Somewhat an article that fell apart.

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I started to write this just to do something as my mind was so fucked, with, well, that's not important. What is important is that I wrote this and I wondered if it is even readable. I wrote most of it in one sitting, took an hours break and broke the stream and pretty much the end is a cluster of shit.

Thanks for looking.

This pill will help you sleep at night, this one will suppress your appetite, and hopefully, this one will stop you from jumping out of a window with a noose around your neck. Two hundred years ago, people who heard voices in their heads were said to be possessed by demons, the devil was inside them and the only way for them to be free of it, was to see a witch doctor, or to end their lives. One hundred years ago, if you were to feel like life wasn’t worth living, you were meant to keep it to yourself and solider on, there would be no one to help you through, no one but the person staring at you in the mirror. Today, things are said to be different, no longer are people who hear voices in their heads possessed by satanic forces. Today, the person who tunes your car or looks after your children may be someone who feels their life is not worth living, but they are no longer told they have to soldier on; nowadays you can go to your GP and be given a prescription for any number of things to help “Chase the blues away”

When you walk to work, go to the supermarket, or even watch television, you encounter hundreds of people a day, chances are at least a few of them have had moments in their lives when they felt it wasn’t worth going on. Sometimes these feelings go away after a few minutes, maybe even a few hours, or maybe they will last for longer, perhaps just a few days, or maybe a few weeks, or years. This is the mood known as depressed, and feeling this for a long period of time is known as depression. No one can say decisively what causes people to feel this way, as just like every single person, every single case is individual and different. You could take a survey of ten people who have suffered from it, they would all tell you about something bad that happened in their lives. Maybe one will tell you about their father dying in a car crash suddenly, or after years of pain with cancer they still couldn’t come to terms with the death of a loved one. Person two may say something totally different, maybe they got fired from their job and worried about paying their bills and didn’t feel like life was worth living anymore.

These may be the points that people feel their problems started, but when you ask them if that is the only thing they are worried about today, chances are they will say no, and they may mention not being able to leave their house anymore, or maybe the worry has cause them to gain lots of weight that they cannot get rid of, or maybe they are just sad that they are missing a pen, although that may seem trivial, it may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

When you start to feel alone, the main belief is that talking about your problems to a friend may help, the old saying that “A problem shared, is a problem halved” may be true in some cases, to be able to tell someone you trust that you need to talk and get stuff off your chest. Unfortunately, from a young age the belief that soldiering on is the only way to get through things, even now at a time when help is meant to be readily available, people still don’t see how it will help them.

To flip the coin and look at it from the side of the person who feels alone and empty, you may be able to see why help is not an option that comes to mind. People who suffer from “the blues” may believe that no one cares about their problems and that others have their own problems and can’t or won’t want yours on top of that, you wouldn’t do that to someone else maybe, but you’re not the person, you don’t know how they would react, only how you would think they could react. People who suffer from “the blues” are also more susceptible to notice the little things about themselves that may never have bothered them before.

People who suffer from “the blues” are more likely to eat more to “feel something again” and eat even when they are not hungry, this causes the person to notice that they are gaining weight and feel less attractive and notice people in the street looking at them, therefore causing them to feel ugly and going home and eating to stop the pain and continuing the cycle. Not everyone who suffers from the blues eats heavily and notices increased weight gain. Most people can just wake up one day and not want to leave their bed, not because they are sick, it’s cold outside, sometimes it may be the hottest day of the year, and they had a good eight hours of full sleep. The person may just not want to face the outside world, maybe it’s the daily grind of having to get up and do something that you don’t feel appreciated for, maybe you just feel like today is just not a good day. Whatever the reason, the first time you stop is the first time you really start to notice things are slightly off.

Going to see a doctor or GP, may seem helpful, but in most cases some may feel it is not helpful, or that you are alone in the world. There are thousands of anti-depressants available on the market today, some work to some, some work to theirs and some just do nothing, and in some cases things make things worse. Whatever the reason, people must remember that life is what you make of it, and even though staring into the abyss of your own soul may not be where you saw yourself going today, make sure it isn’t the last place you go.

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