George W.

The mere mention of Carla Gugino's name gets me...interested...let alone what she looked like there Oh, God. All I could think when I saw her outfit was, "Just a couple of inches, in any direction, would give this movie an automatic 5 stars from me."

Okay, Mike. I'll try to relay what I've learned from Dr. Drew from a couple of years of listening to Loveline. I'm drunk right now, so, you know, more fun for me. 1) Blackouts tend to happen only to those with the addictive gene. It's one of those little warning signs that your body has that says, "Hey, not a good idea." 2) As far as getting in fights and all that, if the person isn't normally predisposed to that, it's a personality change. It's aother warning sign that, hey, you might have the addiction gene. (For the record, and again according to Dr. Drew, an Addiction Medicine Specialist, if you have a parent(s) that was an addict, you have a 50/50 shot of inheriting the gene) 3) From personal experience, sometimes it's better to get drunk or high than to keep sober and act on an issue that might be causing rage of frustration. For example, I just found out that my step dad's cheating on my mother. I know in my drunken state there is no way I can rive over and beat the living shit out of him and possibly kill him. So I stay put and let the rage I was feeling dissipate for a couple of days and I won't put my fist through the back of his skull. Edit: Oh, and Green Arrow's Quiver.

AVGN Ghostbusters Part 1 AVGN Ghostbusters Part 2 AVGN Ghostbusters Part 3 And having played most of them, I'll be more shocked if they make a good Ghostbusters game.

There are 128 people in the U.S. named George Hatch. Not really that shocked. I googled myself about a year ago, including my middle name, and I found a doctor of the same name in the same city.

There obviously refering to the camp featured in the Adam West Batman Movie, on the WFP Archive page, one of the descriptions mention camp- 004: Who'd have thought the once-campy Adam West could turn in such a touching performance ("Beware the Gray Ghost"), or that Heather Locklear had a small part in the lackluster "Prophecy of Doom"? "Feat of Clay" begs a serious question, and continues to portray Batman's villains as sympathetic characters. If there's one person in the world you wouldn't want to owe a favor to, it's The Joker ("Joker's Favor"). And in "Vendetta" Batman admits he was wrong about Harvey Bullock! .: 1:31:33 :: 41.9 MB :: 01 June 2007 :. Why would "campeones" elicit the word "once-campy" in a search result? I knew it was only a matter of time before this one came up. It would have picked up the "Camp" Or, you know, the word super. As in Superman, superheroes, super heroines, and all the super movies reviewed in James' Tranquil Tirades series.

Another reason not to fuck with that small arms shit. The movies might be wrong. Just destroy the planet.

I...agree with Malpractice? I agree... with Malpractice.

It's a space station the size of a moon. Who needs a planet? Sure, It'd be nice to keep the Earth alive(you know, for sentimental reasons). But if the zombies make it out into space, the universe is fucked.

The Death Star. Fuck that small arms shit. "Get Born Again" by Alice in Chains Jennifer Connelly. We'd have to repopulate the species.

Oh...my...god. Was Adham torturing a cat?

A sober one.

He referenced both. I got confused.

Your immunity is too tempting to pass up. I will be watching you, waiting for a flame....just waiting. James goes on vacation soon you know. heh. Um, may the house of your dreams come at a low price? Dread Media rules all? Please don't relegate me to the Morphorums. Those people are seriously messed up.

Batman breaks the Mutant leader's leg, not his spine. Really? I always thought it was his spine. I guess I have to go reread TDKR again. Still pretty brutal though. Actually, you're both right. He does break the Mutant Leader's leg, but he also cripples a punk in a stairwell. "There are seven working defenses from this position. Three of them disarm with minimal contact. Three of them kill. The other-- [KRAKK] --hurts."

James is now my favorite super mod. Fuck all the rest of y'all.

I'm so getting banned for this, but this has already been posted here.

