I'm going on the Oregon Trail


Guest

Recommended Posts

The trail has begun!

March - We start with a lot of severe storms. The oxen don't have a lot of grass. An ox dies within the first 20 days.

March 25 - Shaun has a fever, blames Hannah's cooking.

April - The gods are fucking pissed at me this trip, since every two steps we're hit by another thunderstorm. TWO broken axles.

May 13 - James wants to stop and turn around. DENIED.

June 13 - Another dead ox. I think James may have sabotaged this one.

June 17 - Hide your wheels. Hide your axles. They breaking everybody out here.

July 13 - I switch over to bare bones rations, because, ironically enough, James is eating all of the food. I tell him that there aren't any free movie coupons, but he doesn't listen.

July 17 - Hannah has cholera.

July 27 and 28 - Two broken tongues in two days. I had to trade some food for a spare.

August 20 - Broken wheel AND a broken tongue. So far Will is right. Nothing has happened to him yet.

August 29 - Another dead ox.

September 7 - Snake River Crossing. We try to caulk the river, but lose 1 oxen, 75 pounds of food, 1 set of clothes, and 25 bullets.

September 12 - Will has measles. Guess I spoke too soon.

October 29 - It's winter again. We have about 15 pounds of food left. I go all Hoffman on some deer.

November 5 - We officially run out of food. More dead oxen. Hannah is vomiting blood. James now has a smug look on his face, reminding me that if we turned back, we could all be playing Rock Band right now.

November 17 - Hannah fell under the wagon and broke an arm. Work on your balance woman!

November 28 - An axle breaks. I have to trade away 100 bullets. We're fucked.

November 29 - Will doesn't feel well. We put on some reruns of Glee and give him some hot cocoa. Actually, no, cause we're still out of food.

December 11 - We are down to a single ox. These are the shitiest oxen money could buy.

December 18 - Shaun has dysentery and is complaining about the difficulty of the journey.

December 23 - Will doesn't want to keep walking. Our last ox goes down. Wild guess how this one ends.

January - I go on a hunting spree in an attempt to get enough food to trade for some oxen.

January 2 - We finally get some oxen and rest. Spirits are high and we're almost there.

January 3 - Severe winter weather has snowed us in. We had to resort to cannibalism before finally dying of hunger. <_<

Fuck you, game.

Next party is Kellen, Knightwing, Preston, and Suavestar.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alright, taking a different approach this time.

Starting in March.

3 Oxen

2 of each spare wagon part - there won't be as much stuff breaking since I'm packing light

10 boxes of clothes - might help with the weather

20 boxes of ammo - I always seem to have extra ammo

200 pounds of food - I did the math and hunting is cheaper

Starting with a grueling pace and bare bones rations.

March 20 - I've spent the last ten days hunting my ass off and waiting for the snow storms to stop.

March 23 - Preston has clolera. I stop to rest and hunt, realizing that we still go through food when I hunt, so I put us on filling rations for one day.

All of April - Nothing fucking happens. My plan is working.

May 2 - Preston has measles. We rest and eat like kings for a day.

May 26 - My first dead ox. Fuck it, I have money for plenty more.

May 29 - Suavestar is suffering from hallucinations. They are a bit shit.

June 20 - Knightwing is exhausted. The rest of the party tells him to man up, as we're making awesome time.

July 21 - Preston is suffering from hallucinations, but that just means it's Tuesday.

July 29 - Snake River Crossing. I'm not taking my chances this time and pay the Indians to help me across.

July 31 - My first broken axle.

All of August - We're fucking untouchable.

September 24 - Preston has dysentery. This fucker is having some bad luck.

October 8 - I'm out of oxen. I can literally see the end from where I'm stuck. I trade all of the clothes we have for one ox.

October 16 - Preston fell under the wagon and broke an arm. I'm convinced it was a suicide attempt.

October 17 - Knightwing has severe diarrhea. Everyone needs to just hold on for a little bit longer.

October 20 - I fucking win!

Final score:

Party Health - 2000

Oxen - 50

Spare Parts - 14

Money - 40

Total Score - 2104

celebrity_jeopardy_connery.jpg

Suck on it, Oregon Trail.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 8 months later...

I'm already running one with Des, Dan, Chris, and Dubs, actually. Des got dysentery, and is the only one to do so thus far. At Pittsburg, and we broke through a zombie barricade with guns blazing.

EDIT: And again, Des. You're just a wilting flower, apparently. And now you've gotten Dan sick, too. But hey, I've gotten you fuckers most of the way to Memphis AND done all the hunting.

And now you broke your arm, Des. Really. I'm out of medkits, if you keep getting sick like this, I may have to shoot you. :P

Turns out he was the first to get infected. Had to put him down. Dan has been incapacitated by measels, and Chris now has a broken arm. I'm sure this is Des wreaking havoc from beyond the grave.

All y'all bitches are getting sick everywhere. Dubs is the next to have to be put down, then Dan.

Well, got Chris to Albequerque before I had to put him down. And then I got the fever, so it were done pretty quick after that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.