Every Film You've Watched in 2015


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Pineapple Express: relentlessly unfunny. The only parts that are actually amusing are when Rogen Franco and McBride are together and that's only like 10 minutes of the whole movie. Everything else is desperately bad. I can't believe they had Bobby Lee and Dr. Ken Jeong and did not allow them to be funny. Fuck. Those guys are hilarious and they barely have any lines. That many funny actors and Ed Begley Jr. delivers the only really funny line.

Feature Films: 45

Documentaries: 2
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Avengers: See BDH 88!

Star Trek II: Still my favorite Trek movie of the ones I've seen. Khan is where it's at, and manages to be the most consistently well plotted/awesome of the ones I've seen so far.

Muppet Treasure Island: Tim Curry and the Muppets is an electric combination. Still one of my all time favorite Muppet movies.

Zoolander: Fantastic cameos, and just fucking fun to watch.

Mean Girls: Again, another classic that it's great to watch here and there.

As a side note, being able to skip through at least half of the Battle of the Five Armies improves it significantly.

Song of the Sea: Same people who did the Secret of Kells. If you get the chance to see this in the theater, do so, but if not (because mainstream release has been sporadic at best), biggest screen you can get. Absolutely stunning visuals, great use of Irish folklore. The story's a bit shaky at times, but I'm willing to give that a pass. I would've way rather'd see this win for animated movie.

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A friend of a friend scored free preview tickets to see Furious 7, so I caught that last night.

I'm not a huge devotee of the Fast and the Furious Franchise, but I've seen, like, half of them. They get more fun as they go one, with Fast 6 being an absolutely joy in redonkulous action approaching Commando levels of zaniness. This latest one is definitely just as good if not better than the 6th in terms of action, with the finale almost becoming an anime in how super-powerful Diesel, Statham and Rock all are. You never go in for the stories, but the series has yet to totally insult my intelligence. And it's nice to see a pretty diverse cast where white guys, at least in this movie, are the minority. Female characters are either Michelle Rodriguez I.E. badass, or Jordana Brewster, who practically stay at home in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant. The last five minutes are purposefully, indulgently heartfelt dedications to Paul Walker, which end the movie on an emotional feel. It's obvious that the last five minutes Walker's comprised of far away shots of his brother and CGI renderings of his face, but it's not done cynically. I can't imagine this franchise continuing...okay yes I can, but if this is the end it ends on a satisfying note.

And it has evil Tony Jaa, who is awesome.

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Birdman: Jesus, that was a damn good movie. The pacing of it was so well balanced, the acting was amazing, and the cinematography was gorgeous. It really did deserve every award it got and then some. Michael Keaton really deserved the Best Actor this year.

Films Watched: 33

Repeats: 1

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Birdman: Jesus, that was a damn good movie. The pacing of it was so well balanced, the acting was amazing, and the cinematography was gorgeous. It really did deserve every award it got and then some. Michael Keaton really deserved the Best Actor this year.

Man, I could not disagree more. The observations it made about actors, the current blockbuster environment, criticism, everything, were the most obvious and cliche it could make. The cinematography was a gimmick. There were great performances, especially from Emma Stone and Edward Norton, but I can't say I found Michael Keaton's earth shattering. I can understand why it got the acclaim it did on a superficial level, but I think that falls apart when you look deeper at it.

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^That, mostly. I give the actors an A+, but I really didn't like the movie itself. I kinda felt like the "character" that is the cameraman/writer/editor of Birdman was basically the same as Edward Norton's character: sometimes brilliant, but also a colossal douchebag with an ego the size of Antartica.

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I liked the movie overall, even though I went in thinking "Impress me, Keaton" (not a fan of his work with Burton or in Much Ado About Nothing). However, I'm not sad it didn't win Best Original Score and the bitchy critic actually felt like the director (or, vicariously, Keaton) flipping the bird to reviewers who don't like superhero films.

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Spice World: Not nearly as bad as I remember. It's not a great movie, mainly since it's trying to be too many different kinds of movies that it often feels like it doesn't know if it wants to be a screwball comedy, a buddy film, or a meta-commentary on fame. Still, outside of a couple of groan worthy scenes, enjoyable enough.

Matilda: I watched this movie a ton when I was a kid. It's a kids movie. Having been watching quite a bit of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia lately, it's weird seeing Danny DeVito play a slightly similar role. Mara Wilson was a good child actress.

Feature Films: 33

Direct to DVD: 1

Made-For-TV: 2

Repeats: 2

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A Chorus Line: Fucking. Terrible. Picked up a book halfway through because the film refused to have a story. Or even really a musical number for the duration of the first half. So so bad. The only redeeming quality is women in leotards, of which there are plenty. They should have taken Richard Attenborough's knighthood away for this.

Feature Films: 48

Documentaries: 2
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Take Me Home - I enjoyed this, but I was left wanting something better. As in, I kept imagining it with different actors in the lead roles. The two leads had an odd chemistry, which is odd since I think they are married.

Take Care - Enjoyed this a little less. Kinda paint by the numbers. The cast does what it can, but the script is a little meh.

The Rebound - Random Netflix choice. Kinda mediocre, but has a charm to it. Plus, Catherine Zeta-Jones is really hot.

They Live - A classic that (seemingly) ran every weekend on my UPN station. First time watching it in a non-TV format. Feels weird to not have commercials.

The Giant Mechanical Man - Really enjoyed this. Started a little slow, and had a few 'indie film quirks' that stand out, but they are minor nitpicks.

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Never Sleep Again: Clocking in at around four hours, this is a really in-depth documentary on the development of every Nightmare on Elm Street film, including Freddy vs Jason. The only one missing, however, being the 2010 remake. My thoughts on it: at times, it was a little silly and hoaky, but ultimately, a very good experience. I'd highly recommend it.

Films watched: 35

Repeats: 1

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: This was a hell of a lot of fun. Great action, decent comedy and a pretty solid script. In fact, it's a better story than most of the first Marvel hero movies. It's amazing how good an origin story can be if you don't spend the first act (at least) telling the origin and instead just drop it near the end of the second act. Does wonders for the pacing of a story. I am looking forward to seeing a sequel. My kids adored it.

Feature Films: 49

Documentaries: 2
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: This was a hell of a lot of fun. Great action, decent comedy and a pretty solid script. In fact, it's a better story than most of the first Marvel hero movies. It's amazing how good an origin story can be if you don't spend the first act (at least) telling the origin and instead just drop it near the end of the second act. Does wonders for the pacing of a story. I am looking forward to seeing a sequel. My kids adored it.

Feature Films: 49

Documentaries: 2

The 1990 version or the one that came out last year? Either way, you may be disappointed on the sequels front.

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You Got Served

Remember when this was a thing back in '04? Yeah, it sucked then and it sucks now. Like, almost stunningly bad, in a way most movies aren't anymore. Marques Houston is a tried and true actor, but B2K, who were all 19 or 20 at the time, barely tread water. Omarion's just about okay, but the writing doesn't give any of them favors. There's a hilariously ridiculous kid character whom I predicted getting gunned down the moment he appeared, even though that wasn't really foreshadowed because he was so cheeky.

The thing is, dancing movies aren't all crap. Stomp the Yard is a perfectly decent movie about black fraternities and their step-shows. I own that one and it's fine. But You Got Served was one of those early 2000s movies that tried to capture an element of the MTV youth generation that was rapidly dying out.

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