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The Master

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Regarding Dan's forthcoming trip to Chicago, suavestar said:

I guess Dan will see that Mikes apartment, truly is....

csi-miami.jpg

Bigger on the inside.

YEAAAHHHHHHHH!

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Doug earns POTD for suggesting the best Earth-2.net product:

Are you guys in interested in other items besides shirts? If so, what would that be?

Hoodies, Hats, Mugs and hugs. Oh! A Mike action figure!

New! From Earth-2.net! Kung Fu Grip, Mike! Mike comes with 6 moving joints and Kung Fu Acttion! Simply press the button on the back and WABAMF! No more trolls around here! Mike also comes with signature hoodie and notepad! WABAMF!

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It goes to Des for calling out tnr105, dstroketheterminator Black_Adam:

How about Deathstroke? He'd make a good sidekick. Any reason why Deathstroke wouldn't be your sidekick Black Adam?

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Ian, on his dislike for the Spritle character from the Speed Racer movie:

I defy anyone to like the live action Spritle. Even the "actor"'s parents.

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DW on Namor's build:

Good to see that Quesada referenced Ric Flair when drawing Namor's physique.

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Niki's application to be on Earth-2.net: The Show:

Hey, if this is about getting a new vag' on the show, I'm game.

Just sayin'.

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Will suggests a new podcast for the site:

We're not seeing the greater potential here. You and Des should do The Gritcast, the internet's foremost authority on grits. Thrill during their hour long conversation on the best cheese to use with cheese grits. Sit in deep thought as Des debates whether or not to use ketchup with his grits. Laugh as they joke during their five-part special on the spices in their grits. Be disappointed when their coverage of True Grit reveals there are no actual grits in the film.

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I'm giving out the PotD award today. This cannot go unrecognized.

DW replying to my grief over Nickelback songs being released for Rock Band:

Nickelback is coming to Rock Band next week, despite the fact that Chad Kroeger has stated that rhythm games are stupid and a waste of time.

I also find it funny that "How You Remind Me" isn't even one of the 6 songs being released. Oh, no... PLEASE, Harmonix, DO NOT PUT NICKELBACK ON THE ROCK BAND 3 DISC!!!!! I will give you head if you don't!!! </Michael Sims>

Incorrect. "How You Remind Me" will be all six songs, just under various different names.

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Will nabs it for comparing Torchwood to relationships:

That's the general consensus. While I like Season 1 of Torchwood, there were too many terrible character moments that are glossed over. I look at Torchwood like a very intense relationship. At first (Season 1) it's all about the sex. You just constantly need it and sometimes, you don't care about quality. Then, you realize you need to slow down (Season 2), know that the sex is not what you want but each other. You take things slowly, get to know each other. There's a hiccup or two but eventually you come to the catharsis that you love each other and leave your past behind ("Exit Wounds"). However (Children of Earth), sometimes it lasts, other times it doesn't and you do stupid things if it doesn't. You run from your problems. If we follow this thinking, then Season 4 will go as follows: Realizing your mistakes, you go back. You face them head on or you dive into a new project and try to ignore it even if there's a constant reminder of what you lost.

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On a potential meeting between the Scooby-Doo gang and Aquaman, Koete wrote:

"You mean the sea monster was Fisherman Jenkins the whole time? Outrageous!"

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Will takes it by jabbing Mark Millar's writing:

I try not to crap on writers other people like. That is, unless they really write crap.

"CRAP" sounds like a book Mark Millar would write.

The book suffers from constipation since it always comes out two month later then you were expecting.

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Stavros on the life of Maverick post-Top Gun:

I hope it features Tom Cruise as a washed up flight instructor living off past glories, unhappily married to Kelly McGillis, just dreaming about how his life could have been if only he'd hooked up with Iceman instead. Oh, and he has a pet dog called Goose, his best friend in the whole world, and it gets hit by a car.

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Hannah gets it for perfectly summing up Nextwave:

Nextwave (all of it): More awesome than you could ever hope to be. FUCK YEAH out of 5

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It's two in a row for Hannah, as she comments on an image of Link:

Welp, we know they've done their job in making a Japanese game a reality - we can't tell whether it's a dude or a chick.

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Professor's offline life is infected by Earth-2.net:

At work, I was making signs for random video games on sale. One of which was the World of Warcraft Battlechest. Too bad that I printed signs that said Babychest. Twice.

