Did I just hear that?


Missy

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At my work there is a fiberglass cow (named Rose) with a built in water system. This may appear strange, but many visitors like to come and milk the cow. However every once in a while, a visitor will come and identify Rose as either a horse, a male or both. I can forgive a child who does not know the difference between male and female, usually the parent is there to explain. But every once in a while it is the adult who makes the confusion. When that happens I do not know how to react, I just get worried.

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  • 2 weeks later...

When talking about the Zimmerman trial with a co-worker that is African-American:

Her: The bible says an eye for an eye.

Me: The bible isn't law.

Her: Well, you swear on the bible in court don't you?

Me: You don't have to. You can choose to swear on the constitution.

Her: What has the constitution ever done for me?

Me: It's the reason you aren't a slave. You know, the thirteenth amendment?

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Coming back from lunch, there was an upper-middle class family walking down the street from their hotel. The kid, who looked to be eight or nine, asked his dad, "Is that an alley?"

"Mh-hmm."

"Who'd wanna be in there?"

Welcome to the city, kid!

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I had a woman call seeing if we had any books on Stockholm Syndrome because she's worried about someone. When I mentioned we didn't but Wikipediaor a counseling website she could consult, she responded she's 67 and won't touch a computer for moral reasons.

What you want to bet a grandchild is listening to the rock and roll?

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I had a woman call seeing if we had any books on Stockholm Syndrome because she's worried about someone. When I mentioned we didn't but Wikipediaor a counseling website she could consult, she responded she's 67 and won't touch a computer for moral reasons.

What you want to bet a grandchild is listening to the rock and roll?

Those bloody Monkees have corrupted another youth. It's a plague I tells yah.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Yesterday, while having a drink at Whole Foods, I sat a seat down from a couple on a date. This is what transpired.

Man: I remember the first time I asked you out.

Woman: Me, too.

Man: You turned me down because you had a boyfriend.

Woman: [inaudible, but something to do with her now-ex having cheated on her.]

Man: Yeah, guys will always cheat.

Why she didn't get up and leave, I have no idea.

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Lady: Do you know the time?

Me: It's ten to eleven.

Lady: Hmm. Do you know if Creative Writing will be here today?

It being late in the summer, classes are over until the beginning of September. So I had no idea what she was looking for. That said, I asked:

Me: Are you looking for a particular person?

Lady: Well, the Creative Writing class meets here every Wednesday, but no one's here.

Me: It's Thursday.

Lady: What?!

With that, she ran off.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So, Im running a workshop this morning. It's at a local hotel. It's a bunch of social workers.

The brilliant folks at the hotel decided to schedule a firearms conference the same morning, so we ended up being in front to funnel people appropriately.

When asked if they were going to the social work conference, one said the following to me:

"Well if we do our job there'll be less of you!"

Oo

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They moved a division of the sales department to the row next to me. These are kids either right out of business school, or in that "work eperience" detail after college but before actually entering business school, and they are fucking morons. It's a constant stream of "Dude. Dude. Bro. Dude. Seriously. Dude. Family Guy reference. Dude."

Today, what comes floating over the wall? "Seriously, dude, my mom's abs were so ripped, they couldn't even find me."

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Tales From Over the Wall, part 2:

They are having a rather heated argument about Batman. One of them is insistent that Batman is awesome, dude, and this is the unshakable core of his argument. (I cannot fault this.) The other is insistent that it makes no sense that anyone would do that, and that if someone were that rich, they could pay an entire army of athletes and mercenaries to be Batmen.

The difference being that they are WAY too angry and WAY too into this. They have passed excitably raised voices and ventured into full bore shouting at each other. In fact, as I type this, one of them is being led to HR.

Because Batman.

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