From IMDB

Big thanks for all the comments thus far. I went ahead and edited in a second draft (which should contain less grammatical errors and alcohol-induced rage), but if you find anymore feel free to tell me. I've removed some of the negative things I said because they either weren't warranted, weren't that funny to me sober, or were flat out wrong. But I'll go ahead and address some of the concerns that were posted: Thank you. As I wrote above, I fixed some of the grammatical mistakes and hopefully it'll read better. High praise, indeed. Thank you, Master. Yoda's response to this concern was spot on. But you just gave me an idea for a title of anymore of these I might do: "Scrawled on the Basement Walls". Thanks, Jack. While I addressed part of this in the second draft and took out the bitching about shadows and night, I'll address the unreliable narrator angle here. It's a cool concept, and can work when done right, but here I just didn't feel the writers and animators pulled it off. The kids version of what happens differed so wildly that the story didn't really hold any cohesiveness. And where is the explanation for these story's being out of order, by the way? I really would like to see it, because "Have I got a Story for You" clearly leads into "Crossfire"; I couldn't really explain where "Crossfire" and "Field Test" lie in relation to each other; "Field Test" and "Working Through Pain" have a direct link to "Deadshot"; which leaves "In Darkness Dwells" being the odd man out (although it might explain why Batman is in the sewers in "Working Through Pain"). A couple of very good points that I didn't even notice. Good catch. It's Batman: Red Rain. And I liked that story. I'm kicking myself for missing the Man-Bat connection, it was so obvious. And just to clarify, it is the same villain from the first kid's story. Each story ends where the previous one would pick up, a nice little nod to Christopher Nolan's "Memento". I did like that line, too, especially with Kevin Conroy's flawless delivery. It was just far to confusing to me because of the events of "Crossfire". Which is a problem. Lucius stated flat out that he didn't want to know about Bruce's double life in "Batman Begins", so why would Wayne just flat out involve a guy who's been one of the most helpful to him and his family in a potentially illegal operation? Not to mention being set on fire, which definitely affected him. I got a completely different vibe from the ending. What I saw was Bruce falling into the abyss farther and farther and never reaching out to his friends for help. Each segment was produced by different animation teams, all with their own character models. But I agree that Bruce was all but unrecognizable from segment to segment, especially with "Field Test". Bill Finger never gets love. This. At the end of the day, you have two opposing viewpoints on the same material. We can only tell you what we thought of it and it's up to you to decide whether to watch this or not. Blasphemy. I'm not gonna hop you for the grammar and editing, because clearly I have no place to talk. I enjoyed your review, and even if I don't agree with the conclusions, I'm glad you enjoyed the movie. That means it did something right and was not a Uwe Boll movie.

