion, on the same level of The Flower Shop in The Room. The rest of the movie is stupid humans suck at fighting a Dinocroc and a Supergator. So, maybe a quarter step above Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus.

Edited by dc20willsave

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Posted

How are those two real movies.

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Posted

Did they add the laugh track or is that in the actual movie?

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Posted

The clip is from an episode of The Soup. It was the only version I could find.

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