SuaveStar Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 Hey, just wanted some thoughts on whether anyone else found these characters funny. The first is General Great Guy, who's only superpower is the power of being great, and nothing else. Here's a sketch I wrote over a year ago for the character. I wrote this first script over a year ago, so the grammar and all round everything won't be to my usual mediocre standards. Scene: Int: A bar JOE Right whose round is it? JOE CLAPS HIS HANDS TOGETHER AND LOOKS AT THE OTHERS JOE Definitely not mine! STEVE Don’t look at me I got the last one! JOE Its John’s is not it. STEVE Yeah you cheap bastard you never get any in what is that all about? JOHN Well I can’t eh…well you see……I………. JOHN POINTS AT THE WALL JOHN What’s that! EVERYONE LOOKS AT THE WALL EXCEPT FOR JOHN WHO MAKES HIS ESCAPE. JOE The cheapskate! STEVE Yeah…..always disappearing when it’s his round! I wish GENERAL GREAT GUY was here! JOE Who? A SUDDEN WHOOSH SOUND IS MADE AND A SUPERHERO CALLED GENERAL GREAT GUY COMES INTO SHOT AND TAKES A SUPERHERO STANCE HOLDING A PLATE FULL OF PINTS. HE IS WEARING A TOP THAT READS GENERAL GREAT GUY. GENERAL GREAT GUY Calm down Guy’s this ones on me! JOE What the?.....who the….what the?......where the?.......the the?.....oh screw it! JOE GRABS ONE OF GENERAL GREAT GUYS PINTS AND DOWNS IT IN A ONE! JOE That’s better…..okay where was I?.......oh yeah who are you? STEVE It’s GENERAL GREAT GUY! But GENERAL GREAT GUY I thought you were away bringing piece to the Middle East? GENERAL GREAT GUY I was but once I heard you Guys needed a drink I was on my over in a heartbeat! STEVE What a Guy! GENERAL GREAT GUY Yes I am GENERAL GREAT GUY Great GUY takes a second to pose in the superhero Stance. Then he begins to speak again. GENERAL GREAT GUY Right now to go back I think an old woman needs a jar opened. JOE What a GUY so that’s GENERAL GREAT GUY great GUY! But who is he really? STEVE No one knows! I mean he keeps it a secret…..heck it could be one of us JOHN WALKS BACK IN ACTING COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO THE WHOLE GENERAL GREAT GUY INCIDENT JOHN Hey Guys! Oh, you got another round in cool! JOE Yeah you cheap bastard why are you always broke! I mean you live with your Mum you don’t pay rent and you never go out! JOHN Yeah well (sips pint) I have to save for a rainy day. STEVE Cheap fucker! Anyway, you missed GENERAL GREAT GUY Great GUY! JOHN Who? Oh, right him! I hate that GUY wasting his money on people he doesn’t even know! That money could go into slow but steady interest stocks! JOHN WINKS AT THE CAMERA STEVE Cheapskate! SCENE 16 Int: Restaurant A couple are having a date in a restaurant that turns foul! The couple to open are laughing and having fun. Man So then, the postman says if that’s your letterbox I don’t want to see your answering machine! THE MAN LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY BUT THE WOMAN JUST STARES AT HIM Man Don’t you get it they’re both…….oh forget it cheque please! A THE WAITER comes to the table with the BOB and stands and waits to get paid Man You know you could come back in a minute…………… THE WAITER No that’s alright I’ll wait! THE WAITER GIVES THE WOMAN A DIRTY LOOK, THE MAN THEN PULLS OUT A CREDIT CARD, WHICH THE WAITER GRABS. THE WAITER Thank you………………… THE WAITER TAKES TWO STEPS AWAY FROM THE COUPLE THEN TURNS AROUND. THE WAITER Sorry your cards been declined! Have you another? Man What? Impossible! Can you try it again? THE WAITER (Sighs)Very well THE WAITER PULLS OUT A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND CUTS THE CARD INTRO TINY PIECES. MAN Now this is uncalled for just what kind of WAITER are you!? THE WAITER Well sir I am……………. THE WAITER PUTS ON A FRENCH ACCENT AND PULLS OUT A MASK FORM HIS POCKET AND PUTS IT ON. THE WAITER The Evil super villain THE WAITER (snorts) now pay up now or be forced to work in my fortress of destruction…….. Man The kitchen? THE WAITER (A beat) Yes the kitchen. THE WAITER LAUGHS MANICALLY. Woman I’m Scared Walter! THE MAN TRIES TO COMFORT THE WOMAN SCENE 17 Int: Same restaurant JOHN (GENERAL GREAT GUY) IS ON A DATE JOHN Can I get a student discount? Waitress It says here you haven’t been a student for ten years! JOHN I know but…….. JOHN hears the shouts from the woman JOHN Oh god………… JOHN LOOKS AT HIS DATE JOHN I’ve got the runs! JOHN runs behind the curtain THE WAITER No one can stop me! Voice in distance (GENERAL GREAT GUY) Not so fast! GENERAL GREAT GUY BURSTS OUT FROM THE CURTAIN THE WAITER General Great Guy!! You can’t stop me this time they can’t pay their bill! Their card was declined! GENERAL GREAT GUY Oh yeah but I’ll pay the bill! Man What a guy! GENERAL GREAT GUY GREAT GUY CHECKS THE BILL AND PULLS OUT HIS WALLET AND PAYS THE BILL. THE WAITER THEN COUNTS IT. THE WAITER Hang on theirs 22% tip here! GENERAL GREAT GUY That’s right you may be an evil super villain but dam it your doing a dam hard job! THE WAITER What a GUY! GENERAL GREAT GUY That’s right and now I’m off! GENERAL GREAT GUY IS ABOUT TO LEAVE WHEN HE NOTICES SOMEONE DIDN’T TIP! GENERAL GREAT GUY That’s not right GENERAL GREAT GUY PUTS MONEY ON THE TABLE GENERAL GREAT GUY That’s better! GENERAL GREAT GUY GOES THROUGH A CURTAIN AND COMES OUT MOMENTS LATER AS JOHN AGAIN. JOHN Sorry but……………… JOHN GETS HANDED THE BILL AND LOOKS AT IT IN HORROR JOHN Oh…………… JOHN LOOKS AT HIS DATE JOHN Halfers? THE DATE LOOKS AT HIM IN DISGUST AND LEAVES Date Tightfucker! JOHN If only she knew………oh well…………. JOHN GOES INTO HIS POCKET AND PULLS OUT A SLUG AND PUTS IT ON HIS PLATE. JOHN WAITER there’s a slug in my food! The next concept is for a character called Murder Rape Man. This character is pretty self explanatory he usually shows up at the end of a scene or something when everything seems to have all worked out or nothing can get any worse and the characters turn to him and say: "Murder rape man. Are you going to murder and rape me?" To which he replies "No, the other way" Meaning he will rape and then murder them. If the person speaking gets him very angry he will say if pushed "That's it, fuck the raping!" Which means he would just kill them. So thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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