The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part Two

[RSS]

I went to the theater today, and I saw a remarkable film. Minutes after the lights had gone out, I was thrilled, shocked, and genuinely worried for the characters on the screen. But like all good things, the trailer for Iron Man 3 had to end and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part Two had to begin. This film is the finale of the Twilight juggernaut. Will Bella and Edward be okay? Will Jacob find love? Will any of the interesting characters be given anything to do, at all? Will anyone be even a third as likable as Billy Burke? (Spoilers: Yes, yes, no, and hell no.) Also, this review will contain spoilers about everything, because this movie was terrible and you need to know why.

To read more, click here: http://www.earth-2.net/reviews/m/twilight-breaking-dawn-02.php

[Stavros]

I spent a good 20 minutes at dinner last night trying to convince my dad's girlfriend to take him to the new Twilight movie. This review confirms all the reasons I wanted that to happen.

Brilliant as usual Preston.

[Kenny Evil]

I will never understand you people who watched this without the aid of three caustic comedians.

[Stavros]

Is that code for booze?

[Molly]

It's called commitment to my art, dammit!

If cruelly cutting down the accomplishments of others is art, that is.

[James D.]

Fucking awesome work again, Preston.

[Venneh]

I think he means Rifftrax.

And bravo, good sir. You made it to the end. Now you've just got two more to go.

[slothian]

Bravo, sir. Simply....bravo!

Plus, the Bella/Emmett arm-wrestling contest is made to sound like a piece of Russo-esque WCW booking, as though Bella was Twilight's Hogan equivalent. Then again, the whole franchise sounds like that.

[Molly]

That is literally the best way of describing the franchise ever.

[JasonC]

This review is awesome and made me laugh like a hyena for several minutes.

I have a confession to make. One that is going to sound like I've lost my mind. Again.

Compared with the mind searing awfulness of the previous movies, including part 1, Part 2 wasn't actually that bad. I.... I... actually liked parts of it.

And one line made me laugh out loud in the cinema:

"You nicknamed my daughter after the loch ness monster!?"

[dc20willsave]

I hate to be the person to correct someone on something as terrible as Twilight but the reason that Heinous Bitch beat Kellen "Great Abs" Lutz is because Newborn Vampires are stronger than older vampires in the mythology. It's actually a plot point in the third one, only reason I know it. That said, it makes little sense but whatever.

Overall, hilarious review Preston. I remember reading about the ending after it came out and it sounded like utter trolling. Too bad they pulled, "It was all a dream." Truly, the best ending for the franchise would have been cutting away to Kristen Stewart as Stephanie Meyer masturbating furiously into a copy of Twilight on a bed made of money screaming, "They actually bought it!"

[Dan]

That was hilarious.

[SuaveStar]

Overall, hilarious review Preston. I remember reading about the ending after it came out and it sounded like utter trolling. Too bad they pulled, "It was all a dream." Truly, the best ending for the franchise would have been cutting away to Kristen Stewart as Stephanie Meyer masturbating furiously into a copy of Twilight on a bed made of money screaming, "They actually bought it!"

You mean like:

Great work as always Preston, that movie truly sounds terrible.

[Koete]

http://youtu.be/iQ1KBjG5AGU

[Stavros]

Stole this from the Oratory/. It's hard not to like the guy in retrospect.

[Molly]

Yeah, he seems half decent.

[Venneh]

“Millions of Twilight fans out there just cannot wait to see this. It’s almost heartbreaking because they don’t want it to be over. It’s a little bittersweet, isn’t it?”

The kid's gonna do just fine post-Twilight, I think.

Plus, he called out 50 Shades of Grey on being a Twilight fic originally.

[Molly]

Good god, he looks like he's got a chromosomal anomoly.

[Stavros]

You say that about all British people!

Pattinsons gone rogue on this promotional tour, in the good sense not the Sarah Palin sense.

[Molly]

Mostly your royal family, but they're about as inbred as Honey Boo Boo.

[JasonC]

Not so much anymore. Charles isn't Harry's father and now they have new blood thanks to Kate. The next generation should be mostly OK.

[Stavros]

There's a 50% chance the new batch will have blood that actually clots.

[SuaveStar]

There's a 50% chance the new batch will have blood that actually clots.

Just don't get them wet, and for the love of god, this time, do not feed them after midnight.

[lonewolf3676]

Having "read" all the Twilight books (I've got the audiobook collection).~waiting for laughter at a thirty-plus old man being a twihard~I'd have to agree that this movie sucks quite a lot. I was so waiting for Bella to do more than try to choke Jacob out when he turned into creepy old man for loving her daughter. In the book she shatters his arm. Also as for Preston's comment that Bella can't think for herself, she was able to snap her bloodlust off the human by herself when Edward snapped her focus. The only problem I have after that is the "dream sequence" was added to add action, because in the book there was no fight and the Catholic Vamps left after they couldn't get the Cullen & Co. to fight no matter how much Aro and his friends tried to provoke them. So there were some things missing and things that didn't need to be there for the sake of dramatic license, but that's the way Hollywood is. While this might be the end of the base Twilight Saga, if Steph makes any more in the Twilight universe you know it'll come back and we'll have more acid filled reviews from Preston which made me laugh. Keep it going man.