Professor Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 I just ran to the corner store for a bottle of ketchup. I had my headphones in and the cashiers thought that meant I could not hear anything else, so they carried on their "conversation". The "conversation" being a shit battle rap session about Lord of the Rings "Return of the King". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venneh Posted October 16, 2011 Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 Bouncer 1: "Isn't that illegal in New York?" Bouncer 2: "What, anal?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 7, 2011 Report Share Posted November 7, 2011 Today I was in Wal-Mart and a cute girl approached me out of nowhere. Her: Hi, can you help me with something? Me: You want me to buy magazine subscriptions for "troops overseas" and need my credit card number. Her: ... how did you know? Me: Because you're just attractive enough for me to know that this conversation wasn't going to end without you trying to get me to buy something. Her: Wow. Thanks. Me: That wasn't a compliment. Then she awkwardly walked away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professor Posted November 16, 2011 Report Share Posted November 16, 2011 Customer at work today: "Do you have a Wii remote charger in the shape of The Undertaker?" Turns out, they exist. But why? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted November 21, 2011 Report Share Posted November 21, 2011 This is actually in my Facebook feed. HE COULDN'T SPELL "OUR'S". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venneh Posted November 21, 2011 Report Share Posted November 21, 2011 ...Any chance that poor person is still in high school or younger? Cause that's the only way that's acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koete Posted November 21, 2011 Report Share Posted November 21, 2011 Preston, internet. Internet, Preston. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted November 21, 2011 Report Share Posted November 21, 2011 He went to my high school, and is older than I. No excuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 21, 2011 Report Share Posted November 21, 2011 Nothing wrong with the god of war getting an early start to his morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaxPower Posted November 21, 2011 Report Share Posted November 21, 2011 Nothing wrong with the god of war getting an early start to his morning. Hahaha, now I want to find an Ares twitter feed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackFetch Posted November 21, 2011 Report Share Posted November 21, 2011 That's my main reason for hating Twitter. If I can't say what I want with everything spelled correctly with punctuation, then it's not worth saying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaxPower Posted November 21, 2011 Report Share Posted November 21, 2011 See that's why I like Twitter, as I tend to ramble, so it forces me to find fewer words... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professor Posted January 1, 2012 Report Share Posted January 1, 2012 Another gem of a conversation with my roommate: Him: "You don't need to know that names of people to be their friend." Me: "You've known these people for 5+ years. You should have a handle of their names by now." Him: "Doesn't matter." I don't understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dc20willsave Posted January 1, 2012 Report Share Posted January 1, 2012 To be fair, one of my best mates, I didn't know his name for the first year of knowing him. This is one of the problems of meeting people while playing D&D. You learn their character names before you learn theirs and then you keep on calling them the wrong name afterwards because he answers to Stan and you already have a Dan you're friends with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venneh Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 Walked into my building this morning. The building smells like smoke. This is odd, especially at 7:30 in the morning. I head up to my floor, and the smoke smell gets stronger. There are two microwaves sitting in front of the elevator, which is kind of odd. I eventually find out that the largest and main microwave for our floor has been destroyed due to it somehow being set on fire. So, reasonably, I assume that our building, which is also amazingly old, just had shitty wiring. Oh no. Turns out that my boss set it on fire. With a muffin. On the inside of the microwave. I'll just let that sink in. My boss set a fire enough that there were black clouds of smoke and that the fire department had to be called in a microwave by microwaving a muffin. It had a paper wrapper on it, no metal or anything. I have no idea how she managed this. I also found out today that the floor directly above us, which i've been up to and is supremely creepy, used to be a medical lab with a wall of fetuses. Yes. A fetus wall. No, I don't know, and I don't want to. ... My department's interesting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted January 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 The other day at Target, a brother and sister were arguing over what would make the ultimate fight. Their conclusion? Snakes versus robots versus skeletons. I wanted to walk up to their parents to say, "Parenting. You're doing it right." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted January 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 While signing into the computer lab just now, someone, no joke, muttered "first" underneath his breath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venneh Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 "It's all the skunks' fault! They're why I can't smell my nuts. ...Wait..." -my coworker, while playing Squarrels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dc20willsave Posted February 20, 2012 Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 My German Professor: "Angela Merkle, our current Chancellor, is probably the best one Germany has had since World War 2." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightWing Posted February 20, 2012 Report Share Posted February 20, 2012 My friend was telling me recently about how one of her classmates in German class incorrectly parodied the Nazi salute, which led to the German teacher basically instructing the entire class in how to do it correctly in unison. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted March 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2012 After handing a student a short story he had just printed, he called out to me: "Hey!" I acknowledged him with an upward nod. "Have you seen Rosemary's Baby?" "No, I have not," I said semi-formally. "You should, 'cause like Rosemary's Baby," he tapped his now-stapled pages, "My story rocks!" And with that, he walked out of the computer lab. (I imagined him dropping a microphone, too.) I have no idea what just happened Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted June 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 This little gem was heard while walking back to work this afternoon: "She should have told me! I mean, she didn't know I fucked him. I even forgot I fucked him. (I think I was drunk.) But how dare she not tell me! Now it's all awkward and shit!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 My new apartment is just off the Boston College campus, and I live next to an off-campus housing apartment building (i.e., the dorm for kids whose parents can afford to put them up in a nice apartment rather than actually being in a dorm) and I frequently walk past, listening to pearls of wisdom. "I mean, information should be free, man. Information needs to be free. You wouldn't go around charging people for oxygen, would you? You wouldn't just, like, go inside someone's head and suck out their knowledge for lack of payment, would you? No, man. This is bullshit. Information is knowledge, and knowledge is power. That's why I shouldn't have to pay my own Internet bill." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garfield Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 That sounds like those space hippies from the second episode of The Zeta Project. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted November 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 Dan, weed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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