The Omniverse Draft!


Dread

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Dan's picks are so pulpy my vitamin C intake has tripled just seeing the pictures!

Sorry Shining Knight, I think halfway through the third round is probably too late to jump in. I did leave it open to join until the end of the first round. Next time.

Stavros is up!

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The smell of urine stung Lila and Seven’s nostrils as they stepped out of the trans-dimensional portal. It was quite a shocking difference from the dewy wilds of Oregon. They stood outside of a non-descript steel door sprouting from a barren alley in the dying moments of the afternoon.

“LA. It has to be,” Seven said, taking in his surroundings.

“Could be a world where amphibians rose to dominance instead of mammals and LA would still be the same. Probably some sort of dimensional constant or something,” Lila replied. “Question is: what’s behind the door?”

“C’mon, babe! You been playing on the outer rim of the galaxy for so long that you can’t recognize a rented rehearsal space in LA?”

“Let’s do it!”

The thumping of a syncopated 4/4 beat rolled out the door the moment they opened it.

“Won’t be hard to find him.”

Lila and Seven lurked up the dark hallway, their eyes slowly adjusting to the change of lighting. They made their way up the hallway to a windowed room. Peering through, they saw a nerdy looking guy hammering his drum kit with joyful revelry.

This is the best drummer the multiverse has to offer?” Seven was unimpressed.

“More like he’s the one we were supposed to find.”

“Can’t we find a reality where my pal Keith Moon is still alive? Love to have another drink with him,” Seven asked.

“He’s the one,” she said flatly.

They watched for another few minutes as the glass-wearing hipster kept hammering the skins with brutal aplomb.

“Least he’s good. He’s no Charlie Watts, but he’ll do,” Seven said looking at Lila.

“Who’s out there?!”

The voice caught them off guard for a moment until Lila recovered and turned the light on in the viewing room.

“I’m Lila, and this is Seven,” Lila began, “and we want you to join our band.”

“I’m flattered, but I’ve already got a band.”

“Not like this one, you don’t,” Lila retorted. “What’s your name?”

“Gabe. Gabe Carlyle,” he answered, “I’m one of the Amazing Joy Buzzards.”

amazing-joy-buzzards-20060413032724896.jpg

“And,” Gabe continued, “on top of rocking the world’s faces off, we’ve fought hipster mummies, pink robots and giant monsters – though that was really our bass player, but I digress – so you’re not offering me anything I haven’t seen.”

“The very end of reality itself is on the way. Every universe imaginable will be under the thrall of masters too disgusting to talk about. Untold filth, death, rape. You name it. I’ve seen it coming. Why we’re meant to pick you, I don’t know...”

“GO EL CAMPEON GO!” Gabe shouted while holding something in his pocket.

Thunder boomed and, when the smoke cleared, a massive bare-chested fellow in a luchadore mask stood before them all.

campeon2ek.jpg

“This,” Gabe said, “is El Campeon, and he’s my homeboy.”

“Seven.”

“Yes, Lila.”

“Our drummer has an amulet that can summon a giant Mexican wrestling genie. I’m a little bit at a loss for words here.”

“Look at it this way: he’s our drummer and our security all rolled up into one. This is a good thing.”

“Let’s go save everything!” Gabe shouted as he stuffed his sticks in his back pocket. “The Buzzards’re on a touring hiatus anyway. Where to?”

“Somewhere a little less weird, I hope,” Lila muttered.

“Think there’s a reality where Superman plays the tambourine?” Seven asked only half joking.

“I wouldn’t be surprised...”

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Duckberg, Today

The Money Bin. It's always been one of the main tourist sights of Duckberg. Today, it was no different except these tourists were from way out of town.

"Okay Wrecking Crew, you heard the boss. We break into this Money Bin and we get to keep what's inside and all we have to do is give her some lousy dime!" The Wrecker yelled. He lifted his crowbar high into the air and smashed it against the exterior of the money bin. His crew followed suit. Magica DeSpell cackled from behind them.

The door of the money bin opened. Scrooge McDuck walked out, cane in hand, glaring at the Wrecking Crew.

Scrooge, in his Scottish brogue, yelled, "You there? What's the meaning of this?"

