Episode 09: The Wicker Man (2006)


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I don't know if the writer is being sarcastic or if she likes it in an ironic way, but she named The Wicker Man the best remake of all time.

1. The Wicker Man (2006)

Stand aside, Edward Woodward, and make room for Nicolas Cage and Neil LaBute, who together created one of the most entertaining remakes ever to grace our screens. Definitely the most quotable film on both lists, the 2006 version of The Wicker Man provided us with gems like “Killing me won’t bring back your goddamn honey!” and “Oh no, not the bees, not the bees!” and proved beyond all doubt that an intense and emotional horror film can easily be reworked as a slapstick comedy.

Aside from being excellent anti-feminist propaganda, replacing the pagan cult of the original with a band of man-hating lesbians who brainwash their children into thinking that man is nothing more than a phallic symbol and that bees are the almighty lords of all creation, the film is also a deep exploration of a number of controversial political and philosophical issues. A lot of these issues are left open to the interpretation of the viewer, meaning that even today scholars and academics find themselves unable to find a definitive answer to the question, “How did it get burned?”

The climax of the film comes when Nicolas Cage, dressed in a bear costume, runs through the woods punching women in the face. A cinematic triumph.

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  • 1 year later...

I think I may have stumbled upon a formula to measure bursts of Nic Cages career. You take the film divided by mugging times volume times camera close up. Multiply by the square root of the time spent of him being in a car chase. Finally you add or subtract the variable of Nic Cage being the only character in the show you're supposed to like.

.....Its a work in progress.

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