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Ian on white supremacists and gods:

So a white supremacist Christian group are protesting about the skin colour of a Norse god?!? Surely they'd prefer all other gods to be minorities to reinforce their world view??

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Sadly, I'm posting this a few days late, but here's KnightWing's take on The Twilight Saga: Eclipse:

So. I went into my local library for the first time since moving here last Summer.

It's a tiny place, but it's got a decent DVD selection. Among other things, I borrowed Twilight: Eclipse (the movie), just out of morbid curiosity. Now I'm watching it, and I'll keep editing my ongoing thoughts in this post.

-

0:34 - A random guy is walking through the rain, and is attacked by a random black blur. Somebody gave Smallville-Clark Red K again.

4:14 - Ugh; this is stupid. It's entirely obvious that whoever wrote this only has a high school education. And only paid attention for about twenty minutes of an English lit class.

7:12 - So bored.

7:55 - Every song in this movie (and there are many) is apparently taken from a light rock douchebag playlist.

9:50 - Oh hey. It's not-Sokka from the not-Avatar: TLA movie. He's wearing a bright orange wig or something. I'm kinda scared.

11:18 - Hmm. Rumors of rampant vampire attacks sweeping the countryside. ABOUT DAMN TIME.

13:53 - Every secondary character in this movie acts as the voice of reason. "Are you sure about Edward, Bella? The way he watches you is really creepy." "I don't like Edward; I think he's a bad influence on you." "Hey, isn't it weird that Edward got you two plane tickets so you could travel away somewhere alone together?" And yet she doesn't pay attention.

16:15 - CG parkour through a forest. More weird-colored wigs. What the hell?

17:01 - Much as I wanna hate every character in this movie, I gotta respect the werewolves for having the brains to try and KILL EVERY BLOODY VAMPIRE IN SIGHT. Though their tendency to not wear shirts ups their douchebag level considerably.

18:38 - Jacob just got a rock music intro as he slowly turned toward the camera. It was hilarious.

19:00 - Bella to Jacob: "Why haven't you returned my calls?" Jacob: "Because I'm a moody teenage asshole, that's why."

21:00 - Even the other werewolves make reference to Jacob's "melodramatic internal monologues." Apparently, the only thing worse than being a moody teenager is being a moody telepathic teenager.

24:45 - Everyone in this movie has apparently been drinking straight-up liquid testosterone and estrogen.

28:02 - Apparently, the makeup artist's idea of "make people look pale" is "dunk their faces in baking powder."

30:00 - Watching Edward and Jacob try to one-up each other in manliness is probably the gayest thing I've ever seen.

37:56 - Bella: "After you change me into a vampire, I'll have to explain to my family why I won't be visiting at holidays and stuff..."

Edward: "After a few decades, they'll all be dead anyway, and it won't matter."

Bella: "Oh! Okay! :lol:"

41:45- I think I've spent a good half of this movie so far with my face in my hands.

42:08 - Jacob, in a DISPLAY OF HIS AFFECTIONATE MANLINESS, grabs Bella and kisses her. She pulls back and punches him in the face. His face doesn't move, and she nearly breaks her hand. HAAAAAAA.

42:45 - Jacob & Edward, their faces about four inches apart: SNARLSNARL GRRR RAWR SNARL. I seriously thought they were going to make out. Also, it turns out that Bella DID break her hand! YES!

46:30 - Flashback to... 1920s drunken gang rape? What?

46:55 - Oh. Vampire vengeance. Gotcha. Still don't care.

49:00 - Dakota Fanning and three dudes with Justin Bieber haircuts watch over an alleyway vampire mob scene in Seattle. That's either the greatest or worst thing ever; I can't decide.

50:50 - The Valedictorian at Bella's high school: "This isn't the time to make hard, fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes." That logic leads you down a bad road. I should know; I picked up this movie.

53:20 - This movie so far:

tumblr_ldr0773rEb1qacanjo1_500.gif

57:13 - "Twelve [Vampire] Newborns are more powerful than an army of thousands," and "no human army could stop them." Clearly, Stephenie Meyer's idea of a human military was taken from M.A.S.H.

58:25 - Now a bunch of pale dudes in turtlenecks are wrestling in the forest. This must be Steve Jobs' wet dream.

