Every film you've watched in 2016


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The Dark Knight Rises - Dusted off some long unplayed podcast these past few weeks.  Cannot say that my opinion has changed any. I just don't see what others do in this movie.

Love and Other Drugs - DKR kicked off a bit of a Hathaway binge.  I really enjoy this movie, but Gyllenhaal always kills the big final scene for me.  Odd disconnect.

The Intern - And the binge ended here.  The story is simple and sweet.  The acting is fine and De Niro is quite charming as the loveable grandfather that teaches these young whippersnappers a thing or two.   Enjoyable, but maybe not my type of film.

Machete - This.  This is my type of film.  I love this thing so much. 

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Eye Spy: x-rated sex comedy from 1971. Terrible. Most impressive scene: chauffeur walks in on three chicks doing it and is like "Looks like ah showed up at tha perfect tahme!" in a southern drawl while the voiceover calls him a frenchman.

Snuffet: a found footage faux snuff film where the victims are puppets. No, apparently you can make this shit up. Most impressive scene: the opening where a man in a frog mask dissects the corpse of a puppet he just shot while quoting Sun Tzu.

Features: 63

Shorts: 20

Documentaries: 4

 
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I don't want to live in a world where my birthday isn't improved with puppet murder and pornography. 

I was pretty excited about the puppet murder, actually. I kind of wish they had muppet voices, you know, exaggerated and weird-sounding. Instead, they went for realism, which was kind of a copout, in a way.

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Dear Mr. Watterson - Nice documentary on Bill Waterson and Calvin and Hobbes. Bit of a lull in the middle when it was just interviews and not really propelling a narrative but it still had interesting things.

I assume they didn't interview Waterson. He is apparently fanatical about his privacy.

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Heathers: This movie would never get made today. It's an intelligent film about high school that's also a fucking pitch-black comedy about murder and suicide. At one point, a character takes out a gun at school and shoots someone with blanks and is back the next day. It's funny, well shot, and well acted. The third act is the only plave the film really falters but ehh, oh well.

Jack and the Beanstalk: A dub of an anime from the 70s. It's not an updated dib either, it's the original one from the 70s. It is trippy as all shit with some horrible songs added in. It's more worth watching as a cultural relic really. It has someof the limited animation of Speed Racer but many of the backgrounds are beautiful. The trippiness also turns very creepy towards the end so there's that.

Films: 35

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An Easter Bunny Puppy: Surprisingly more enjoyable when you watch it in a group.

Ninja 3: The Domination: A woman who is a telephone line worker\jazzercize instructor gets possessed by a dead ninja. Its a Cannon film, you should just expect some really schlocky acting and some hilariously bad situations.

Films: 36

Rewatches: 1

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Countdown - The LAW guys are reviewing it this week and I was in the mood for stupid, so I gave it a chance.  So, blah blah blah, cop, yadda yadda, own rules, blah blah, badge & gun, blah blah, saves the day.  Cliched to all hell, but watchable, in a background noise on TNT kinda way. 

Side note:  The trailers made it seem like this was set entirely backstage at a WWE show (which they showed some clips of, and since they cannot help themselves, edited in a way that is comically false) .  That was about 7 minutes within the first 20.

Oh, and I think WWE is missing the boat on these things.  I want a Sin Cara vs. the Vampire Space Mummies from Mars.  Okay, I just want El Santo movies.  Love those things.

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