Twilight


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Almost a year ago, I sat through The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part One. That movie had a profound effect on me. I've sat through and loved some truly shitty movies, but I had never seen anything quite like that film. I had never seen a movie that truly and honestly hated it's core audience so much. Women flock to the Twilight movies, and these movies fucking hate them for it. Even the actors hate it. After seeing the fourth movie in the series, I made a solemn vow: I would go back to the beginning. I would watch these films, and I would figure out exactly what the hell is happening. This is the first attempt. This is Twilight.

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It's just such a weird phenomenon in film. It's technically well made, it looks pretty, the universe is interesting, the actors are mostly solid, but it's still so, so bad. Put these people on a better project and I think I'd really like it.

The second and third films, especially, are extremely well-made bad movies. There's just no way you can stay true to the original story and make a good story out of it; all you can do is put a masterful glossy sheen over it.

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Not sure it's fair to say she can't act her way out of a paper bag. I think it's more likely that in an improv class she would be unable to pretend that a bag was there in the first place, and simply freeze in place like a rabbit riddled with myxomatosis.

This was awesome Preston, looking forward to the next one.

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The issue is that there are two options available to adapting an indescribably awful but inexplicably popular book: make a straight adaptation (which will not be good but will keep the ticket-buying fanbase happy) or rewrite the shit out of it to make it better but alienate that same fanbase. Hollywood is in the business of making money, not art. (Everyone prefers it when they can make both, but they will always pick the former over the latter.) Some kind of Scorsese/Bergman/Hitchcock/Directotron 5000 amalgam could not take Twilight as written and turn it into anything worthwhile; the best anyone could hope for would be a competently directed and acted version of America's favorite literary travesty.

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