SuaveStar

I hate to ask, but i need advice on if this makes sense

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I have the finished article for a sunday magazine on gaming and how it has became more mainstream, i dropped in quotes from a person i interviewed, but i feel like the article is just by the numbers, and dull and not going to pass, i have to hand it in before friday, i just want advice in what you think and what you feel i did wrong.

Thanks for any help.

Suavestar

Sad, pathetic, sweaty and if they go out in sunlight chances are they will probably turn to dust, these are just a few of the things the characteristics people think of when they hear about video gamers. Back in the decade of the nineteen eighty’s three things were huge and they were Adam Ant, Culture Club and the Nintendo Entertainment System or N.E.S for short, the first console from Nintendo. Fast forward to the year 2008 and what do you have-Adam Ant is a recluse who had been out of the public eye for years, Culture Club have broken up and to pay the rent Boy George is now selling clothes in a London market. Games on the other hand have changed, instead of being a pass time of adolescent boys Nintendo have not only survived the dark days of the gaming industry, but are not a multibillion dollar company with one of the fastest selling consoles in history, but why now, why did gaming not go out of fashion like culture club? One word- Wii.

If you were to go out into the street on any day of the week ten years ago and take a survey of one hundred adults over the age of twenty four and asked them if they had ever played games? The answer you would get from most of the public would be “when I was younger” or “No their for kids”. However take the same survey to one hundred adults aged twenty four and over today and they would tell you that they either owned a games console or knew someone who owned one. Graeme Turnbull an upper level employee at game for the past several years had his own belief to why gaming has become more mainstream. “Well, it’s all because of the Wii. The Wii is the console that says-Forget graphics let’s just make this game fun.” And simplicity would be the basis for the Wii with the game bundled with the console Wii sports, a game all you need to know about the game before you play it is how to hold the Wii-mote.

Gamers had always been seen as the type who would take the time to learn the controls of the game, but normal people would not have as much time or would not care Graeme feels that the Wii is a great help for gaming “It’s a lot easier to say to someone who’s never played a game before “point the remote at the screen, and press A” that’s a lot simpler than telling them to “Hold in R1, then press X, and hold down the d-pad in the direction you want to go in.” And you so they can actually play the game without having to spend hours getting to grips with the controller.”

Graeme informs “Our usual customers are usually male and range from teens to late twenty’s” this being the average market for games, it’s easy to see games like Halo 3 and Grand Theft Auto 4 selling in their millions within weeks of being released. So Nintendo decided to go out and bet everything on getting the casual market, and the results were better than anyone could have hoped. Weeks before the Wii was set to launch Nintendo sends out “Wii pods” to shopping centres up and down the country for anyone who walked by be able to try the console and the Wii-mote out for free. The results were that all over the country in offices in classrooms people were no longer talking about what was on TV the night before or the latest football game, most were now talking about the Wii and more importantly, they were talking about gaming in a positive way. Nintendo had done it, they had brought out a games console that appealed to people who’ve never played games before and also for the most professional of gamers who spend all day and night playing games were all interested in the Wii.

Saying that the Wii is the only games console out at the moment is an insult to the Wii’s competition-The XBOX 360 from Microsoft and the PlayStation 3 from Sony. If the Wii is the chosen console for the casual gamer, then Sony and the PlayStation console set the ground work for them. Sony started out in the gaming industry around 1995, and the console was designed to go up against Nintendo’s N64 and the Sega Saturn. Sony would only be finding their footing when bringing out this console; it wasn’t till they brought out the upgrade the PlayStation 2 were the able to become the best selling games console manufacturer ever. The PlayStation 2 sold the audience on not just being twice as powerful as the PlayStation one, or PSX as it was known now, the console was sold on being a games console and also a DVD player right out of the box. DVD was just taking off at the time of the PlayStation 2 so the fact that Sony put that into his console as standard was a fine piece of marketing by Sony, consumers could buy a PlayStation 2 and use the money they saved on buying a separate DVD player on buying more games for your PS2. The PS3 is the current gen console from Sony and like with the PS2 the console has a built in DVD player, however Sony are now telling consumers the console now works as a Blu-Ray DVD player, Blu-ray being the new innovation to take over from DVD and being the brainchild of Sony as well.

The XBOX 360 is the other main console on the market it is manufactured by Microsoft who also make the windows programmes for PC. Microsoft’s first console was the XBOX, that console came out a few years after the PS2 and with the same graphical power as the PS2, and like the PS2 it had the ability to play DVD’s, with the exception of the Wii, all home games consoles from this point would have a built in DVD player. The XBOX 360 is the graphical supergiant not because of its graphics, which some say are inferior to the PS3’s, the XBOX 360 has the help of having the definitive inline service XBOX Live.

