The Master

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Everything posted by The Master

  1. Though I've heard of that video, I've never seen it.
  2. As I've mentioned before, from about age seven my mom gave me carte blanche to walk to the video store to rent whatever I wanted. Including R-rated movies. The only movie she ever denied me was Honeymoon Horror, and I was pretty sure she also wouldn't let me rent The Slumber Party Massacre. Because, you know, boobs. That said, I finally watched The Slumber Party Massacre last night. Going in I knew two things: it was written and directed by women, and the killer had some sort of drill. I also expected it to be bad, because, well, it's an early 80s ripoff of an already tired genre. To that last point, I could not be more wrong. What I particularly enjoyed about this one is that there's no plot for 75% of the movie. The girls are going to have a slumber party, two of the boys plan to crash it, and the girls just sit around having fun. That's it until they realize a killer is on the loose. There's no forced drama or A must happen so B can happen. They just aimlessly chat, order pizza, make drinks, pick up the trash. And while that doesn't make for the most compelling movie-watching experience, it does make for a more realistic tone/ When the trash cans fall over and a weird noise can be heard, Valerie doesn't snoop around her yard and act all tough. She books it the hell out of there, back to the safety of her own home. It's quite real, because it's something we've all done whether it be running up the stairs from a darkened basement or an unsettlingly quiet garden. These characters aren't quite lived-in, but they do have very human elements. In most other movies, when Diane tells the girls she's going back to her boyfriend's house for some sexy time, they're disappointed she's leaving the party, but there's no lame bickering. They get it; Diane has been pressured into going by her boyfriend and they can't stop her. And this all comes from the writing by Rita Mae Brown and direction of Amy Holden Jones. The female perspective brought to the slasher genre was a much-needed booster. Reading up on the movie, I see it was originally written to be a parody of the genre. Though the movie took a more serious / conventional path, you can still see hints of it throughout. The purposely overly long drill would be a joke if it wasn't used so gruesomely. Additionally, the way said drill is slashed in half is also a statement that needs absolutely no explanation. The only scene I cringed at was Jackie pulling the pizza box out from under the murdered deliveryman and eating it with a quip. That betrayed the tone to an unsettling degree. Russ Thorn might be one of my new favorite slashers. His quiet presence is felt throughout, thanks to his quick movements and dead-faced glances. You get the sense that this guy has seen some serious shit. And with it being set in 1982, it would not at all be hard to assume Thorn had spent some time in Nam. (His movements are very deliberate, like he's been trained to hunt in silence.) If I were to rank this against Halloween, I wouldn't put it too far behind the 1978 classic. It takes what that movie and Friday the 13th setup, and built upon that with some original scares, some good gags, and a few tender sisterly moments. Random question: Were there lesbian overtones to the glance shared between Valerie and Trish in the shower / locker room sequence? Because the look they shared over the stalls -- to me at least -- spoke volumes.
  3. Been seeing this one get some traction online this past year-plus, so I gave it a go as my insomnia movie last night. And it was a good, silly way to spend 80 minutes. Had I been drunk or high last night, I'm sure I would have loved this. And had I seen this when I was 10 or 11, I can tell you it would have been in the repeat rental rotation. Tonally it's all over the place. What starts out as a pervert comedy with three college-age guys trying to sneak a peek at some T&A turns into a bumbling heist movie. Once Uncle Impie shows up, the movie takes its final form: a template for Leprechaun. Somehow I was both expecting that puppet and was also like, "Yeahbuhwhat?!" (I must have watched a Red Letter Media or Dead Meat video on this movie, but I can't seem to find any videos to confirm this.) Each set of actors seem to be in their own movies. Lisa and Keith are still in the teen pervert comedy with a lot of full frontal nudity, Spider and Calvin are in a then contemporary horror movie, post-transformation Rhonda and Frankie are in a 1950s B-grade horror, Babs is in a sorority house / women-in-prison T&A movie, and they each play it that way. It's shockingly adept at keeping these tones going as long as they can. Robin Rochelle (Babs) is basically playing Kim Cattrall's Samantha 10 years prior to Sex and the City, and it's great. Carla Baron (Frankie) is hamming it up as The Bride. Had Shana not been sleeping next to me as I watched this movie, I would have straight-up laughed my ass off (in a good way) as she ran around hissing at everyone. And Linnea Quigley's Spider is perfect as the hard-edge punk with a heart of gold. It wasn't until after the movie finished that I realized Quigley played Trash in The Return of the Living Dead. Which I should have realized sooner because, well, without being creepy about it, Trash's dance scene in Return was eye-opening for a young Mike. They guys are mostly inconsequential, but Calvin looks like he could be Matt Bomer's older brother. Will I revisit this? Maybe if I'm high and want a laugh. Should you see it? Sure! Grab some beers and some friends and have a great laugh at the puppet.
