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Splice

Don't know why it took me so long to see this. May take another viewing before it grows on me completely. Definitely goes in some weird places near the end. Right now, I'd probably place it at the bottom of all the Natali stuff I've seen (Cube, Cypher, Nothing). The Elsa character as a whole was an issue for me.

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X-men- Wonderfully slow-paced introduction to the mutant world, and good choices made regarding the characters that we see though. Some effects are a little ropey but they're good considering that these sorts of abilities had never been portrayed on film at this point. Inspired casting all around, even Rogue who seems to be most people's problem with the film. There are downsides, characters like Sabretooth get the short end of the stick character-wise. However in the end this is definitely worth your time.

***1/2

X-men 2- Excellence. Totally Wolverine-centric film, even more than the first, but that's fine because Cox as Stryker holds the villainous side together admirably and the result is something that is both very personal and yet global at the same time. Notable new mutants include Nightcrawler, whose assault on the White House is probably the best moment in the whole franchise. His only downside is that most of his scenes were with Storm at a point when Halle Berry was chock full of post-Oscar arrogance. Those scenes only existed because she demanded them. Jean's sacrifice is a great capper to the best Superhero film to date at that point, and honestly the second best of all time after Dark Knight Fine stuff.

**** 1/2

X-men: The Last Stand- Y'know aside from the overall direction of what they did with Jean I quite like this. It feels thematically consistent with the first two, and they did a great job introducing some of the new mutants like Beast and Angel. Even though Cyclops goes out like a bitch (he'd been way under-emphasised in the franchise anyway). Of all the films because this one raises the issue of the cure it's actually the one that best examines the allegorical uses of the mutant idea. I dock it a point for misjudging the Phoenix arc but really it's pretty enjoyable.

***

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The only thing really wrong with the Last Stand was an inability to find something to do with Jean Grey and Cyclops. Even then, what they did wasn't bad performance-wise or in execution, the problems lay in the conception.

I mean, it's really the only X-men film where we get to see a real team working together. Beast is perfect in his character look and physicality. Iceman finally gets to do something. Kitty gets both a character and something to do. Colossus gets to fight. Juggernaut is well-done. Angel is well-done. There's really no mutants in there who I can honestly say got truly messed around by the studio. Maybe Jamie Madrox, but he was consistent with old portrayals of him. We get references to Sentinals, fastball specials, the cure was a reference to Astonishing X-men as was Dr Rao who developed it.

It's WAY better than bloody Wolverine origins. Wolverine Origins takes a huge dump on a LOT of characters AND the continuity of the franchise. I can find it in me to get pissed at how they ruined Deadpool. Later on I mean, Ryan Reynolds was great at the start. I can't find it in my heart to fault The Last Stand for failing to provide a good storyline and portrayal of an intergalactic super-being gone mad.

If I'd have been asked to explain to a movie going audience how in the third act of a franchise without warning there are suddenly aliens and a cosmic force had suddenly inhabited a main character and turned them evil I'd have gone with "Bitches be crazy" instead every single time.

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I think my issue with The Last Stand rests mostly on the fact that it ruined the final act of the characters. The emotional journey that they'd been on for two films ended up swerving into nothingness. Also, it killed off Cyclops and Xavier (sort of), making the possibility of the same character arcs from X1 and X2 returning slim.

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Alien 3: Some of my complaints I'm going to blame on the fact that this is the blu-ray version, and I watched the 2003 special edition.

The xenomorph kept changing size and it looked like a very cheap CGI effect. At one point, it's 2 feet tall, the next it's 8-9 feet.

The film goes at a very slow pace, like the original, but it just doesn't hold your interest like the original, it starts to get a bit dull, and overly complicated.

The "Alien vision" where you followed the Alien on the run, might have looked cool and different at the time, but now, it just comes across as a generic camera movement, that doesn't add any tension to the scene.

Because theirs like thirteen prisoners who Ripley interacts with, nobody bar the warden, his sidekick, the doctor, and the priest/rapist get any real character development, and when they are killed off, I had no reason to care about them. They were all bald murderers who found god, even Pete Postlethwaite wasn't given very much screen time.