1:01:40 - Another flashback! This time to... Civil War-era Texas? Hrm. Not-Sokka's idea of a Texan accent is borderline-offensive to a native. :P

1:06:36 - An entire army of hipster douchebags. Somebody call Scott Pilgrim.

1:08:45 - Jacob: "You can love more than one person at a time." He totally wants a devil's three-way.

1:12:00 - Bella and her dad are having "the talk." Hmm. He's not giving her any advice on three-ways.

1:16:09 - Bella: "PLEEEEEAAAASE NAIL ME"

Edward: "WHAT? NO. NO. I'M IN LOVE WITH JACOB I COULD KILL YOU OR SOMETHING."

Bella: "IF YOU DON'T, THE PLOT WILL NEVER ADVANCE AND WE'LL BE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!"

Edward: "...damn."

1:19:00 - Why does Edward want to marry Bella? She's a complete psycho. Does he think he can change her or something?—oh, right, yeah. Vampire. =P

1:24:07 - The evil vampires are walking across the bottom of a lake, exactly like the skeletons in Pirates of the Caribbean. They even have the exact same pounding brass music in the background.

1:25:25 - Edward, Bella, and Jacob are camping alone together in a tiny tent. Man, if my three-way theory turns out to be correct...

1:26:02 - Jacob to Edward: "I am hotter than you."

1:35:40 - Bah. Nothing happened in the tent. Just more teen angst.

1:36:40 - Vampire/Werewolf army face-off. Hmm. There's actually some badassery in here. Surprising.

1:37:26 - I just realized what the vampires remind me of. Pale, dressed like hipsters, and constantly in weird statuesque/homoerotic poses? They're mannequins from The Gap.

1:40:45 - Dammit, Bryce Dallas Howard, you're too hot to be in this movie. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

1:42:30 - Oh. Looks like she did. Good for her.

1:44:15 - Jacob "had all the bones on the right side of his body shattered." He looks the same, only he's grimacing and can't move.

1:48:10 - Awww. After fighting evil vampires together, the good vampires and the werewolves are friends! Lame.

1:54:28 - Oh, wait, that last scene was the movie's climax? Dang. I had no idea.

1:55:16 - Seriously. Could they have picked actors with any less chemistry than Stewart and Pattinson? I mean, it's three movies in and I still don't know why they like each other.

1:55:30 - What?! Credits?!? THAT WAS THE ENDING?!? Guh. Seriously, NOTHING HAPPENED IN THIS MOVIE. NOTHING AT ALL. You could skip this one and miss nothing in the plot, because THERE IS NO PLOT. The characters are all in the exact same places they were at the end of the last movie; nothing's different. One evil vampire character died, but that only took two minutes of screen time. I just watched two hours of nonsense for no reason.

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CoolB explains why Aztek was missing from "Destroyer," the Justice League Unlimited episode:

And as to where was Aztek? Well, bad news Mike... seems he met a guy named Ian on top of a pyramid...

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SuaveStar on Bruce Wayne's franchising of Batman:

And if we are all playing arm chair director: then I suggest we just have Batman say you know what, fuck it, I'm just going to just franchise out Batman and have Batmen all over the world, who will be trained like me, they will talk like me, act like me, and just might be the next best thing, but not quite me, cause I'm the real Batman, all you other Batmen are just fake Batmen, so will the real Batman, please stand up, please stand up.

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Preston nabs a Post of the Day by perfectly summing up Jeph Loeb's writing style:

Also, I'm exclusively referring to Jeph Loeb as J-Lo, now. My deal with him is that he writes like the kid from Axe Cop. "And then Poison Ivy makes Superman fight Batman!" "Jeph, Superman really doesn't need to be in this story, and I don't think Ivy could control him anyway." "KRYPTONITE!"

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SuaveStar on men being able to read the minds of women:

whatposter.jpg

If Mel can do it, anyone can.

*Your amount of racism and alcohol abuse will vary depending on your Mel-Ness.

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SuaveStar on how he handles rude YouTube commenters:

Comment on a Youtube video of mine:

You didn't enjoy this game because you are a FUCKING BITCH.

My response?

I didn't enjoy that comment, because you, are just plain mean.

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Ian on Steve Trevor's occupation in the new Wonder Woman television series:

Pfft, be thankful he isn't a clown...

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