When I think about Christopher Nolan’s “Batman Begins”, a movie that sought to put a realistic spin on a franchise that had become known for bat-nipples and cheesy one-liners, the first thought that leaps into my mind is anime. It’s a natural fit, right? It just goes together like peanut butter and petroleum jelly. Well, the execs at Warner Bros. thought so, and attempted to pull another "Animatrix" out of their hats. Problem is, "Animatrix" was a lot better than the "Matrix Reloaded". Is this the case with Gotham Knight, the series of anime segments linking Batman Begins to the Dark Knight? Let us find out. The first segment is called "Have I Got a Story for You". And boy was it terrible. First of all, it's a complete rip-off of "Legends of the Dark Knight" from Gotham Knights. Only with the cool factor replaced with a suck factor. It starts in an indoor skate park, with some kid doing a little late-night skateboarding. Hey, what’s a little B&E in Gotham City? Anyway, it turns out he's been waiting for his gang of friends, who are late because they each had a run in with (DUN DUN DUH!) the Batman. The first kid who tells his story talks about skateboarding near the wharf, when some monster (a guy in a black outfit and red-eyed goggles with sharp pointy teeth) crawls out of the water. The “monster” grabs the kid's skateboard and goes to beat him over the head with it when suddenly Batman flies out of the shadows and tackles the thug. Except Batman is not a guy in a bat suit. He's not even a man. He's some weird shadow demon that darts in and out of nowhere. Fine. Anime logic. I’ll cut the story some leeway. So, the Shadow Thief… I mean, Batman gets a punch in and slithers away. The thug pulls something out of his belt before Bats materializes behind him and cuts off said belt. The thug, however, pulled out a flash grenade and uses it to escape. This leaves the kid and Bat-Moron just standing there. Now is a good time to mention the expression the animators chose for Kogo Shuko… I mean, Batman. It’s like he’s thinking, “I pooped my pants again. It’s warm and creamy.” Then he roars, becomes liquid shit, and oozes off. At this point, I’d like to apologize for all the scatological references, but good lord did this story lend itself to a few. So the next tale involves the chick of the group. She is skateboarding along, causing pedestrian accidents in her wake, and runs into a couple of cops. They forget about her when a thug with a rocket pack (the same guy from the previous story) lands in the street for no reason what so ever. I’m not kidding. All he does is run around like he ate some ‘shrooms, then grabs a woman and uses her as a hostage. And then Batman flies in, this time as a winged demon. He saves the woman, knocks the thug to the ground, and throws his jetpack into the upper levels of an office building, where it explodes. I’m sure no one was hurt by the shrapnel or debris that rained down. Anyway, Batman lands and decapitates the guy with his claws (I wish I were getting off that easily). To give the story some credit, they at least have the common sense for one of the kids to point out that Batman doesn’t kill. And the girl admits she’s making it more colorful. So what really happened? Well, he did throw the jetpack, it did explode, and innocent people were surely hurt by the falling rubble. But the thug runs away until Batman flies in and tackles him. They tussle for awhile (with the girl being the only one that follows) until Batman knocks the thug into the river and flies off to catch him. The third tale comes from the littlest kid. He’s on some skyscraper during the day, just bumming it like Vanilla Ice, when the thug first appears and starts robbing the patrons. Then a helicopter comes over the horizon and drops Robo-Batman onto the roof. I drop to the floor in a combination of giggling fits and tears. It looks too goofy to do justice in words. The thug fires his lasers, which had just melted a hole in the door, at Batman. The lasers bounce off. Apparently, Batman is made of Adamantium. Who knew? The thug threatens to shoot the kid telling the tale. Batman’s hand transforms into a laser and he shoots the thug’s weapons. They charge each other and start a quick fight before Bats punches the thug off the roof. He then leaps from building to building, chasing the thug now revealed to be wearing a rocket pack. Oh, now I get it. These stories are in reverse order in homage to Nolan’s “Memento”. Isn’t that precious? Mercifully, that’s the final tale these lying little shits tell. But the segment isn’t over yet. Oh no. Another thug (again, it might be the same one, it might be a different one, I can’t tell) flies through the window of the indoor skate park. And then who steps in? It’s (DUN DUN DUH!) the Batman! At night, even! In all his “Batman: The Animated Series” glory. Wait… what? This is supposed to be a Batman with full body armor, not a spandex suit. And he’s bleeding from his ribs and leg… from a couple of knife slashes?! Did the animators not see “Batman Begins”? The thug throws a smoke bomb so Batman can’t find him. This is a good point to mention the character models, because Batman stands out so much more. Take a normal sized human head, attach it to one of the trunks used in “Joe vs. the Volcano”, add