  4. Agreed on all things Black Widow. At the time it was coming out, I read it monthly, and each issue took maybe five to seven minutes. As a complete package, I could think of worse ways to spend 60-90 minutes, though. It's such a stunning book.
  5. Thank you for suffering (?) through that. It sounds like we can wait the two years until it's $15 on Amazon.
  6. I really want to read those books, but never have I heard a good word about Hannibal. If you can set aside the retroactive disliking of the series, are Red Dragon and The Silence of the Lambs good books?
  7. The Silence of the Lambs: Jodie Foster deserves every accolade she received from her performance here. That's all I really have to say. It's a well-crafted film and I see why it was huge back in the day -- and why people still love it -- but it's never quite landed with me. Can't say why. Interestingly, it seems Tom Hiddleston took some inspiration from Anthony Hopkins for his Loki. There are moments, especially early on, where you can draw a direct line between the two. And that's not exclusively to the scenes where Lecter taunts Starling and Loki does the same to Black Widow; there are little things Hiddleston absorbed into his performance, and that's quite fascinating to see. The handling of Buffalo Bill's sexual identity is coldly clinical and exceptionally wrongheaded. Maybe by 1991 standards it was considered acceptable to question Bill's sexual identity and gender, but that does not fly nowadays.
  8. How about TekWar? This William Shatner-created series had four TV movies as a "first season," then an 18-episode proper season. With something that long, you'd probably have to use The Persuaders method of skipping episodes. I'd be willing to contribute.
  9. Shit, I forgot to send feedback in! Have you guys recorded yet?
  10. Iman Vellani has been cast as Kamala Khan / Ms. Marvel in the forthcoming Disney+ show.
  11. DC Fontana was the co-writer, and she very much brought TOS-isms to TNG.
  12. Right? And Batman being like, "If we let the cops arrest Jason for murder -- with a gun -- he'll expose us," is a big NO! Barbara is the only one acting like a Bat-family character, yet she has no agency. If she's not bowing to Bruce, she's kissing Jason -- WHO JUST MURDERED A JOKER AND WHICH SHE'S RIGHTLY BEEN 'WTF-ING' ABOUT TO BATMAN WHO'S DONE NOTHING BECAUSE "KGNLK NGJHGIOEaHAUG:ANg gAIIO :GAegrhj!d"
  13. Figured I'd give #2 a shot. What even is this book trying to accomplish? The art is good, but Johns is not moving the story along at all. He does, however, script one of the Jokers in Mark Hamill's cadence.
  14. While it's very much a remake ("We are the weirdos, Mister"), at the 1:50 mark there's a very clear sign that it's also a sequel. So this might be interesting.
  15. After the news broke this weekend that Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix named their newborn son River, I decided to watch Stand by Me. At the moment I'm an hour in, and, man, I always forget how much of this movie River Phoenix shoulders. He's elevating everyone around him, and the kid was only 15 / 16 here. He plays the adult of the four boys, but he's still such a child himself. There's so much power in his performance. So much unsaid about this life. Without him, I'm not sure this movie would be as fondly remembered as it is. Something I noticed this time around is the scar Eyeball has next to his, well, eye. When Ace pins Chris to the ground and threatens to burn his eye out, the camera cuts to Chris' brother, Eyeball, and that's where you can see the scar. This little thing tells you so much about Ace and Eyeball's relationship -- and how he got that nickname.
  16. Oh that sounds cool! I'll have to check them out.
  17. I've been playing Hitman 2 for at least a month. What I love about this game is that, at its core, it's a puzzle game. Yeah, it's a puzzle game in which you take out bad people, but the fact that it can be played any way the gamer sees fit -- and that it's actively asking you to do so -- creates the potential for infinite fun. Sometime I go in looking for the Silent Assassin achievement, while other times I go full T-800 in the police station.
  18. Update 9 has been posted, because GoDaddy are asshats.