Ava Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 A column I wrote for one of my classes this year - one of the most fun things I've ever written. Fans of Superman, Batman, Bruce Timm, or DC Comics in general may already know that this fall we’ll be seeing another one of Timm’s wonderful Direct-to-DVD animated feature films, Superman/Batman: Public Enemies. We know that the film will be filled with action and fight sequences, many of them involving both superheroes and villains attacking our two protagonists. I love the dynamic between the Man of Steel and the Dark Knight, and thus am totally psyched about this movie, but I do have one question to ask – will this be the movie where Superman finally learns how to dodge? While I absolutely love Superman and have the utmost regard for him as a human being (yes, I know he’s Kryptonian by birth, but he was raised on a farm in Kansas), I am quite disappointed by the inconsistency of his fighting skills. The man doesn’t know how to dodge. Yes, he’s the Man of Steel. He won’t feel anything if a building falls on top of him. But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a building lying on top of him. That problem still stands. If a villain somehow throws the giant globe from the Daily Planet’s headquarters on top of him and then starts wreaking havoc upon the city of Metropolis, Supes is going to have to stop, lift the globe off his body, and fly really fast to catch up with the guy. It’s totally inefficient, and wastes valuable time. Superman is almost as fast as the Flash. He almost beat him in a race around the world. If the Flash is the fastest man alive, that means that Superman is the second fastest man alive, obviously. By that logic, he should be able to dodge pretty much anything that gets thrown at him (unless it’s the Flash, I suppose). But he doesn’t. Batman's much better at dodging and he doesn't even have super speed. Superman clearly hasn’t realized that dodging cuts fighting time in half, if not more. Not to mention that it’s actually very useful in avoiding Lex Luthor’s occasional kryptonite-beam guns. Kryptonite can actually hurt him. If he can’t dodge kryptonite, he’s done, as we’ve seen in the past. My second gripe with Superman’s fighting style? He doesn’t use his heat vision nearly as much as he should. It’s extremely handy to be able to destroy things from far away just by looking at them. The sooner Supes realizes this, the better. Why waste time attempting to punch through a giant robot when you can just use your heat vision to cut its head off? Boom. Problem solved, crisis averted. Now Superman has saved the day in a fraction of the time it would usually take him. And by taking out the bad guy quickly, he’s also prevented hundreds of innocent pedestrians from being crushed by the underside of an angry robot’s foot. We all know Superman loves saving people. That’s why he got into the cape-and-spandex business, after all. By using his heat vision, he could save more people with half the effort. I agree that sometimes he uses it, and to great effect. But it wouldn't hurt him to use it more often. I, however, am not one to complain about something without offering a valid solution. Since the upcoming film is going to involve Batman as well, it’s clear that our two caped friends will be spending quite a bit of time together. I suggest Batman take Superman to the Batcave, where they can spend some quality time together learning how to fight effectively. Bats is a world-renowned expert on avoiding projectiles, after all. He would be magnificent at teaching Superman how to dodge. And he could set up some great target practice sessions for the Man of Steel to improve his laser-vision shooting techniques. He’d be a wonderful teacher – the imminent threat of receiving the Batglare is a great incentive for anyone to learn how to do anything in general. And it thrills the very core of my Bat-fangirl heart to imagine the Dark Knight chucking his exploding batarangs at the Man of Steel in a dark corner of the Batcave. Author's note: Virtually all observations made in the above column were based solely on Superman's actions in the DCAU (namely Justice League). Also, Superman is awesome, and I am in no way claiming that he is not the coolest person ever when he's fighting Darkseid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightWing Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 There are a few things to consider: If Superman used his super-speed anywhere near as often as he should, there would be no conflict, as he would destroy every enemy effortlessly. Also, his "style" varies wildly depending on the story. In the first season of Justice League, he's practically useless. The writers have admitted that they relied upon him as a plot device: "if something can knock SUPERMAN back, it must be really powerful." It's no wonder that after they realized this mistake, they gave Superman the amazing episode "Twilight," where he destroyed Darkseid. I wouldn't say that his fighting style is "horrible." At the very least, it's ultimately effective. I mean, you don't exactly need kung fu when you can level a small city by clapping your hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ava Posted June 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 Those are some excellent points. =) My wording was definitely a bit strong - I agree that Superman's fighting style is not actually horrible. But I stand by my opinion that he is woefully inadequate at dodging. It doesn't take superspeed to duck, after all. And I did love "Twilight," and also the part in "Destroyer" where he kicks the crap out of Darkseid again. Also, I just realized that this wasn't quite the final draft of my story (I wrote it a while ago) - I'll fix it tomorrow and hopefully it will be a bit better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamvidger Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 My second gripe with Superman’s fighting style? He doesn’t use his heat vision nearly as much as he should. It’s extremely handy to be able to destroy things from far away just by looking at them. The sooner Supes realizes this, the better. Why waste time attempting to punch through a giant robot when you can just use your heat vision to cut its head off? Boom. Problem solved, crisis averted. Now Superman has saved the day in a fraction of the time it would usually take him. And by taking out the bad guy quickly, he’s also prevented hundreds of innocent pedestrians from being crushed by the underside of an angry robot’s foot. We all know Superman loves saving people. That’s why he got into the cape-and-spandex business, after all. By using his heat vision, he could save more people