stubby legs and lanky arms, and you have the character models for every single adult character in this segment. The kids look properly proportioned, by the way. Look, I know it’s the kids story, but that’s no reason to half-ass it on the other character models. So Batman, master ninja that he is, can’t find this thug he’s chasing in the smoke cloud. I need a drink. Said thug finally appears, behind Batman and sneaks up to stab him. At this point, I’m refusing to believe this is Batman. And then the one kid who didn’t have a story to tell sneaks up behind the thug and whacks him over the head with a skateboard. Imposter-Batman, startled that TWO people managed to sneak up on him, looks over the kid’s handiwork and says, “Looks like I owe you one.” GEE, YA THINK?! I’m sorry, but this segment just pissed me off to no end. The character models are horrific and the story is so bad that it made me yearn for the Super Mario Brothers movie, not to mention the sheer number of bad anime clichés. The only positive things about this piece are the animation, which is very good, and the voice acting, which wasn’t too terrible. 2 out of 10. Finally, FINALLY, we can move on to the second segment. Entitled “Crossfire”, this piece centers around Detectives Crispus Allen and Anna Ramirez, two cops on Lt. James Gordon’s Major Case Squad and presumably the only good cops in Gotham because they were handpicked by Gordon. Well, it’s pretty apparent that Crispus doesn’t like Batman, who shows up in Gordon’s office as Allen stares at the silhouette in the door. Bats leaves and Gordon orders Allen and Ramirez to transport some guy to the Narrows (the place the Scarecrow and Ra’s Al Ghul gassed in “Begins”). This is the thug from the first story (which was hard to tell in my first viewing, because each segment used its own character models), and is the first suggestion that these stories are interconnected. Anyway, Crispus and Gordon have a very brief conversation about Allen not trusting a vigilante and wanting to bust up the mob war that’s engulfed Gotham, while Gordon says he needs to trust Batman. Allen and Ramirez drive to the Narrows and a conversation ensues about if the Batman is doing any good. Ramirez says he is, as she’s lived in the city all her life is finally not ashamed to say she’s a cop. Allen isn't sure, because Gordon is letting Batman, a vigilante, do the cop’s jobs. This seems very familiar. Actually, I have to agree with Crispus. The way the police are depicted throughout this movie, they are a seemingly ineffectual organization that might be able to pick their noses or write parking tickets, but that’s about it. Anyway, Bullock and Montoya… I’m sorry, I meant Allen and Ramirez… they arrive at the Narrows, where we find that the entire island is now an asylum. Ignoring the logistics of this, the doctors come out of the lone building left here and take the prisoner, who it now seems is insane due to the Scarecrow’s toxin. Funny, didn’t seem to be raving when he was robbing the folks. They drive back, and continue their conversation. Allen reveals he might be leaving Gordon’s team and Ramirez tries to talk him out of it. She drives off onto a dirt road… for some reason… and they get trapped by the arriving Russians, led by the Russian (original, huh?) and Mafia, led by Sal Maroni. Both goon squads open fire, hitting the cop’s car more than each other, until only Maroni is the last one standing on the Italians’ side. He hides behind the now bullet-ridden cop car and the Russians fire a rocket launcher at them. Ramirez just makes it out, while Crispus pushes Maroni out of the way and then goes flying. From the explosion, you ask? No, from Batman and his just-in-the-nick-of-time grappling line. He flies in the air in an arc (just ignore the physics, it’ll only make your head hurt) that plants him on multi-story building next to Bats. Batman runs into the fray, destroying Russians quickly and easily. I should also point out that he is wearing armor. Not spandex, but armor. And what, you might be asking yourself, does Allen, the grizzled tough guy who wants to be let off his leash and get some bad guys, do? He stands on top of a building and gawks as Batman does his job for him. Which leads to an interesting question: If you are a police officer, trapped with your partner inside a car with two groups of murderous gangs on either side of you wielding automatic weaponry, wouldn’t you… oh, I don’t know, FIRE BACK?! Anyway, Maroni grabs a gun and then Anna Ramirez, highly trained officer of the law and damsel in distress, and threatens to blow her away. Crispus snaps out of his stupor and jumps a few stories to the ground (magically not breaking anything), and orders Maroni to freeze. Meanwhile, Batman stands in a fire. Really. No joke. He stands dead center in the burning wreckage of the cop car. And doesn’t fucking move. *sigh* Okay, so gasoline isn’t the hottest burner on the planet. That I’ll grant Greg Rucka (the guy who wrote this screenplay and yet another writer who isn’t nearly as good as Wizard Magazine would have you believe) that. But it’s still fire! There is still smoke! And he’s on fire, too! So how is the heat and smoke not affecting this guy?! Did he wear his extra cool bat-deodorant, stored directly next to the Bat-shark