Help Choose Mike's Pain



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During the Pledge Drive, I donated twice at the 50 dollar level. For the first review I gave Mike, I chose Act 1 of the webcomic Homestuckwhich is something I rather enjoy. However, to keep the balance, I needed to pick something terrible for the second review. I am still at odds for what to give Mike. That's where you all come in. I have scrapped the bottle of the barrel for this and produced five of the worst movies that one can get on Netflix or Youtube and I want your help in choosing them. It's worth noting that there are all perfect candidates for Tranquil Tirades also. They are:

The Item (couldn't find a trailer on YouTube so ehh. There's one at the IMDb page.)

A story about four felons who get hired to pick up a box and inside is a psychic giant penis worm. I am not making that up.

Starring: No one.

Gor (I couldn't find the trailer so here's the poster.)


Admit it, you always wanted a film adaptation to the most misogynistic novel series of all time. The sequel made one of the best episodes of MST3K of all time. John Carpenter of Mars wants it's money back.

Starring: Jack Palance because he had to do something until City Slickers came out.

Roller Blade

A movie about Rollerskating nuns in the wasteland. Sadly, it's not even the worst movie about Rollerskating nuns in the wasteland that I've seen, it just happens to be the only one I could find on YouTube or Netflix.

Starring: C'mon, it's not even on Wikipedia. Who do you think would even admit to being in this?

The rest in the next post.

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Dollman vs Demonic Toys

The sequel to not one, not two, but three shitty movies. Haven't seen them? No problem because over 20 minutes of the movie is just flashbacks to those movies. It's a Full Moon Pictures release so if you're expecting quality, sucks to be you.

Starring: Tracy Scoggins aka Cat Grant in Lois and Clark.

Warriors of the Wasteland

What happens when Mad Max hit it big? Make an Italian knock-off with strong gay undertones.

Starring: Fred Williamson, former Football All-star turned actor of terrible film and screen.

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Reminder to vote. Sometime later this week I'll let Mike know, "Hey, this is the one everyone chose for you. Enjoy!"

As a sidenote, I wanted to point out that I kinda lied about scraping the bottom of the barrel. Of these, really only The Item is trully bad bad. The others are goofy bad with Warriors of the Wasteland probably being my favorite of the bunch.

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To be fair, nuns are a less common attribute to these movies. Mostly it's the rollerskate post-apocalyptic genre. It's just that you get them in Roller Blade and the Rollerblade Seven Trilogy. Other films like Solarbabies and Prayer of the Rollerboys don't have the nuns but hey, to each their own.

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