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The Master

What can't Bruce Wayne do?

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According to Batman: Year One, a 25-year-old Bruce Wayne returned to Gotham City after a 12-year absence. Meaning, he left his home to start his crime-fighting training at age 13. During those years, of course, Bruce learned the stealth of a ninja, the brutality of bare-knuckle fighting, various forms of swordplay, all kinds of criminal investigation techniques, a myriad of languages, gadgetry, as well as fighter-jet piloting, race-car driving, and mediation / healing techniques.

Impressive.

But what didn't he learn? What basic, everyday-life tasks and chores does Bruce literally have no idea how to do?

Alfred and The Waynes would have taught him some things, but I can't imagine Bruce knows how to:

  • Change the cat litter.
  • Pay bills.
  • Take care of a baby.
  • Make an omelette.
  • Brew a pot of coffee.
  • Hard boil eggs.
  • Clean windows.
  • Iron.
  • Unclog a sink.
  • Make fresh orange juice.

Granted, he has Alfred for a lot of that, but these are basic skills he would have missed learning while preparing for his vigilantism.

What else should be added to the list?

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He is also incapable of recognizing why taking 13 and 14 year old kids to battle psycho killers and other assorted murderous thugs is a very immoral thing to do.

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I suddenly want nothing more than to see Bruce try to fold a fitted sheet and go slowly berserk as he just cannot figure it out.

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I imagine Bruce has a Keurig, but brewing coffee is easy. I am sure he could do that.

Cooking for himself generally, though, he probably has no idea how to do. 

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I suddenly want nothing more than to see Bruce try to fold a fitted sheet and go slowly berserk as he just cannot figure it out.

I have watched YouTube tutorials on how to do that. I have tried. I have never gotten it.

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He is also incapable of recognizing why taking 13 and 14 year old kids to battle psycho killers and other assorted murderous thugs is a very immoral thing to do.

His son was 10 years old when he started. Though I guess that's more Dick's fault really.

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The problem of bringing kids into battle was there long before Damien showed up though.
 
Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown...

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  • Set the clock on the microwave
  • Make Microwave Popcorn
  • Clear smoke from kitchen after burning Microwave Popcorn
  • Switching the breaker back on after overloading due to Batarang through Microwave
  • Getting a CostCo membership
  • Selecting a new Microwave from CostCo
  • Setting clock on New Microwave

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  • How to preheat the oven
  • Know that "creaming the butter" does not mean adding cream to your butter
  • Cracking the eggs before adding them to the mixer
  • Operating a mixer
  • The difference between baking soda and soda water
  • Greasing a pan does not mean covering it in engine grease
  • How to put out the fire you started in the electric oven when preheating the oven
  • How to set a kitchen timer
  • Why Alfred has put up a sign on the Kitchen Door saying that the kitchen is now a Bat-Free zone

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  • How much laundry detergent to use when washing your clothes
  • When to add the bleach/fabric softener
  • Hot/Colt/Warm water selection
  • How to sort colors
  • What Dry Clean only means
  • Why you shouldn't was and machine dry a 1000 dollar three-piece suit
  • Why you also shouldn't wash said suit with a bloody spandex costume
  • How to hot the iron needs to be
  • How to iron a silk shirt
  • That you can't get a burn mark out of an ironing burn
  • That you can't order a custom fitted suit online

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