repellent? Can I have some? Moving on, Batman moves at Flash-speed and disarms Maroni before he can pull the trigger. My head hurts too much to care how a guy can cross 20 feet in less than a second at this point. Batman identifies Allen and Ramirez as Gordon’s people, says Jim Gordon is a good judge of character (coughBULLSHITcough), and then flies off. And that’s the end of this segment. As a whole, it was much more enjoyable than the first segment and the first half was pretty entertaining, if just a little unoriginal. But when the firefight started, the story just lost all its wheels and drifted into the gutter of anime logic. The character models were a noticeable improvement over "Have I Got a Story for You", the animation was very crisp, and the voice actors did a very good job. 4 out of 10. The next segment is called "Field Test". This one has Bruce, who looks like he is in his late teens, visiting Lucius Fox in Wayne Enterprises. He goes hoping to grab the invite to a celebrity golf tournament (and the photos his satellite took of a couple yachts), but gets a bonus when Lucas tells him why the satellite (presumably the same one mentioned in the previous segment) dropped out of the sky. Apparently, an electro-magnetic pulse disabled it. Fair enough. But then Lucas shows Bruce a watch-sized device that can deflect bullets with an electro-magnet. Didn’t the Mythbusters already bust this one? So Bruce goes to the Golf event and we get some HOT GOLFING ACTION! And I get another glass of vodka. It’s going to be a long night. Anyway, Bruce suspects that the sponsor, Ronald Marshall, may have had the person protesting his building a golf course in central Gotham killed. He uses his new electro-thingamabob to pull the golf club out of Marshall’s hands and steals his PDA when no one is looking. Then he goes and finds the Italian’s yacht, one of whom is Sal Maroni. The guy who one segment previous was holding a member of the GCPD hostage and who gunned down numerous Russian thugs. And he's out on the streets? Jack Fetch pointed out on the Earth-2 forums that these stories are supposed to be out of order, that “Crossfire” was supposed to happen after “Field Test”. And that may be so, but the mention of launching a new Wayne Tech satellite at the beginning of “Crossfire” and a wrecked satellite being the catalyst for the story in this one draws me to the conclusion that these stories are in order. So that leads me back to my question: How in the blue hell is Sal Maroni out of police custody? But I’ll move on. Sal wants his boys to find and kill the Russian, but apparently they can’t find him. I think that this is the same Russian who was firing the rocket launcher in “Crossfire”. He’s out too? How badly do you need to screw up to stay in jail? Anyway, the boat there on begins to move, via remote control, and they just happen to collide with another yacht. Who’s yacht? Russian’s yacht! (Say what?) Before another massive gunfight takes place, Batman (whose cowl design looks more owl than bat and has an early Nightwing-style collar) leaps onboard the Italian’s yacht and uses his new gadget to deflect the incoming bullets. He then takes out everyone in sight until he’s left with the Russian and Sal Maroni, whom he begins choking. He tells them to stay in their own turf until he has something on them and can put them away. Okay, now I’m convinced that these take place out of order, because the both of them already murdered people in the previous episode. But that makes these two the only segments that air out of order, which makes no sense, so they must have aired in order, which means that even Batman forgot what they did in the previous segment, so he should already have them dead to rights, but that doesn’t make sense, so they must air out of or*BOOM* Sorry, brain exploded. It happens mostly with time paradoxes, continuity gaffes, and Wolverine’s origin. Moving on, another hood busts out of the cabin and fires at Bats, but the bullet is deflected into one of the Russians people. As the Russian says, “You break him, you bought him.” Batman races the kid to the hospital, but same kid pulls a gun and tries to kill the cops there. Bats disarms him and they take him inside. Bruce visits Fox at Wayne Tech and hands him back the device, telling him he’ll put his life on the line but won’t risk anyone else. And so ends the episode. This one is another mixed bag. The highlights include the animation, the voice work, and most of the character models. As I mentioned earlier, Bruce looks incredibly young and they took a risk on the bat suit design that doesn’t seem to be too popular, but it’s not too distracting to me. The sci-fi concept was neat, too, but the story itself didn’t really gel. The continuity flaws (including the head mobsters, and the Bruce all but saying, “I’m Batman” to Lucius) really hurt this one and forces me to give this an average score of 4 out of 10. Segment Four is called, “In Darkness Dwells” and introduces Killer Croc to the Nolanverse. It starts with the Bat Signal in the sky and a couple of gargoyles overlooking the city, one of whom happens to be Batman. He drops from the building and glides straight into a transition to Gordon, Allen, and Ramirez outside a church discussing the events that just happened. A