Every film you've watched in 2014


Koete

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Journey to the West: Stephen Chow directed this fantasy Wu Xia comedy based on the mythological story of the same name. The bulk of it is pretty great, but it dives off a cliff at the end. Boring and awful in the third act. Still worth watching for the spectacle.

Jaws: My kids wanted to watch it, so we did. They found it a little boring in the long talky parts but loved it overall. Best quote of the night, regarding Quint of course:

Davin: Why is he always singing so much?

Cade: Duh, he's drunk!

Feature Films: 148

Documentaries: 23
Shorts: 20
Rewatches: 5
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Had a bit of a Rifftrax splurge.

Super Mario Bros: Technically a rewatch. I had a lot more fun this time. Really, the highlight of the film is that Koopa is not really the bad guy. He's a bad person but his goal is to save his people who are getting chocked to death by their former ruler. He's doing everything for the right reasons, just the wrong way. Too bad the rest of the movie has nothing to be remarkable and has literally nothing to do with the source material.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: You can see hints of the great actor that Daniel Radcliffe will become. Too bad so much of it is weighed down by Chris Columbus.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Much better. One of the highlights of the series though there are tons of moments where it felt a little too rushed.

Films: 69
Documentaries: 2
Direct to DVD Films: 6
Short Films: 1
Rifftrax/MST3k Assisted Films: 12
Rewatch: 2

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That sequence is good, but outside of the Umbridge scenes and a few other things, it falls rather flat for me.

The Duchess- Revisionist bio-pic seemingly conceived by very desperate feminists.

Lets not confuse Dianaists with Feminists. That movie was made entirely because it was Princess Diana in a period setting. Or at least the imagined version of her that Daily Express readers cling to.

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A Boy Named Charlie Brown: Similar animation quality to the specials but still pretty fun. There are some good moments that explore the pathos of being Charlie Brown and there are other moments where you know they just decided to pad out the script with segments adapted from the comic strip. Still, a fun romp.

Films: 70
Documentaries: 2
Direct to DVD Films: 6
Short Films: 1
Rifftrax/MST3k Assisted Films: 12
Rewatch: 2

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The Grinch Who Stole Christmas: Ugh...somehow I was roped into watching a Christmas movie already. Could have been worse than this. Carrey's performance sells it. There's a little bit of Karloff in his voice, which I like. It is, however, a lot of schmaltzy bullshit. The moment with Grinch checking his calendar will always delight me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VarlV8dP6ak

Feature Films: 149

Documentaries: 23
Shorts: 20
Rewatches: 5
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The Hunger Games: Mockingjay: Part 1: Thoughts in a future Hey Gurlfriend. In short, I enjoyed it. If part 2 matches up, they've turned the worst of the books into the best of the movies.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs: One of the things I missed about over the air television is how you'll sometimes end up watching a movie you would have have watched just because of a lack of choice. It's not a bad movie. It's fun at times and there were a couple of gags that made me laugh. Only problem is that it smacks of the lazy CGI animation writing that plagues these kinds of movies. Still, harmless fun.

Films: 72
Documentaries: 2
Direct to DVD Films: 6
Short Films: 1
Rifftrax/MST3k Assisted Films: 12
Rewatch: 2

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The Upper Footage: Monday's show

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty: this movie was fucking delightful. A beautiful looking movie with incredible performances. Comedic and smart with a lot of schmaltz, but weighty and modern. Kind of like a postmodern Forrest Gump. I missed the opening credits so I was SHOCKED when the credits showed Ben Stiller as the director. Gorgeous looking film. So have a crush on Kristen Wiig too. Favorite non-genre movie I've seen in a long time.

Feature Films: 151

Documentaries: 23
Shorts: 20
Rewatches: 5
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Snowpiercer: Interesting movie. The premise is a tad flimsy but I really don't care. Everything else is well acted and I just love the general feel of the world.

The Chipmunk Adventure: When I was a kid, whenever we went to rent movies, this is one of the two films I constantly got (The other was The Care Bears Movie 2 [shut up, I was a fucking kid]). Is it good? Not really. It's just a big screen version of the series but still, it's fun enough. Plus, evil Eurotrash endangering the lives of children. Also, the Chipettes sing a song about wanting to fuck snakes. I am not making that up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2ncbds7Qd8

Films: 74
Documentaries: 2
Direct to DVD Films: 6
Short Films: 1
Rifftrax/MST3k Assisted Films: 12
Rewatch: 2

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It was a surprisingly physical sport. Basically rugby with one hand (because the other hand, admittedly, is holding a broomstick). Full contact (one guy went to the hospital with an enormous gash on the side of his head). I have to give them credit; it should have been humiliating to watch, but they pulled a decent showing out of it.

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Hercules: Could have been a lot better than it was.

No actual mythical creatures killed it for me.

It cold have been the modern Conan, but PG13 was a terrible choice. I get tired of movies where giant battle scenes happen but all the gore is off-screen.

Maleficent: Pretty good. A lot better than I expected.

Horns: Really good movie. I went in not knowing anything about the story and was really happy I did.

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