Request thread (with scores!), updates, and random thoughts


D.W.
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Let's face it, we've all seen Donnie Darko and probably have good memories of it. S. Darko is your typical sequel cash-in that feels like someone watched the trailer for the previous films, looked at some stills from online, and might have read the wikipedia page and used that to craft a sequel. What you get is a movie that makes no sense in the context of the original and makes less sense in context of the film it is. Also, Elizabeth Berkley plays a religious fanatic.

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Cruel Intentions was barely a good film. Cruel Intentions 2 is a million times worse. You know that game where you write a line of a story, pass it to the next person who writes the next one, they fold over the first line and pass it on, etc. It feels like that's what happened with the screenplay. Well, as it turns out, the movie was originally a pilot for a show on Fox that was a prequel to Cruel Intentions. Fox had the good sense to cancel it before it ever aired despite even being in the TV Guide Fall Preview. So, someone decided to film additional footage and show it as a sequel. What we get is bad. Like really bad. Like "Jesus Christ, Amy Adams is in this and should never have worked again" bad. Almost all of the dialogue is cringe worthy and one line completely recontextualizes the original film. Also, a character, in an evil plot to get revenge, decides to get another character laid. If it had went to series, the next episode surely would have had her next evil plot be to get revenge on a second string footballer by making his quarterback.

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The Apocalypse: Interesting not-interesting fact about Will: I don't have a favorite movie of all time. Rather, I have a holy trinity that shifts depending on my mood. One day it could be All About Eve, the next it's American Beauty, the next Sunset BLVD. On the other end of the spectrum, I have what feels like a Pentinity of The Shittiest Movies I have ever seen: After Last Season, Tales of an Ancient Empire, Abe's Tomb, Murder-Set-Pieces, and Kaboom. I've never run into a case where I feel the need to expand and add to that. That just changed.

What we have here is a movie that fails in the first five minutes and keeps on finding new ways to fail. Sandra Bernhard (!) stars as the captain of a scavenging ship with the worst crew ever put together including her ex, his psychopathic friends, some guy, and a bartender. They're after a McGuffin which is on a drifting ship that was sabotaged by Laura San Giacomo (!) who pretty much just quotes Shakespeare all movie. No one is likable which is par for course for a Tiradesverse film but then, then it finds new ways to make the character barely tolerable because they can't even remember their own freaking plot points they brought up five minutes prior. It all leads up to a barely there conclusion. Also, half the cast speaks in nontendre and are miscast to hell and back. Throw in some terrible fucking special effects, even for independent films in 1997. Seriously, holy what the fuck?!?

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I hereby request that you cover Saw 8 when it comes out. And from the Lionsgate pages on Facebook and Twitter, it seems inevitable.

https://twitter.com/lionsgatehorror/status/582962534254272515

https://www.facebook.com/LionsgateHorror/photos/a.708223742575672.1073741828.685953224802724/867287696669275/?type=1

"People die... the game cannot."

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It's funny--if I hadn't been wearing a headset mic (for my incoming audio) Damien wouldn't have heard me and I probably would've realized my gaffe immediately. The audio on my end is going to sound like I recorded my voice on the other end of a tunnel.

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