Cardinal is in the middle of a sermon when the entire congregation goes insane. Then the Cardinal is kidnapped by an 8-foot tall lizard man, who carries him down into the crypts. Allen mentions that this is the 6th high-profile abduction this week and they head downstairs, following the lizard man’s path. Ramirez nearly falls down a hole in the floor, and Gordon asks the two detectives to leave. He talks to Batman, who has apparently been hanging from the pipes for a little bit. You know, just because. Anyway, Batman says he’ll investigate and gives Gordon a radio to contact him. He then mentions that the radio won’t be able to track him, just in case Gordon has any ideas. I have to question what Gordon has done to make Bats so paranoid. It makes no sense. What makes less sense is the explanation for Croc. Batman runs into a group of homeless people in an abandoned subway platform and asks about a monster. The spokesperson for the group talks about a baby whose mother flushed him down the sewers and he was turned into a mutant by the toxic waste. Now I’ll be the first to admit that if a movie called “Batman vs. CHUD” came out, I’d snag it without a second thought. But sticking to the universe Nolan created, it doesn’t really work. Anyway, Batman winds up in a series of pneumatic systems used to move the dead and buried. If you’ve ever seen “Poltergeist”, you know how bad an idea that is. Bruce smells methane in the pipes and switches on his conveniently built-in filtration mask, making him look like a Doom-bot. Gordon relays Croc’s origin, and Scarecrow apparently used him as a test-subject for fear aversion. What fear? Why, bats of course. He also has a skin condition that gives him his scales and strength and files down his teeth into points. That part is important a little later on. So, no CHUDs. I have to say I was a little disappointed. After a little suspense in the waist-high sewage, two coffins drop into the water. The first one contains a skeleton, and Croc busts out of the second one. Croc throws Batman against the wall, and in a scene that will make Mike happy, bites him in the shoulder. Well, Croc is pumped full of fear toxin and Batman starts hallucinating. He still puts him down by shoving a grenade down his throat, but he’s definitely not at his best now. Batman follows a pipe to find the Scarecrow holding court in a large tunnel and sentencing the Cardinal to death for trying to halt fear. Batman intervenes and kicks the crap out of the toxin-afflicted homeless followers the Scarecrow has gathered. He pulls the Cardinal to the top of a rock pillar and lights the methane-filled air on fire, which starts bringing pipes down. I guess Bruce has been working on his applied geometry. They fall into the now rushing water and get out of the sewers. Gordon and his team, on board a helicopter, pull the Cardinal inside and Batman runs away and the segment ends. Overall, this was much more fun than the previous segments. The character models didn’t really match with the story that was being told, but it is a minor quibble. My biggest complaint was the depiction of Batman knowing exactly what to do in any situation. This is supposed to be a very early on Bat, the kind who might make a mistake now and again. Igniting the methane and starting an explosion to bring down a bunch of pipes that very well could have killed Scarecrow and his minions is very close to being out of character and was distracting for me. Not to mention the grenade in Croc’s mouth. But the animation and voice work were good again, with a solid story and good action. 6 out of 10. Part 5 of this movie is called, “Working Through Pain” and is really a flashback story that shows part of Bruce’s training through the years to become what he is now. In this one, Bats is in the sewers and in a bad way. He is chasing some punk, full of fear toxin, and gets shot in the abdomen. Of course, the bullet did not go through armor, but through spandex. *sigh* Look, I let it slide when Croc bit him through the cape. I could rationalize it by saying that Croc found a weak point, or that the armor wasn’t effective against impaling attacks. But when you start contradicting the universe you’re working in just to get to a story hook, then someone failed massively in holding the continuity together. Even if you’re saying, “Maybe it was an armor-piercing round,” that argument falls apart when Bruce rips open his costume. Someone was asleep at the wheel and these are exactly the kind of things that bug the ever-living shit out of me. Pressing forward, Batman pulls out one of those discs the Predator’s used to sterilize a wound and starts to patch himself up. We cut to a hospital in an African warzone, years earlier, where Bruce is working as a volunteer medic. This kind of makes sense and shows an aspect of his travels we really haven’t seen that much. It cuts back to the present with Batman trying to get out of the sewers and failing miserably. After falling several stories, landing hard on a bunch of metal pipes and sliding through a brick wall, Batman really should be dead or crippled. But hey, anime logic. The scene shifts to a South Asian country, back in the past, and Bruce watching a fight between a mongoose and a cobra. We learn he is trying to join a group of holy men