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The Master

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Dubs at his sardonic best:

I'm sorry, Calvin Tucker's Redneck Jamboree is a modern masterpiece, and I'll hear nothing to the contrary.

Look, I loved the nonlinear gameplay as much as the next guy, but if I'm going to spend 200 hours to get 100% completion, I want some damn story resolution.

I never did find out what happened to Ma and the chickens.

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Will on my potential injury while listening to the Tranquil Tirades review of The Room:

Warning: Do not use a heavy-duty paper cutter whilst listening (RE: laughing) to this episode. It might prove to be dangerous.

THIS PODCAST IS TEARING MIKE'S FINGERS APART!

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Des responding to a question about the copy I wrote for Earth-2.net: The Show 460:

Ummmm...what exactly is the episode description referring to/homaging/parodying?

It's a reference to an early 18th century French Libertine philosopher by the name of Baron Hulk Hogan.

Ooh yeah!

Signed,

Macho Marquis Randy Savage

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Knightwing with an epic analogy:

The X-Men trilogy, for me, is like a high school girlfriend.

When X-Men 1 came out, I thought, "Hey, this X-Men girl seems pretty cool. I think I'll ask her out." By the time X-Men 2 rolled around, we were so in love that I couldn't imagine anything better. I loved everything about her. Wolverine, Cyclops, Magneto, Nightcrawler, Professor X. But when The Last Stand came out, everything was different. Not only was she not the same girl I'd dated for the last six years, but she'd killed off my favorite X-Man (yes, it's Cyclops, sue me), mostly butchered the Dark Phoenix saga by making it Wolverine-centric, and killed Professor X for no reason other than to give the "final" film in the "trilogy" more impact. That's another thing. When was it ever supposed to be a trilogy? That was something she suddenly just started saying in 2006. I should have known right then that it wasn't going to work. She was killing our future together, and for what? One last fling together before she went and did spin-offs with Wolverine and a bunch of C-level mutants in a 60s-era film that can't even decide if it's in continuity or not?

The Last Stand might not have been abominable, but it was a crap way to suddenly end the story.

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Oh yeah, I can do this now.

Knightwing on my promotion.

Wait a minute. I don't like this.

I've been reading the posts of non-Super Mod Dubs for years now. So now you're saying none of that history mattered? That it's a "long overdue" change?

Bah. Dubs was a great poster because he wasn't a Super Mod.

This is a blow to the entire non-Super Mod community. I can't believe Earth-2 would do this. Damn this reboot; I'm switching to the Earth-3 forums.

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Will on the absence of Cyborg on David Finch's Justice League #1 cover:

Now, let's be nice to Finch. He probably started on this cover seven months ago and was about to start on Cyborg, right behind Wonder Woman, when he was informed that he in fact had to have the cover out the same time as the issue. Suddenly realizing, shit, I can't be five months behind with my sub-par product, he figured no one would notice Cyborg missing as long as Wonder Woman wasn't wearing pants.

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Ian on the current order of the banners on Earth-2.net:

So looking at the main page at the moment, visitors get to be hot under the collar about seeing Servalan with a gun, followed by Ellen Page in spandex....and their boner is then killed by Adric's stupid face.

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Tom's reaction to news of Austin Powers 4:

One things for sure. Some of the jokes in the film will feel older than Roger Moore in a View to a Kill.

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SuaveStar on the title of the fifth Die Hard movie:

Well, that's got to be the stupidest name possible. Well, stupidest name outside of "Bruce Willis needs more money or else the transmission in his car is going to DIE HARD.....in 3-D"

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Chris on the "reboot" of the Earth-2.net forums:

This relaunch is bullshit. Mike and Dan are covering Smallville, Preston and Hannah are reviewing Captain Planet, and Dread Media is now RomCom Media? I'm going to be picketing the Earth-2.nU at C2E2.

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Stavros on Scott Speedman's career:

Does anyone know why Scott Speedman said no to this?

Because 5 years ago Scott Speedman forgot how to open the door of his house but he's too proud to ask for help. That's why no-one's seen him for a while.

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Cvskin absolutely owning some jack wagon:

Funny Halloween story:

So I got back to the states on Oct. 17, just in time for Halloween. A guy at work, nick-named the "buff nerd", knows I'm an anime fan, and turned me on to Bleach. For whatever reason I had never gotten around to watching it before. Other than the copious amount of filler episodes, I enjoyed the show. So I decided to go as Ichigo in Bankai form with Hollow mask this year.

So on Halloween, I end up winning a costume contest at the local bar, good times. After the contest I have a guy walk up to me and say, "Nice costume, my little brother watches that cartoon. He's 12.", in a sarcastic matter. So barely taking my eyes off my drink I proceed to say, "I work special operations in the Marine Corps. I've been in combat in Iraq, Afghanistan, and have toured the Pacific. I've killed men. So if you've come to make a joke, I'm pretty sure my job and my "man card" will trump anything you've ever done in your life."

