The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part One


Recommended Posts

Within the last 24 hours I experienced something that I would not wish on any other human being. Something profoundly wrong, disturbing, and sickening. Something that offended me as a man, as a horror fan, as a geek, and as a viewer of movies. I am speaking of <i>The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part One</i>. Until now, my experience with the <i>Twilight</i> franchise had been mostly osmosis; I've heard about it, I've had girlfriends see the films, but I'd never directly experienced them myself. As a geek, there's been a certain level of vitriol directed at the series due to its quality and the actions of its fans. And yes, because of my affection for a certain other series starring a vampire with slightly ridiculous hair, I have even jumped on that train myself. But all the same, while I knew it wasn't for me, I never actually bore the series any ill will. If people will pay to watch it, go nuts; it's not hurting anyone. I apologize, that was wrong of me. I have never been more wrong about anything in my entire life.

<b>To read more, click here:</b>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Renesmee bit had me howling. As per Stavros, the only tangible benefit of the Twilight series is that it's helped produce the greatest Rifftrax of all time (although Last Airbender is pretty close)

I read a thing a few years ago about how someone was really looking forward to Breaking Dawn because he didn't see how they were going to keep all the batshit insanity in. From the sounds of your review, they found a way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here, kids. For your eternal horror.


The according quote from Cleolinda's Movies in 15 Minutes summary of Breaking Dawn:

[Renesmee catches Jacob's eye (the infant hussy!), and there, with Rosalie blessedly unaware of the fuckery unfolding behind her, Jacob. imprints. ON. THE BABY.]


[He then goes tripping into a misty vision of Renesmee as a child and then a teenager presumably at the age of consent (but younger than her 17- and 18-year-old parents, because anything else would just be weird) frolicking through her very own sparkle meadow:]

JACOB: It's like she's your new center of gravity. Nothing exists but her. You would do anything she wanted. Be anything she wanted. Friend, brother, protector, diaper-changer, babysitter, playdate, boyfriendbutonlyifshewantsyouto THAT IMPLIES CONSENT OKAY?!?!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here, if you really want to know

In short, it's REALLY fuckin' creepy.

Also, Cleolinda's explanation of it, which is still pretty damn horrifying:

Imprinting,” for those of you just joining us, is a love-at-first-sight thing where a wolf guy (or girl, I suppose, given Leah’s presence in the pack) sees someone for the first time and that someone instantly becomes the center of his (or her) universe. As Jacob painstakingly explains to Bella in New Moon, it’s not (necessarily) a sexual thing: whatever Claire needs—a brother, a friend, a lover—Quil will be that for her, because “that kind of love and devotion is hard to resist.” Read: Claire has absolutely no choice in this at all, and is going to end up with a guy she’s practically been raised with (by?).

(Side note: Quil is another teenager werewolf who has imprinted on a toddler.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.