The "Good news, everyone!" thread


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I'm on E2 while chilling out in the press box of the MTS Centre covering a hockey game while enjoying free Popcorn and soda. There are very few things that could make me enjoy this moment.

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I'm on E2 while chilling out in the press box of the MTS Centre covering a hockey game while enjoying free Popcorn and soda. There are very few things that could make me enjoy this moment.

I'm assuming you mean "enjoy this moment more"?

Dubs, if she doesn't prove to be an axe murderer, she sounds like a keeper. Make sure not to pull a Liz Lemon and you should do fine.

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I'm on E2 while chilling out in the press box of the MTS Centre covering a hockey game while enjoying free Popcorn and soda. There are very few things that could make me enjoy this moment.

I'm assuming you mean "enjoy this moment more"?

Indeed. Was a great night (short of the Moose losing a heartbreaker.

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I might tell the whole story later, but the following are involved.

- A guy rolling a joint in front of me.

- Two people fucking in the other room.

- Her crying.

- A knife.

- A game of strip Yahtzee.

- About 35 seconds of actual movie watching.

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I might tell the whole story later, but the following are involved.

- A guy rolling a joint in front of me.

- Two people fucking in the other room.

- Her crying.

- A knife.

- A game of strip Yahtzee.

- About 35 seconds of actual movie watching.

Best. Trailer. Ever.

Seriously though, I want to hear the story, you've got me very interested now.

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Okay, so I roll into this house. I'm presentable as I can possibly be. Even bought new sneakers and cleaned out my car for the occasion.

Now, she doesn't live alone, and I knew this, but she was implying that she shared the place with at most, four people. So imagine my dismay when I'm invited in and see, no joke, about fifteen 20-somethings in various forms of undress. I meet up with Alice (my "date") and she leads me through the sea of humanity. This is where I see the aforementioned game of Strip Yahtzee and the guy offering me a joint.

"Clearly" I said aloud to no one in particular, "someone here is a band".

So we head into her room. We get to maybe the first kill in Wonder Woman before the overpowering sounds of rockus lovemaking come to us from the next room. She walks right in on them and yells at them to stop it. This fails. Fifteen minutes pass, she hasn't returned, and I'm just sitting on the edge of this stranger's bed. None of my senses are safe. My eyes are assaulted with posters of every shitty alt rock band you can imagine wall to wall. My ears are struck with a combination of laughter, douche dialogue, and a guy enjoying sex significantly louder than the girl he's with. My nose is trying to fight off the combination of pot and fuck-fumes. I don't care if she gets them to stop. I want to get the fuck out of here.

I hear her yelling at them again. They finally stop. She returns. For some reason, she's holding a knife. She sits down, ready to resume the film.

"You're holding a knife" I say.

She laughs, makes a thinly veiled joke about not hurting me, unless I wanted to be. Now, I can admit, it's a line that some girls can pull off. Not the one holding the knife who'd clearly been on something before I got there. Before I'm able to respond with "what the holy fuck is wrong with you?", the people in the next room start fucking again, this time trying to drown it out by playing "Smack My Bitch Up".

This is when I reach my breaking point.

"Yeah, I'm out of here."

She follows me outside. She is now yelling at no one in particular in the front yard. At least she put down the knife. All that's missing from the scene is a shirtless guy on his porch describing the tornado and we'll have officially reached "white trash" status. Now she's crying. I start asking questions I already know the answers to.

"Did you just get dumped a few days ago?"

"Did you invite me here cause I was the first guy you ran into and you needed a rebound fuck?"

"Is someone in this house in a band?"

Minutes later, I get into my car, do a quick double facepalm and think about how unbelievably tired I am of being right all the time.

On the bright side, new shoes.

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It's nowhere near as bad as DW's story, but here it is:

Back in high school I was seeing this girl who was so not right for me. We both knew it, too. But we were still attracted to each other, so we got together and messed around a little.

One day after school I went to her house, thinking we'd be alone. When I got there her sister (cousin?) was hanging around, but I didn't care. I just wanted to make out with this girl I'd loosely call my girlfriend. So, anyway, we're all sitting in the front room, with the sister / cousin on the couch (probably stoned, now that I think about it), me in a recliner, and the woman I came to see in my lap. We're fooling around a little, with The Downward Spiral playing in the background. After a while of this she gets off my lap, walks into her bedroom, returns almost instantly, comes around the back of the chair I'm sitting in, and bites my cheek. Hard.

Holding my face, I jump up and yell, "What the fuck's your problem?!"

She giggles, almost innocently, "I love you."

With that, I grabbed my school bag, called her a "crazy bitch," and stormed out. (On the way out the door, the sister / cousin tossed a casual "bye" my way, as if I'd be back the next day.) I was so pissed I didn't even wait for the bus. I needed to get the anger out of my system, so I walked the six miles home.

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