with half the effort. I agree that sometimes he uses it, and to great effect. But it wouldn't hurt him to use it more often. You can get sick of seeing Superman's heat vision. Watch "The Call Part 1 and 2" and you will know what I mean, he overuses that power so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackFetch Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 Being smart is not one of his powers. Luckily he makes up for his stupidity by being really hard to hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 Actually, Superman is very smart. It's not something they play up often, but he does have a super-brain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koete Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 He also has the powers of super-singing, super-ventriloquism, and super-dickery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 It's explained wonderfully in the comic "Hush" and the JLU ep: "Destroyer." Superman has the ability to utterly destroy any enemy he wants to, but he doesn't want to hurt people. He wants to save people, and if he ever truly lets loose, or loses control, people die. It's this fear of himself that keeps him from really ripping away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackFetch Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 So his super intelligent mind thought the best way to disguise himself is a pair of glasses? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 That's some sort of hypnosis. And I think he vibrates his face when he's Supes, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightWing Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 Being smart is not one of his powers. Luckily he makes up for his stupidity by being really hard to hurt. Like Yoda said, he actually does have a super-fast brain and a photographic memory. That's how he got perfect scores in high school, as seen in The Last Son of Krypton, Part 2. However, that ability is usually restricted to mere calculations, not creativity. So he can calculate the physics of an object he's lifting and know exactly how to move it, but he doesn't necessarily know how to handle himself in a fistfight. Though, to be honest, only 1% of all the villains he fights actually have the ability to take him on in combat, so there's not much reason for him to need skills like that most of the time. Another reason that he often sucks at fighting is because the writers need him to be a punching bag for dramatic purposes. Ironically, it's always the times when they write him correctly that he's most fun to watch. ("The Last Son of Krypton," "Twilight," "Destroyer," his punch-in-the-face to Aquaman in "The Terror Beyond", etc.) That's some sort of hypnosis. And I think he vibrates his face when he's Supes, too. That's one version of "the excuse." One of my favorite ones was in Superman: Birthright, where Ma Kent says that Clark's eyes are such a vibrant and unique shade of blue that there's no mistaking them for anyone else's, but glasses obscure them just enough to make Clark's eyes look normal. The real reason is that Superman was created back in 1938, before cellphone cameras and the internet. Back in that time, it made sense that he could hide behind glasses and a bulky suit, since there wouldn't necessarily be high-quality reference photos or a way to spread them and cross-reference them easily. The only people that might figure it out would be the Daily Planet staff, but back in that time Clark was shown to be extremely clever with his excuses, rather than clumsy like he is now. This video from STAS is one of my favorite Superman moments of all time: But all in all, the glasses are the one big "suspension of disbelief" aspect of the Superman myth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 Also: Most people don't think Superman has a secret identity. It's not like Batman, where there's a mask, and he's clearly hiding something. Why would Superman hide among us? He has his big fancy fortress, it's not like he needs a job and apartment. And: Lois knows, it's been implied that Perry White and Jimmy Olsen both know, but are "Jim Gordon-ing" it, for the sake of plausable deniability. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 And honestly, this is just another reason that: Captain Marvel >>> Superman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightWing Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 And honestly, this is just another reason that: Captain Marvel >>> Superman. WHAT? Captain "I'm an eight-year-old boy with maturity to match" Marvel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 At least his secret identity makes it easy to hide in a crowd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightWing Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 At least his secret identity makes it easy to hide in a crowd. Yup. Little Billy Batson always randomly turning up at crime scenes; what must his parents think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 They're dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dread Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 They're dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightWing Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 They're dead. I was joking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackFetch Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 And I think he vibrates his face when he's Supes, too. He's like the most photographed person in the DC universe. He's on the cover of the Daily Planet every other day, and on tv doing interviews all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 They're dead. Countless times, I've slapped people yelling, "My parents are DEEEEEAAAAAHHHD," even though they are not. ...I alienate people quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightWing Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 And I think he vibrates his face when he's Supes, too. He's like the most photographed person in the DC universe. He's on the cover of the Daily Planet every other day, and on tv doing interviews all the time. That's why the vibrating works; it's supposed to confuse cameras. (And no, that does not make any logical sense.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuaveStar Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 They're dead. Countless times, I've slapped people yelling, "My parents are DEEEEEAAAAAHHHD," even though they are not. ...I alienate people quickly. It might be the fact that you show them your "People who's balls need to be kicked" list, not really a great ice breaker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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