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Chops

100 greatest qoutes from fundamentalist Christian chat rooms

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I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!

"Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!"

This stuff is gold.

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If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol

Um...wow

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[One Christian speaking to another]

You are banned. You are not a Christian for Christians don't accuse brothers and sisters in Christ of being non-Christian.

Troy, Bibliocality [Comments (1041)] [2006-Feb-07]

Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.

Pat Robertson, Quotes From the Religious Right [Comments (193)] [2007-Nov-09]

Of-course religious people do bad things sometimes. But at least their religion forces them to acknowledge within themselves the evil they do. Atheists have no such guidance. They are just like psychopaths! Cold, mechanical, soul-dead!

Mullah, C4forums [Comments (32)] [2006-Nov-01]

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I'm not talking about a simple power outage. I'm talking about enriched plutonium which comes from the conversion of uranium into WMD. It is considered the most dangerous substance known to man and absolutely will shut off the electricity present in planes. All any terrorist has to do is drop large quantities of plutonium from airplanes onto American soil and it will render electricity completely useless. And the chain reaction that will occur from the US shutting down will be global. We Americans have had the capacity to do that to our enemies for years. I had erroneoulsy thought that atheists knew that since they claim to know so much about our universe.

But as usual, you haven't thought things through at all and are speaking from ignorance again.

Are these people allowed to vote and drive cars?

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Apes are just creatures twisted by Satan to mock Jesus by giving EVILolition credibility. Further more they are naturally lust crazed for human women. Since they are not natural creatures they should be exterminated forthwith as the tools of evil they are.

Thats right, kill all the apes!

But think about it, who is smart enough to write the Holy Bible? The answer, no one.

[...]

How could people back then have written words with such intellegence? We were not very educated back then, we all know. So tell me, how could people back ages ago could have written the bible?

Hey, you've got me there. People weren't done educated good like what they are now.

"According to evolutionists, it's a fact that aliens ruled the planet before the dinosaurs because that can't be disproven.

We have deformed skulls to prove that these aliens once had ape-like foreheads, and some walked on 2 legs and others walked on 4 legs. And since there have been confirmed sightings of alien spacecraft, that proves that they have come back to check on how things are going on planet earth.

We don't know who the first alien was, but from the few skulls and bones we have, we can tell that there were millions of them. Then when they had explored planet earth, they found it boring and decided to leave but not before some of them had died here which is why we still have their skulls and bones. From them, we can tell what they wore, what color eyes they had, and that they were covered in hair. These are what evolutionists call facts, so we've proven that aliens once ruled the planet earth."

What? I'm sorry, I thnk you're confusing me with Tom Cruise.

In my opinion, if an animal in the wild like a swan is caught being gay it should be shot on sight, disinfected, and used to feed the poor.

Swans being the gayest of all gods creations.

These people are the closets thing I've seen to ironclad proof against evolution.

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Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.

Pat Robertson, Quotes From the Religious Right [Comments (193)] [2007-Nov-09]

<Des taking notes> Three issue miniseries. New team of Gay Liberal Democrats funded by the Liberal Media to round up right wing Christians and exterminate them. "Wrong Wing" Base of Operations: a hidden bunker underneath NPR head office called The Closet. </Des taking notes>

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But think about it, who is smart enough to write the Holy Bible? The answer, no one.

[...]

How could people back then have written words with such intellegence? We were not very educated back then, we all know. So tell me, how could people back ages ago could have written the bible?

Hey, you've got me there. People weren't done educated good like what they are now.

The funny thing is that the Bible is a collection of books written by men, so he kinda goes against his own religion there. Does he think Jesus himself wrote the New Testament or something?

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I think people of that mindset assume God wrote the book and handed it down to us lowly creatures. That, or he dictated it to someone.

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This reminds me why I stopped going to church. I have no issues with God. It's His fan club I can't deal with.

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I take my previous bow down back. These people are seriously fucked up.

[Talking about an eleven year old girl who was raped and then buried alive]

god was sacrificing this child as a way to show others the light. much as he did his own child. what a beautiful gift he has given us.

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I think people of that mindset assume God wrote the book and handed it down to us lowly creatures. That, or he dictated it to someone.

Haha! I love it. "Marcy, take this down: I am the Lord your God comma who brought you out of the land of Egypt comma out of the house of slavery semicolon Do not have any other gods before Me period"

This reminds me why I stopped going to church. I have no issues with God. It's His fan club I can't deal with.

Hah! Love it.

I take my previous bow down back. These people are seriously fucked up.

[Talking about an eleven year old girl who was raped and then buried alive]

god was sacrificing this child as a way to show others the light. much as he did his own child. what a beautiful gift he has given us.

That is fucking cult talk right there. That goes beyond religion into delusion.

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I get a little bit more Atheist every day. Stuff like this is why.

But Dubs, if you become fully atheist, THIS will happen:

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.

ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.

ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.

ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."

ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!

ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."

ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!

ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.

ATHIEST DAD: Why not?

ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.

ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?

ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.

ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!

ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?

I think that last line sums things up aptly, just not in the way he means.

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