XBOX live is the online server from Microsoft for the XBOX console as the name suggest and cost around £40 per year, like World of Warcraft you can interact with other people, or you can play by yourself. Xbox live is an online server that when purchased means that you can speak to people from all around the world, you can speak to these people through your headset, or have a text conversation with them, the option is up to you. Gamers can also play multiplayer games such as Halo 3 online with others around the globe at any time of the day, and you can have a very fun and social experience, although the service is not all good. XBOX live is like most online servers is not moderated, one minute you could be playing a fun friendly game of Halo with people in America who are there to have fun, the next you are speaking to a vulgar trash talker from who knows where you to “Get the f**k out of their way” not the way most people like to say they spent their Friday nights. Story’s like that on XBOX live are few and far between and with the reputation system being that of if you have a good game with someone you give them positive feedback in the form of ticking a box saying “I would like to play with this person again” and you may get to play a game with them again, or add them to your XBOX live friends list. If you had a bad experience you can leave negative feedback saying you would like to avoid them and you can mute the person so you will never hear their voice again.

Gamer have become more and more acceptable thanks to the Wii and the PlayStation consoles, and is Graeme gives his thoughts on the belief that gamers are all losers “Well you can’t make any statement without their being some truth behind it. I Fell that the Wii becoming successful as it has with such games a Wii sports and Wii fit, people are starting to look at games differently” Games have become more mainstream with the Wii and the PlayStation leading the pack, but with all this great success more people will play games and so the stereotype that all gamers are sad pathetic losers will hopefully disappear along with the collections of Culture Clubs greatest hits CD’s and the Adam Ant wigs.

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Just looking at your opening paragraph, I can see what you're trying to do but it is a little clunky:

Sad, pathetic, sweaty and if they go out in sunlight chances are they will probably turn to dust, these are just a few of the things the characteristics people think of when they hear about video gamers. Back in the decade of the nineteen eighty’s three things were huge and they were Adam Ant, Culture Club and the Nintendo Entertainment System or N.E.S for short, the first console from Nintendo. Fast forward to the year 2008 and what do you have-Adam Ant is a recluse who had been out of the public eye for years, Culture Club have broken up and to pay the rent Boy George is now selling clothes in a London market. Games on the other hand have changed, instead of being a pass time of adolescent boys Nintendo have not only survived the dark days of the gaming industry, but are not a multibillion dollar company with one of the fastest selling consoles in history, but why now, why did gaming not go out of fashion like culture club? One word- Wii.

The first sentence is unnecessary and the rest should be leaner:

Back in the eighties, three things were huge: Adam Ant, Culture Club and the Nintendo Entertainment System. Fast forward to the year 2008 and what do you have? Adam Ant is a recluse who has been out of the public eye for years, Culture Club have broken up and Boy George is now selling clothes in a London market to pay the rent. Games, on the other hand, have changed; instead of being a pass time of adolescent boys, Nintendo have not only survived the dark days of the gaming industry, but are a multi-billion dollar company with one of the fastest selling consoles in history. But why now? Why did gaming not go out of fashion like Culture Club? One word: Wii.

Much more compact with fewer fragmented elements. Clearest is best.

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Also, I have found that most of the vulgar trash talkers on X-Box Live are from America. Don't put that distinction in there. It's jingoistic and unreasonable to say that all of the nice people are from America and all of the meanies, well who knows where! Maybe they're Ay-rabs!

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Also, I have found that most of the vulgar trash talkers on X-Box Live are from America. Don't put that distinction in there. It's jingoistic and unreasonable to say that all of the nice people are from America and all of the meanies, well who knows where! Maybe they're Ay-rabs!

thanks for your help dread.

i have made some changes including taking out that first line, like you said and got right into the eighties thing.

here's how it looks now.

Back in the eighties, three things were huge: Adam Ant, Culture Club and the Nintendo Entertainment System. Fast forward to the year 2008 and what do you have? Adam Ant is a recluse who has been out of the public eye for years, Culture Club has broken up and Boy George is now selling clothes in a London market to pay the rent. Games, on the other hand, have changed; instead of being a pass time of adolescent boys, Nintendo have not only survived the dark days of the gaming industry, but are a multi-billion dollar company with one of the fastest selling consoles in history. But why now? Why did gaming not go out of fashion like Culture Club? One word: Wii.

If you were to go out into the street on any day of the week ten years ago and take a survey of one hundred adults over the age of twenty four and asked them if they had ever played games? The answer you would get from most of the public would be “When I was younger” or “No they’re for kids”. However take the same survey to one hundred adults aged twenty four and over today and they would tell you that they either owned a games console or knew someone who owned one. Graeme Turnbull, employee at Game for the past several years has his own belief as to why gaming has become more mainstream. “Well, it’s all because of the Wii. The Wii is the console that says-Forget graphics let’s just make this game fun.” Simple fun would be the basis for the Wii and the game that comes bundled with the console Wii sports, a game were all you need to know is how to hold the game controller called the Wii-mote.

Graeme feels that the Wii is a great help for gaming “It’s a lot easier to say to someone who’s never played a game before “OK, you point the remote at the screen, and press A” that’s a lot simpler than saying “Right, hold in R1, then press X, and hold down the d-pad in the direction you want to go in.” And you so they can actually play the game without having to spend hours getting to grips with the controller.”