"It's just another duck. Ignore him!" Wrecker responded.

"Why use Beagle Boys when I can use The Wrecking Crew to steal Scrooge's Number 1 Dime!" Magica said, following it with an evil laugh that went on a minute too long.

Scrooge smiled, and said, "I know you're trying to steal all my money but once you break into me Bin, how do ye plan to get the money away?"

The Wrecker turned to Scrooge and said, "Well, we'll just... how are we going to do it?"

The Wrecking Crew started to discuss this until Scrooge interjected, "In Downtown Duckberg, Flintheart Glomgold, my biggest riv- err- friend has a prosperous shipping company. I'm sure you can borrow a truck from him."

"Of course! Thanks, pops. We'll be back in a bit," The Wrecker said, leaving. Magica looked on, her mouth gaping.

"Curse you Scrooge!" She screamed and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Well, that's more than enough time for Gizmoduck to round them up," Scrooge responded.

VROOP-VROOP-VROOP

The TARDIS materialized in the midst of the hill. The Doctor and Veronica walked out.

"What are we doing here, Doctor?" Veronica asked.

"This was the nearest universe that our anomaly came through," The Doctor responded the latest of Veronica's questions the looked downwards at Scrooge, "Forbisher? Why are you a duck now?"

"I don't know who you think I am lad, but I'm Scrooge McDuck, the richest duck in the world!" Scrooge said back.

"Have you seen any weirdos about, things that you're not used to?"

On cue, Gizmo Duck dropped the Wrecking Crew in front of the TARDIS.

"Have you seen these before, Veronica?" The Doctor asked.

"Not from my world Doctor," Veronica responded.

"Well, let's take them, we can drop them off someplace along the way. Thanks for your help, Scrooge," The Doctor said.

"Wait, I'm coming with you. If they came to my world, then who knows what other threats to my Bin and Family might show up," Scrooge said, walking into the TARDIS.

"But you're just a talking duck. What can you do?" Veronica said.

"I didn't get rich by being stupid for starters," Scrooge said.

BarksScrooge.jpg

Scrooge McDuck is the richest duck in the world. He's an adventurer who believes in earning a penny through hardwork instead of deception.

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"They must not be working, these drugs. Must get the filthy assistant to buy new ones. Sparkly ones. Ones that make me think angularly."

I would think you wouldn't resist, Spider. The opportunity to explore new vistas don't come along every day.

The thin man who could be thirty, could be a very well preserved ninety, pushed his glasses up onto his nose and shuffled across the cluttered confines of his bedroom. Dozens of screens showed dozens of different channels, their innane chatter all contributing to the weird white noise that was a counterpoint to their conversation. "I don't like adventure. I don't like places adventures take place in. I don't like people you have to talk to to have adventures."

So that includes me

.

"That fact does not make you a special snowflake."

But we need you

.

"And why are you deluded thusly?" The man was presently sorting through a chest of drawers, removing an impressive variety of pill bottles and shaking them to see if anything remained within.

Because every band of bastards needs its troubadour, the one man who will put pen to paper and tell their stories. The man who will spread their legend, make them into what they will be. I had hoped the bastards would have you, Spider. I had hoped the chance to see The Editors brought low--

The man rose. He turned slowly, one eyebrow raised above the mismatched lenses. "Editors?"

Yes. I'd wager you'd hate them more than anything.

He faced the place in the room where he thought the drugs had placed the figure. "I've got too much to do here."

What, sitting in your room? When you could be discovering one thing you love more than anything?

When he remained silent and motionless save for the absent way he scratched his belly, the hallucination in human form continued.

The Truth, Mr. Jerusalem. Come with me, and you get to reveal The Truth.

The man stood there for a moment. Slowly, his mouth twisted into a grin. It was not an improvement to his looks. if anything, it made him appear predatory..

"Let me get my jacket."

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Ha! Love it, Tom!

2011166-pugsley_large.png

Pugsley, Beasts of Burden

Chris, you have competition.

I am only marginally disappointed that Des's drummer isn't Animal from the Muppets.

To be honest, never even came to mind.

I thought of The Drummer from Planetary, but he wouldn't be able to do much against my villains. El Campeon was the thing that tipped that scale.

Speaking of Chris, you're up!

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