this is more directed at myself than anyone or anything else, but i need to vent and i guess the internet is a good place.
this has been building up for awhile and lately it's been getting worse, and i really don't know why. it feels like i've gotten to a point in my life where i just don't care about anything anymore. it seems that i have become completely detached and dissassociative with the world and people around me. i used to love my job, infact i loved it enough to go back after leaving the first time, but it feels like i've nothing to show for it except a chest full of medals, which sure at work means respect because i have more than most, but outside of work they're just awards for killing other people. it just seems like my job has become a monotonous cycle of going to play in the sandbox and then coming home to nothing.
my secondary life, aka home, since i seem to live two different lives depending on my souroundings of being at work or home, seems to get worse everytime i visit. i no longer identify with the people i used to call friends, my family honestly have become just other people to me with no personal sentimental attachments.
i guess i just always thought i would have more to show at this point of my life, instead i'm divorced, no longer talk to family or friends, and even though i woul lay my life down without a moments hesitation for the men i work with, i honestly can't stand to be around any of them.
the question of where i go from here is something i ask myself everyday, and i never have the answer.