Jonah Hex

[Molly]

I have a bad feeling about this.

[JackFetch]

Was that a crossbow that shoots sticks of dynamite? What the hell?

[Missy]

When it comes to Hex's origin, I know very little. Does this stay true to it? Also, the whole "he crossed over and now wants revenge" thing reminds me a little too much of The Saint of Killers.

And I'm shocked to say this, but I don't hate Fox in that trailer. She isn't great, but better than I expected.

[Dread]

The "crossed over" thing is new. The comic character is not new to supernatural occurrences. The origin may stem from not wanting to portray him as a Confederate.

Edit: nevermind, he's wearing the uniform. I don't know.

[D-Man]

Looks like WILD WILD WEST to me. Lame.

[KnightWing]

And I'm shocked to say this, but I don't hate Fox in that trailer. She isn't great, but better than I expected.

It's cause she's playing a whore. Not much of a stretch.

[Dread]

I think it looks alright.

[Tom BITD]

Am I the only one who thinks the producers secretly wanted to adapt that old school Homage/Wildstorm series DESPERADOES, but decided that Hex had a more marketable brand?

This looks like a trainwreck, from the rewriting of Hex's origin to the supernatural powers....and Ye Fucking GODS, when is someone going to realize what a hideously bad actress Megan Fox is?

[D-Man]

Wow, Knightwing, that was caustic.

[Stavros]

This looks like a trainwreck, from the rewriting of Hex's origin to the supernatural powers....and Ye Fucking GODS, when is someone going to realize what a hideously bad actress Megan Fox is?

I'm sorta heading in the same direction, Hex shouldn't have supernatural powers. And people will stop casting Megan Fox when she stops looking like this-

[Dread]

I don't see any reason why this shouldn't be a weird western film and I'm psyched for it.

Also, calling a girl who refuses to do nudity in films a whore is a little much.

[D-Man]

Dread, I agree to a point. I would also like a weird western or a western horror (GRIM PRAIRIE TALES anyone? Anyone?). I just don't think this is it. Josh Brolin seems to be doin' his best beneath that too heavy makeup but he also seems to be doin' a lot of talking. Too much chatter. The best western badasses let their smokewagons do the talkin' for them. And don't get me started on dynamite crossbows. That's right out of VAN HELSING or something.

[Molly]

That's right out of VAN HELSING or something.

Fuck.

[Venneh]

...Darryl, you made my brain make the connection of why this is interesting but makes me uneasy. It's reminding me of Van Helsing (which I liked in middle school, but realized was a horrible film after).

Goddamnit.

[Dread]

Read a classic Hex comic and you'll see that he talks...a lot.

[Molly]

I don't mind Hex talking. The Van Helsing vibe, however, has shaken me deeply. I'm going to try and keep a happy face about the film, I'm still excited... just color me concerned.

[D-Man]

It matters not whether he talks a lot in the comics. In the movies and in westerns in particular, the most effective male protagonists are men of few words. Their actions speak volumes and they rarely have jokey banter with the damsel. We can all agree, I think, that Jonah Hex, as a character, was a homage to Clint Eastwood and the characters he played, particularly his Man With No Name. Now, I'm not saying I want a spaghetti western clone but a bit of that attitude would go a long way with Brolin's portrayal. The closest I've seen to that in the trailers is the coffin scene which is a direct reference to FISTFUL OF DOLLARS but lacks the laid back deadliness of that picture.

Brolin seems to be mixing some MAVERICK charm with his Hex. This may have been called for by the director in order to generate some sexual tension between Brolin and that "whore" Megan Fox but, in my opinion, he should be way to busy exacting vicious, single-minded revenge of the hot lead variety to be enjoying some sexual tension on the side.

And yes, I too am worried about the VAN HELSING gadgets but I'm perfectly willing to give that stuff a pass if they get the rest correct. I want a tough, gritty, no-nonsense JONAH HEX. The supernatural stuff can stay as long as it's sufficiently creepy and not overdone. Think Roland Deschain from the first Dark Tower novel.

"The man in black fled into the desert and the Gunslinger followed."

On second thought, think DARK KNIGHT. After all, JONAH HEX is supposed to take place in the DC Universe's past, is it not? Why not a similarly dark, seamy, morally ambiguous tale in a western setting that legitimizes the comic book trappings by disposing of the camp?

Is that too much to ask?

[KnightWing]

Also, calling a girl who refuses to do nudity in films a whore is a little much.

I didn't mean that as a direct slight against her, I meant more that that's the role she plays in films: the girl who only exists to look hot, and (probably) eventually have sex with the main character. Her in-universe role in Jonah Hex is a prostitute, so now her character literally lines up with her purpose in the film.

[Tom BITD]

I'm sorta heading in the same direction, Hex shouldn't have supernatural powers. And people will stop casting Megan Fox when she stops looking like this-

So they'll stop when she looks like a thoroughly generic brunette who would literally run away at the sight of a cheeseburger?

I'm sorry, but the woman does nothing for me--and her 'south'rn belle ya'all' accent in the trailer is literally painful to the ears. I cannot stand her and hope that people will wake up and she returns to her previous job...a job which somehow involved the phrase 'Do you want fries with that?' presumably...

[Tom BITD]

I don't see any reason why this shouldn't be a weird western film and I'm psyched for it.

Des, I have no objection with it being a weird western film--after all, we're talking about a character who was the star of a book called Weird Western Tales. But the strongest of the Hex stories, like the Joe Lansdale Vertigo trilogy of miniseries, depicted Hex as an ordinary, highly skilled man who keeps getting thrust into these strange, surreal stories of zombies and underground races of monsters and were-bear-babies. He survived these stories through his skills as a gunfighter and his sense of humor. If we were getting that Hex, I'd be pretty euphroric.

This isn't that Hex. This is a guy with actual supernatural powers, a 'Q' figure who devises horse-mounted gatling gun, a love interest/sidekick (played by one of those actresses we're told is HawtHawtHawt but is actually all the shades of annoying in the rainbow and is as generically anorexic as they come) who apparently got her 'southr'n' accent from Foghorn Leghorn cartoons. It comes off as a horrific mash-up of the big-screen Wild, Wild West, The Crow, and, as I mentioned earlier, the Mariotte-penned comic book series (which i wicked cool) Desperadoes.

So yeah, this trailer managed the amazing task of killing my enthusiasm for a movie in just over two minutes.

[D-Man]

Holy fuck, I forgot about the horse gatling guns! What if the horse turns it's head? Is it really worth possibly blowing your horse's head off for the (admittedly) orgasmic pleasure of horse mounted gatling guns? Hmmm. I guess I just answered my own question.

[Koete]

If this was Van Helsing 2: A Fistful of Horse Mounted Gatling Guns instead of Jonah Hex, I'd be all over it.

[D-Man]

VAN HELSING 3: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE HORSE MOUNTED GATLING GUNS THAT SHOOT DYNAMITE.

[Stavros]

Isn't the horse, a traditionally high-strung creature at best, going to be terrified beyond belief by a gatling gun going off inches away from each earhole? I mean, there's a reason why police horses are binkered to avoid them being terrified by traffic. Jonahs lucky the horse doesn't just panic and throw him off.

[KnightWing]

Clearly it's an undead horse that Hex is using his powers to control.