The look on his face was price-less as he slinked away.

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SuaveStar on the way a bearded man uses a video game controller:

It's the pipe and how he just lets the magic happen.

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Des on mashing up literature with pop culture to come up with a team name:

I defy you to come up with anything better than:

The Taming of the 2 Live Crew

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Dan on Weekend at Bernie's:

Weekend at Bernie's gets a terrible rap. I truly feel that it's the quintessential "carrying around a dead guy and pretending he's still alive" movie.

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Des on a teenage Han Solo's athletic skills:

A mullet for Han I get. But why not put him in a badass leather jacket instead of gym clothes? Pretty sure teenage Han Solo never hit the track once in his entire life.

Nonsense.

The guy did the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs.

#Boom

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Dan on the next literary trend:

Mark my words, haunted vaginas will be to the 2010's as zombies were to the prior decade. Pride and Predjudice and Zombies will make way for Jane Eyre's Ghost-Ridden Cooter.

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Tom on my copy for Earth-2.net: The Show 562:

Mike, that description makes you sound like a Bizarro Dalai Lama.

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SuaveStar on Ra's al Ghul having taken over his daughter's body:

I wonder how far he would've went with it. In the bedroom just screaming "Yes! Yes! You know what you're doing detective!"

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Will on The Doctor meeting the Archie gang:

Riverdale, Three Days Ago

It was a sunny day. A red jalopy had been speeding down Main Street, late for class. It's occupant, one Archie Andrews, didn't notice the bronze-shelled creature in the the middle of the road as he hit it. The car was totaled, Archie just barely able to get out. Luckily, the thing had shown up outside of Riverdale High. Unluckily...

"EXTERMINATE!"

Present

Reggie Mantle ducked through the alley. The Daleks didn't see him as he returned with the supplies from the grocery store. He slid through the door of Pop Tate's Chok-lit Shop and ducked into the back room. The remaining class of Riverdale High were huddled in the corner.

"Dur-where's Jughead?" Moose asked.

"The dolt tried running from the Daleks. They killed him flat. I got the supplies for Sabrina though," Reggie said, handing the bag to the White Haired young witch. She took the candles out and added them to the circle. Veronica red-nail polish had worked for the summoning circle. Now she just needed to cast the spell.

In the corner, Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge sat. Betty had watched as Archie was killed, the first victim of the Dalek Invasion of Earth. Veronica has just arrived back into town from a trip to Paris with her parents. They'd handed her the parachute when the Daleks fired on the Lodge jet. Now, it was just the four of them and Miss Grundy.

"I can't believe he's really gone. How could this be happening to us? It always felt like we would always be teenagers and anytime something crazy would happen, it would be forgotten the next day," Betty said. She started crying.

Veronica slapped her, "Get a hold of yourself. Sabrina said she would summon help. Archiekins wouldn't want us to be this sad."

Sabrina finished casting the spell.

Vroop-vroop-vroop.

The TARDIS appeared in the middle of the room.

Reggie laughed, "That's it?"

The door opened and the Doctor emerged. Reggie laughed harder.

Around 3 Episodes-err- Two Hours Later

The Dalek base burned as the Doctor walked away with the lone survivor.

"I hope that fixed your Dalek problem. I don't know how they got to your universe, might have something to do with my problem. Well, good luck," he said.

"Did you just say those things only killed my friends because they came from your universe?" The survivor said.

"Well, yes, I guess that's one way of looking at it," The Doctor replied, opening the TARDIS door.

"Then I'm coming with you," she said.

"Right, no you're not. I already have Peri to look after who I really should check on," The Doctor said, starting to close the door. A blue high heel stopped it.

"I saved your life Doctor when the Special Weapons Dalek nearly hit you tonight. You owe me for this," Veronica Lodge said. She entered the TARDIS.

"Fine," The Doctor Said.

v187.jpg

Veronica Lodge is a rich and intelligent teenage girl, more than a little spoiled. She's also a loyal friend and has stood her own against some crazy shit in the past.

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Mike, in the E2: The Show Episode 545 feedback thread:

From this image, I take the following: she procreated with a cyborg rhinoman, killed it, then decided to wear it's robotic skull a la Cubone.

155662_10151093946865163_1146100524_n.jpg

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SuaveStar on a more adult version of Ultimate Avengers:

You're confusing Ultimate Avengers with the porn version. Where Steve Rogers comes back from the 1940's to bang Black Widow in the moose and squirrel.

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Preston on how Coulson lives:

Well, if I'm recalling my continuity correctly, Coulson was given the "Super Middle Management Serum" sometime in the mid-nineties. Then, sometime during the second Clinton term, he entered a state of suspended animation after being accidentally locked in the SHIELD Canteen's walk in freezer. He was thawed out just after the emergence of Iron Man. Since the formula for the serum is lost, I'd imagine this Coulson will actually be the Original Coulson's former sidekick, Plucky: The Boy Bureaucrat, taking up his mentor's suit and shades.

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