But the average gamer is thirteen to twenty four, and male as Graeme informs “Our usual customers are male and range from teens to late twenty’s” with this it’s easy to see why games like Halo 3 and Grand Theft Auto 4 selling in their millions within weeks of being released. So Nintendo decided to go out and bet everything on getting the casual market. Weeks before the Wii was set to launch Nintendo sent out “Wii pods” to shopping centres up and down the country for anyone who to be able to try out the console and the Wii-mote for free. Now all over the country in offices and classrooms people were no longer talking about what was on TV the night before or the latest football game, most were now talking about the Wii and more importantly, they were talking about gaming in a positive light. Nintendo had done it, they had brought out a games console that appealed to people who’ve never played games before and also for the most professional of gamers who spend all day and night playing games were all interested in the Wii.

Saying that the Wii is the only games console out at the moment is an insult to the Wii’s competition-The XBOX 360 from Microsoft and the PlayStation 3 from Sony. If the Wii is the chosen console for the casual gamer, then Sony and the PlayStation console set the ground work for them. Sony started out in the gaming industry around 1995, and the console was designed to go up against Nintendo’s N64 and the Sega Saturn. Sony would only be finding their footing when bringing out this console; it wasn’t till they brought out the upgrade the PlayStation 2 were the able to become the best selling games console manufacturer ever. The PlayStation 2 sold the audience on not just being twice as powerful as the PlayStation one, or PSX as it was now called, the console was sold on being a games console and also a DVD player right out of the box. DVD was just taking off at the time of the debut of the PlayStation 2, the fact that Sony put that into his console as standard was a fine piece of marketing. Having a DVD player as standard meant that consumers could buy a PlayStation 2 and use the money they saved on buying a separate DVD player and use that to buy more games for their PS2’s. The PS3 is the next generation console from Sony and like with the PS2 the console has a built in DVD player, however Sony are now telling consumers the console now works as a Blu-Ray DVD player, Blu-ray being the new innovation to take over from DVD and being the brainchild of Sony as well.

The XBOX 360 is the other main console on the market it is manufactured by Microsoft who also make the windows programmes for PC. Microsoft’s first console was the original XBOX, that console came out a few years after the PS2 and with the same graphical power as the PS2, and like the PS2 it had the ability to play DVDs which now came as standard for all home games consoles, with the exception of the Wii. The XBOX 360 is the graphical super giant not because of its graphics, which some say are inferior to the PS3’s, the XBOX 360 is preferred by gamers because of its superior online service called XBOX live.

XBOX live is the online server from Microsoft for the XBOX console as the name suggest and cost around £40 per year, with XBOX Live you can interact with other gamers. Xbox live is an online server that when a subscription is purchased you can speak to people from all around the world; you can speak to these people through your headset. Games like Halo 3 can be played online at any time of the day and you can have a very fun and social experience, although the service is not always a good thing. XBOX live is like most online servers is not moderated, one minute you could be playing a fun friendly game of Halo with people in Miami, Florida, the next you could be speaking to someone from Austin Texas who screams at you to “Get the f**k out of my way” not the way most people like to say they spent their Friday nights. Story’s like that on XBOX live are few and far between and with the reputation system being that of if you have a good game with someone you give them positive feedback in the form of ticking a box saying “I would like to play with this person again” and you may get to play a game with them again. If you had a bad experience you can leave negative feedback saying you would like to avoid them and you can mute that person so if you do by chance meet them again, you will not have to hear them.

Gaming has become more and more acceptable thanks to the Wii and the PlayStation consoles, and is Graeme gives his thoughts on the stereotype that all gamers are sad, pathetic losers “Well you can’t make any statement without there being some truth behind it. I Fell that the Wii becoming successful as it has with such games a Wii sports and Wii fit, people are starting to look at games differently” Games have become more mainstream with the Wii and the PlayStation leading the pack, but with all this great success more people will play games and so the stereotype that all gamers are sad pathetic losers will hopefully disappear along with the collections of Culture Clubs greatest hits CD’s and the Adam Ant wigs.

also i just made the reference more specific for xbox live, so i said the first two American city's i thought of.

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It's still littered with little things like this:

But the average gamer is thirteen to twenty four, and male as Graeme informs “Our usual customers are male and range from teens to late twenty’s” with this it’s easy to see why games like Halo 3 and Grand Theft Auto 4 selling in their millions within weeks of being released.

Why would you state that the average gamer is male and between the ages of 13 and 24, then quote a guy saying the same thing? And I don't think most readers would have a clue why Halo 3 and GTA4 are that popular.

Sentences like this:

Microsoft’s first console was the original XBOX, that console came out a few years after the PS2 and with the same graphical power as the PS2, and like the PS2 it had the ability to play DVDs which now came as standard for all home games consoles, with the exception of the Wii

Are easily twice as long as they need to be.

It's also a little dissapointed that you didn't mention handhelds at all. Just look at how popular the DS is, especially amongst the casual crowd.

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crap, your right, i'll leave the quote in and take out the part that i mentioned.

I need an extra one hundred words or so so i can fix the Halo and GTA bits and and add a section on handhelds.

thanks for your help.

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