Shining knight

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  4. Episode 618

    in Earth-2.net: The Show

    Posted

    BETRAYAL!

    To add to the birthday boys description Imagine a batman film where the joker and harley quinn show up for five minutes do their sctick and then are unceremoniously gunned down. And commisioner gordon is utterly ooc and helping the main villian.

  16. Mark Millars Canon Fodder!

    in Members' Columns and Reviews

    Posted

    canon%2Bfodder.JPG

    More bullets vicar? Pick your poison folks if you can stomach the scottish accent watch the video version or you wanna play it safe read the text version

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx86pOUtCHo

    Mark Millar born in Coatbridge, Scotland…..

    His best known works include: The Authority, Wanted, and Civil War. But everyone had to start somewhere and he started in 2000ad (okay he did a few independent projects before that but this is a 2000ad based column and I focus on that thank you very much.)

    He like many writers started out on what are pretty much the tryouts for writing in 2000ad called thargs future shocks. In my opinion the best of his was "Nightmare On Ses*me Street " after this he created silo a short horror series which managed to rip off two different films and yet was still pretty good. He then relented robot hunter but that never really happened in my revised history of 2000ad so we shall skip that.

    In 1993, Millar, Grant Morrison and John Smith created a controversial eight-week run on 2000 AD called The Summer Offensive. It was during this run that Millar and Morrison wrote their first major story together, the highly controversial strip Big Dave. This story is wrong on so many levels and deserves a column on it alone.

    Now we skip to the end of 1993 as we look in on today’s subject. He is the only surviving member of the priest patrol. He is canon fodder!

    canon1.JPG

    Our story begins at the end of the story with a scary looking bloke in fetish gear soundly thrashing our hero. We do not know much of what has happened aside from the canons rather cryptic words

    canon+2.JPG

    After this flash-forward we go back to the beginning as Dr Watson (yes that one) is called in by the police to investigate a gay suicide pact the victims….

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    Yeah this story is gonna piss off a lot of fans of Conan Doyle’s fictional detective. Which leads into plot hole one. Holmes, Moriarty, Watson, lestrade and Mycroft are all fictional characters how the hell can they be around? This is not meant to be a League of extraordinary gentlemenesque story this is supposed to be set in the future…..

    Back to the story and we meet the good canon for the first time and he is just doing his thing…..

    canon+4.JPG

    The canon getting away from the scene is harassed by the paparazzo and just brushes them aside. He then gets a call from Watson

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    Part 2 begins with an explanation of what happened. In the glorious far off space year of 2004. Judgement day happened, all the worlds dead risen hoping to be taken to their final reward but it was not to be for god never showed up. Pissed off at this Holmes and Moriarty committed suicide to go to heaven and kill god. This is of course plot hole 2 as no one can truly die in this story and they would certainly not go to heaven if they tanned in their wrists.

    Watson is invited back to priest patrol hq and meets the canon and his housekeeper Sadie. It is revealed in a caption that there were once four priests who shocked and horrified at the dead sticking around after the rapture decided to form their own task force. The canon is the only one left the others disappearing after a battle with the anabolic atheists. We find out the whole story of this battle in the sequel.

    Another thing explored a bit more in the sequel is the unspoken love between the canon and his housekeeper. Enjoy it folks this is all the character development the good canon gets in this entire story!

    canon+6.JPG

    The canon decides to go recruit someone who claims to be Mycroft. Err anyone who has read a book can tell you that Mycroft is not a skinny Hannibal lector wannabe!

    canon+7.JPG

    Part 3 begins with more pipes being laid by Watson who appears to be in purgatory now writing down the events of this story. He explains a bit more about the state of the world after judgement day and how it pissed off Holmes and Moriarty….

    The scene changes to Holmes shooting an angel just for laughs and the two explaining their plan. Holmes is badly written in this entire story you got to wonder what he and the other Conan Doyle characters are doing in this story. This isn’t supposed to be some kind of League of extraordinary gentlemen type story. Which makes the appearance of the Conan Doyle characters even more odder….

    Meanwhile the canon busts into some kind of weird festistic club. Inside the cellar is a place where Mycroft did research into opening a gate to hell. They walk through the door and end up in hell which is strangely empty….

    Part four reveals the reason for that…..

    Holmes and Moriarty reach heaven only to find the pearly gates have been broken into and the place itself in a right state of decay. Angels are being tortured by inhuman creatures and it is quite clear that the men who came to kill god are a little bit late to the party.

    And who killed god?

    canon+8.JPG

    Yep its that scary looking bloke in fetish gear from the beginning of the story and he reveals himself as Lucifer himself. And what did he do to the lord?

    canon+9.JPG

    Phallic imagery overload!

    Meanwhile in the abandoned hell the canon finds Judas Iscariot and gets the low-down on what happened.

    canon+10.JPG

    After this bombshell the canon and his two cannon fodder friends make it to heaven and witness what Lucifer and his chums have done to Holmes and Mycroft

    canon+11.JPG

    They are then attacked Watson is dragged under by demons, Mycroft is eaten alive by rats and the canon himself loses an arm to the demons.

    canon+11.1.JPG

    The next part is one long fight as we go back to the beginning of the story and witness the canon getting his arse kicked by Lucifer.

    canon+12.JPG

    Just as Lucifer was ready to pluck the canons eyes out a blast of light fries all of Lucifer’s demon army and suddenly Deity ex machina happens as god is revealed to be harder to kill than chuck Norris….

    canon+13.JPG

    God is rightly pissed off at the cheek of what Lucifer did and he kills the first of the fallen once and for all.

    canon+13.1.JPG

    He turns his anger on the canon and threatens to wipe out humanity as a failed experiment but some quick thinking on the part of the canon saves the day!

    canon+14.JPG

    The epilogue reveals that Watson was brought back alongside some of the greatest minds both alive and dead to work on the riddle asked by the canon. Watson’s job was to catalogue every single soul who has walked on the earth and what we read was one of his journals.

    As for the canon…..

    canon+15.JPG

    Next time: KLIP KLOP KLIP KLOP KLIP KLOP....On the runup to christmas lets KILL SOME TIME...

  17. Shot Glass of Rocket Fuel: 2000 AD Progs 1800 - 1807

    in Mainpage Feedback

    Posted

    It is always nice to see more 2000ad related stuff here...

    A little thing I loved about 1807 was the rather surprising way Dredd, Simping detective and Low life suddenly turned into one long 18 page story.

    judge dredds investigation into the murder of a wally squad judge spirals into simping when we find out not only did Jack point kill the judge but he may have had his mind altered by someone within the judge system. Meanwhil on luna 1 professional alan moore impersonator and wally squad member dirty frank has had his mind altered by the same mystery person who did the same to point.

    A genuinly cool moment in a comic series which continues to surprise even after 30 odd years