I will say, it was nice seeing Ripley dealing with a new version of the monster, and dealing with her own mortality and the fact that she's going to have to die to take out the queen Alien growing inside her, so she has to make a choice, either kill herself, or be killed by the alien queen growing inside her. It was an interesting idea, and does make Ripley's final actions a great send off for the character. Not the happiest of endings, but it worked.

It isn't the worst film in the series, but that doesn't mean it wasn't just painfully average to watch.

Next to come, Alien: Resurrection

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Firewall: It starts off interesting, but then it becomes a generic bank robbery film, and then tries very hard to be funny "I'm going to go get my dog!" and the church scene, but the jokes fell flat, and the criminals were all generic, you had the hard man, the kind criminal and the super genius boss. Not worth watching, ever.

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Man of the year: It was good, but nothing special. It takes the idea of a man jokingly running for president, and actually makes it a little interesting. Then it kicks in a conspiracy theory and how all big companies are evil. Jeff Goldblum is just standing around as the evil lawyer and does nothing, then the film has a very forced happy ending. Everybody seemed to just not give a shit about this film, and I miss the days when Robin Williams didn't have to try and force being funny.

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The "Cold Slither" episode of G.I. Joe (the old, 80s version) is quite possibly the most batshit insane thirty minutes of television in history, and I'll fight any man who says otherwise.

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The "Cold Slither" episode of G.I. Joe (the old, 80s version) is quite possibly the most batshit insane thirty minutes of television in history, and I'll fight any man who says otherwise.

Heh. One of my old bands used to cover that. What a mindfuck of Reagan-era television that episode was. Shooting people = ok. Heavy metal = bad.

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it's just... joyful in its nonsensicality. GI Joe raids Cobra's piggy bank, so while Cobra officers stand in the unemployment line (this is an actual thing that happens), Cobra Commander steals a million dollars from a dwarven loan shark by ELECTROCUING HIM WITH HIS FACE.

That's all in the first five minutes.

Then Destro writes a computer program to write rock music. They record a song with a "subliminal message" to hypnotize people, even though the actual, sung-out-loud-in-plain-English lyrics to the song are about Cobra taking over the world and how the listener is powerless to stop them.

And after the main plot in which the Dreadnoks are disguised as a glam-metal band and take over a stadum full of people, we are treated to a scene in which members of GI Joe actually strap on instruments and rock out to the theme song, which is every bit as squirm-inducing as you can imagine.

Just... wow.

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I have no recollection of that episode at all, but that sounds awesome! And by awesome, I mean fucking awesome!

I remembered it primarily because I have had the "Cold Slither" song running through my head almost continuously since I was eleven years old. Upon rewatching, it's not brilliant stuff, but my God, is it ever memorable.

Seriously, the Complete Series boxset is probably the best present I have ever given myself.

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Back when cartoons were awesome.

Cartoons today are still pretty good. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure Time, Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated, Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, and Batman: The Brave & The Bold are all stand outs.

Besides, you can't say the 80s were that incredibly awesome. The 80s produced Scrappy Doo. If anything, the 90s, which produced Batman The Animated Series, Gargoyles, Darkwing Duck, Sonic SatAM, Reboot, Where on Earth is Carmen San Diego, and so many other great shows is most deserving of this nostalgia factor. Mind you the 80s produced some great programs, it's just that the 90s produced some shows way beyond what were partially glorified toy commercials.

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If anything, the 90s, which produced Batman The Animated Series, Gargoyles, Darkwing Duck, Sonic SatAM, Reboot, Where on Earth is Carmen San Diego, and so many other great shows is most deserving of this nostalgia factor. Mind you the 80s produced some great programs, it's just that the 90s produced some shows way beyond what were partially glorified toy commercials.

This.

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There are great cartoons and total clunkers in every era. I was a child of the 80s, and I freely admit that nostalgia colors a LOT of what I watch and enjoy. I did a complete rewatch of the entire Sunbow/Marvel Productions GI Joe series last year, and while there were some great, great episodes, there was a LOT of crap. Doesn't mean it's still not my favorite animated series of all time, even though I readily admit that there are much, much better ones out there.

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