who teach enlightenment and truth. They also teach immunity to pain, which is what Bruce is after. But because he didn’t say so during their meeting, they refuse to teach him. But his contact sets up a meeting with a woman named Cassandra, who might be able to teach him. Again, he lies about his true purpose, but she agrees to teach him anyway. Another cut and we’re back in the sewers. Batman contacts Alfred, who is voiced here by David McCallum (best known in the states as Dr. Donald ‘Ducky’ Mallard from NCIS) and not Efrem Zimbalist Jr. I had to check IMDB to make sure, because their voices are eerily similar. Batman tells Alfred to pick him up in the Batmobile. We get a series of jumps from the past to the present and Bruce learning how to work through pain (thus, the title) and trying to get out of the sewers. We also get Cassandra’s back story and how she was trained by the people who rejected Bruce. She masqueraded as a boy, though she is sure they knew the truth. When they were tired of her, they cast her out and declared her a witch. In present time, Batman stumbles into a sewer with a grate and sits down. His hand finds a gun, and we go back to the past. A bunch of teens try hassling Cassandra during the night and Bruce wipes the floor with them. She sends Bruce away, knowing she failed to heal his pain. In the present, Batman has found a bunch of guns and is collecting them like Pokémon while Alfred (with a mustache?) arrives with a very Burtonesque Batmobile. Alfred reaches down to help Bruce out of the sewer, but Batman continues holding the guns. I guess there aren’t any capes (like the one around his neck) to hold them in. This one is an interesting concept, and for the most part executed well, but little plot holes just derail the story. I liked the character models in this very “Cowboy Bebop”. The animation was quite smooth and the voice work was good. 5 out of 10. And finally, we have “Deadshot”. We start off with a quick montage of the mugging that orphaned Bruce, and then… HOLY SHIT! Look at the size of that chin! That thing makes Jay Leno’s jaw look normal! Bruce Campbell, eat your chin out! That thing could level Tokyo, seriously! *Ahem* Sorry. Anyway, Bruce is keeping the guns he found in the sewers in stately Wayne Manor. Alfred has been trying to persuade Bruce to get rid of them, but Bruce won’t. He talks longingly about the power of a gun and how it can make someone feel like God. What? This is still a Batman movie, right? During his monologue, we’re shown a scene where Deadshot kills someone important with a highly contrived single shot through a Ferris Wheel and a champagne glass. Later on, Deadshot is meeting with a client who apparently wants him to kill Gordon for the Russians. Word leaks out and Allen meets with Batman to ask for help. I guess they resolved the trust issue. Batman hands Allen Ronald Marshall’s PDA, which has information tying Marshall and Deadshot to the murdered protester mentioned in “Field Test”. Gordon is under extreme police protection, but takes his helmet off in the car to see better (despite Allen’s protests that the car is not bulletproof). Batman follows the convoy while Alfred keeps satellite surveillance on both. He informs Batman that Gordon will pass under a train bridge that would meet Deadshot’s standards of difficulty. Actually, Deadshot is on another train heading the opposite direction (that no one sees until the exact right moment to add the most dramatic effect) and takes a shot at Gordon. Batman deflects it with his hand, and Deadshot reveals he was after Batman all along. They fight, Batman gets shot, he Hulk’s up and takes out the villain. The final scene is Bruce being patched up by Alfred, and questioning whether he should continue as the Batman. Then he sees the Bat Signal and the credits roll. I really liked this one at first, but after the second viewing, it isn’t as much fun. It’s still the best of the lot, and the animation is top-notch. I know I keep praising that and the voice-acting, but those were really the most consistently positive things in this film. The story was good for its limitations, and there were no real plot holes (besides Bruce admiring guns) that took me out of the segment. This one gets a 7 out of 10. So my final score is: "Have I Got a Story for You" – 2 “Crossfire” – 4 "Field Test" – 4 “In Darkness Dwells” – 6 “Working Through Pain” – 5 “Deadshot” – 7 Divide by six, drop the fraction, and we get an overall score of 4. And that feels right, as it is a little below average but not horrifically bad. You might be able to derive some entertainment from this film as long as you don’t go in with huge expectations (like I did upon first viewing) and turn your brain off. But considering the caliber of film that "Batman Begins" was and the fantastic early reviews of "The Dark Knight", this is going to disappoint a lot of viewers and just doesn't feel connected to the universe Nolan is creating.

Awesome work, James. Hellsing is about the only anime series I can stomach and Alice in Chains is my favorite band of all time. Just one suggestion for the next part: Bleed the Freak.

It's not like they're doing anything else.

Not really news, but funny for all the right reasons.

At least a Pinto would've exploded.

Fuck it in the ass.