Every Film You've Watched in 2015


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Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves: Quit about 50 minutes in and not sure I'll be coming back. Shoddy, offensive, and inaccurate from the get-go. Even Alan Rickman and Morgan Freeman couldn't induce me to stay. If you haven't seen this, Ian, DON'T, and if you have plans to come back and remake this, Mike and Shana, DO.

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Evan Almighty: I have a sequel pitch featuring Jonah Hill's character. The Jewish version where he's Moses. This is fucking gold guys...I'm gonna do it!

The Karate Kid: yes, the remake. This is a rewatch, but not this year, I don't think. There is literally only one thing wrong with this movie and it's the title. Had they called it Kung Fu Kid, it would have been a hell of a lot better.

The Slashening: yes, it's really a movie.

Feature Films: 161

Documentaries: 13

Short films: 2

Rewatches: 3

 

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Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves: Quit about 50 minutes in and not sure I'll be coming back. Shoddy, offensive, and inaccurate from the get-go. Even Alan Rickman and Morgan Freeman couldn't induce me to stay. If you haven't seen this, Ian, DON'T, and if you have plans to come back and remake this, Mike and Shana, DO.

Oh I have, albeit not recently. And my memory is that, aside from the preposterous preponderence of American actors in the main roles (Christian Slater as Will Scarlet? Really?), I found it pretty enjoyable. By no means the definitive Robin Hood adaptation, but it certainly didn't agitate me the way it did to you!

Oh, and I second a revival of For Better or Worse (in general!) that looks at this movie. Then again, there have been SOOOOOOOO many adaptations of Robin Hood, that Hollywood kinda keeps doing this for Mr & Mrs Sims!

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Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves: Quit about 50 minutes in and not sure I'll be coming back. Shoddy, offensive, and inaccurate from the get-go. Even Alan Rickman and Morgan Freeman couldn't induce me to stay. If you haven't seen this, Ian, DON'T, and if you have plans to come back and remake this, Mike and Shana, DO.

Oh I have, albeit not recently. And my memory is that, aside from the preposterous preponderence of American actors in the main roles (Christian Slater as Will Scarlet? Really?), I found it pretty enjoyable. By no means the definitive Robin Hood adaptation, but it certainly didn't agitate me the way it did to you!

Oh, and I second a revival of For Better or Worse (in general!) that looks at this movie. Then again, there have been SOOOOOOOO many adaptations of Robin Hood, that Hollywood kinda keeps doing this for Mr & Mrs Sims!

You weren't put off the fact that the opening titles say Richard & Co. fought the Turks in the Holy Land rather than the Saracens/Saladin/the Muslims? Or...o, I don't know...the complete absence of King John? They do a Third Crusades-era Robin Hood and they forget King Fucking John--John Lackland? The one the Magna Carta was drafted to hold back? The Phony King of England? Anyone?

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Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves: Quit about 50 minutes in and not sure I'll be coming back. Shoddy, offensive, and inaccurate from the get-go. Even Alan Rickman and Morgan Freeman couldn't induce me to stay. If you haven't seen this, Ian, DON'T, and if you have plans to come back and remake this, Mike and Shana, DO.

Oh I have, albeit not recently. And my memory is that, aside from the preposterous preponderence of American actors in the main roles (Christian Slater as Will Scarlet? Really?), I found it pretty enjoyable. By no means the definitive Robin Hood adaptation, but it certainly didn't agitate me the way it did to you!

Oh, and I second a revival of For Better or Worse (in general!) that looks at this movie. Then again, there have been SOOOOOOOO many adaptations of Robin Hood, that Hollywood kinda keeps doing this for Mr & Mrs Sims!

You weren't put off the fact that the opening titles say Richard & Co. fought the Turks in the Holy Land rather than the Saracens/Saladin/the Muslims? Or...o, I don't know...the complete absence of King John? They do a Third Crusades-era Robin Hood and they forget King Fucking John--John Lackland? The one the Magna Carta was drafted to hold back? The Phony King of England? Anyone?

An omission for sure, but then this movie also implies that Kevin Costner and Christian Slater are half brothers, sharing a common blood bond with their father Brian Blessed. 

Given that the folklore of Robin Hood rarely makes John an incidental character, I think there are easier/better criticisms to make. Like Slater being Blessed's son. Seriously,  he must've taken after his offscreen, inexplicably American mother....

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Adjust Tracking: really fun and gory 5 minute short from Bloody Knuckles director.

Electric Fences: Incredibly uncomfortable short film featuring one of the most twinging gore effects I've ever seen. This Matt O. guy is awesome.

Feature Films: 161

Documentaries: 13

Short films: 4

Rewatches: 3

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And Then There Were None: A fun mystery. I hadn't seen it before and it's the rare film where I didn't guess the killer. Good for me!

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: It's Christopher Columbus. I don't have much belief in him in the last few years but still fun at times. Definitely a kids movie.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Probably the worst one in the series but ehh, whatever. It has some fun moments.

Bloodrayne: Deliverance: Pretty bad but it's lesser Uwe Boll so oh well. I got a couple of laughs.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: Is is Willy Wonka? Fuck no but I still enjoy it enough.

Feature Films: 78
Direct to DVD: 4
Made-For-TV: 2

Repeats: 5
Riff-Trax Assisted: 12

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Probably the worst one in the series but ehh, whatever. It has some fun moments.

Like every time Sir Kenneth was on screen! My memories of the initial Potters (1-3) was that they got exponentially better, but I'm probably due a rewatch.

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I've seen the whole Potter film series but most of them only once. Sorcerer's Stone and Goblet of Fire I've seen a few times on TV, but the rest were only once and theaters. As a casual fan tho, I couldn't contribute to a discussion of which films could be considered bad. The only thing off the top of my head, and no one likes this line, is Radcliffe's whole "HE WAS THEIR FRIEND!" exclamation.

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Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Probably the best in the series. Well-directed, it expands on the world just enough and everyone introduced adds to the plot. The Dementors are still fucking terrifying.

Nightbreed: The Director's Cut: Absolutely awesome. The make-up is top-notch, atmospheric the entire way through, and some great writing also. Only problem is that most of the human characters are beyond strawmen but that's kind of the point. If this had been the version that had been released in theaters, we would have gotten the sequel we deserved instead of pretty much nothing outside of a comics continuations.

Scream 4: I've already made my thoughts on this one known. They haven't changed. Seriously, I remember when the Weinstein's were known for doing anything for their directors and writers, being very hands-off. Now, there feel like there are no films that come out of there without some controversy over them forcing a worse cut or pushing out a writer for someone of the "caliber" of Ehren Krueger.

Feature Films: 81
Direct to DVD: 4
Made-For-TV: 2

Repeats: 5
Riff-Trax Assisted: 12

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