When the Levee Breaks


Molly
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In my independent study of play-writing, I decided that my first work would be something outside of the ordinary for me. No comedy, no existentialism here. What we have here is an expressionistic drama that I scooped handily from Woyzeck, exploring the life of a 30 something police officer after he's made the biggest mistake he could on the job. I present, When the Levee Breaks.

EDIT: This bad boy is sitting somewhere just under a half hour, which makes it my longest short play to date. If you're interested in getting at my other two plays, my portfolio is Here

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Great! Perfect for its medium. Great job, mang!

Edit: Sorry, if the above sounds weird. By "perfect for its medium" I'm not saying that its good FOR A play. I'm saying that so many plays try and be movies or to be literary. Yours comes alive while reading it.

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Reading right now, and so far I am enjoying it, except for the opening scenes. Here's what my things are:

The opener with the psychiatrist, to me, feels a bit off, it work better to me, if the psychiatrist were to lead the description of why Charlie is in the psychiatrist's office. Like he were to read the report on the event, and Charlie to break in at points, like when he mentions the second bullet, and where he hit the boy with the third. This is just how I would break it up and make the scene feel more like a dilogue was opening up, as this was the first session, and it would take some real prodding to open the person up, in my eyes, though I could be wrong. This is all dependant on how you feel about it, I'm just looking at this from a different vantage point.

Scene 4, this line:

I am not paranoid. I am a damn good cop. And I am not stupid

I think it would flow better if he just said:

I am a cop. And I am not stupid.

Something like that, but not that, as that still doesn't fit. But something to let her know, it's his job to wonder what's going on.

I just finished, the ending, I would just have the woman repeatedly shouting at Charlie, as he walks off, and realises what his life is worth, and what matters.

The best character in this for me to read was Charlie, I could actually hear his voice while reading the story enticing me to continue reading. For me, the voice I heard being Charlie was this guy.

The other person I dream casted while reading your story was the woman at the end, and the person I heard screaming about alomst being assaulted was Lin Shaye. Picture

All in all, this was an enjoyable story, and although I say these changes, they are just what I would do to it. But that's just me, otherwise this was an enjoyable read.

All

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