Molly

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  2. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

    in Comic Book Adaptations

    Posted · Edited by Preston

    A Spoileriffic List of Questions I'm Left With:

     

    -Why did Thomas Wayne take a swing at Joe Chill? I get it from a 'protecting his family' standpoint, but from a narrative standpoint, it really hurts the whole idea of cold blooded murder. Joe Chill now may have panicked in self defense, rather than just been a cold blooded criminal. Lord knows, that if the 6'2', huge Jeffery Dean Morgan took a swing at me, I'd panic.

    -The gun cocking broke Martha's necklace? Really?

    -I'm glad the total destruction of Metropolis is getting it's due and all, but how is Bruce blaming this on Superman? Before Zod showed up, all Superman had done was save lives, something Lois Lane figured out in MoS, and something that the world's greatest detective should have easily seen.

    -Is that supposed to be Jimmy Olsen? If so, why in the fuck did we kill him after a shitty cameo? And why did he hide a tracker in his camera, like it's 1951?

    -Does Lex use this same tattooed, easily identified Russian guy for every job?

    -These villages were shot and blown up. Why is Superman to blame, again? He doesn't use guns.

    -Who the fuck thought that "Niaromi, Africa" was a subtle substitute?

    -What the fuck is wrong with Lex Luthor?

    -Seriously?

    -Off all the options he had, why did Jesse Eisenberg go with 'shittier Heath Ledger Joker?' Why was Mark Zuckerberg not good enough?

    -Why has no one bothered to clean up the huge crashed space ship in the Indian Ocean? Seems like Greenpeace might take issue.\

    -Why did Zod have Kryptonite?

    -I get it's been eighteen months, but why can't we see any of Clark courting Lois?

    -How is The Planet still open, if it can't sell papers about Batman fucking branding people?

    -If he has X-Ray vision, why does Clark follow Bruce downstairs at Lex's party?

    -I get the "freaks dressed like a clown" line was cute in the trailers, but doesn't Bruce realize that he's basically comparing a national hero to John Wayne Gacy?

    -Why is Diana Catwoman?

    -Why is Alfred building everything?

    -How did the world's greatest detective think "The White Portugese" was a person, not a ship, anchored five miles from him?

    -How many people does Batman kill in this movie? I'm thinking a dozen.

    -Why did Superman stop the Batmobile, and not the fifteen thugs firing automatic weapons on the street?

    -After Superman destroys the Batmobile and threatens Bruce, how is Alfred not on board?

    -WHY DID LEX ARM HIS THUGS IN AFRICA WITH BULLETS HE PERSONALLY MADE?

    -How did Lex Luthor sneak a Mason jar of piss into the Senate?

    -Why did Lex blow up Mercy?

    -How did Clark not hear, see, or smell the bomb? I get he gives the "maybe I didn't want to" line, but that's bullshit.

    -Why does Wonder Woman give a fuck about a photo from 1918, if she left the world of men a hundred years ago?

    -He's building a suit of power armor and a twenty pound increase in his bench press means nothing againist a guy who can redirect a hurricane with a fart, so why is Bruce killing himself with superhard work outs?

    -Seriously, what the fuck is Lex Luthor's plan? Kill Superman, ???, Profit?

    -What the fuck was Pa Kent's speech about? In MoS, he was willing to die saving a fucking dog, just so Clark wouldn't expose himself, now he's all "Your job comes with costs?"

    -No one notices Clark and Superman going missing at the same time?

    -In TDKR, Bruce stops drinking when he goes back to being Batman, why is Bruce still a drunk?

    -How many guns is Batman going to use in this movie?

    -Were those Parademons?

    -Was that the Flash? Why does he have a fucking beard?

    -Okay, seriously, what is Lex's plan? Is he gonna release Doomsday if Batman wins, anyway?

    -Why does the Kryptonian ship just accept Lex?

    -Why does Lex put his blood into Doomsday?

    -How does Lex know Clark is Superman?

    -How doesn't Bruce?

    -How many times are we going to use Lois as a damsel in distress?

    -How does Clark know Bruce is Batman?

    -What is Batman's plan here? Shouldn't he have held onto the spear?

    -Why does Superman keep walking into traps he could easily see with his Supersenses?

    -Why does he keep walking forward instead of explaining the situation to Batman? "Lex Luthor has my mom, I need your help?"

    -Wait, why does he need Batman's help? Exactly what does Bruce do that he can't?

    -I actually don't hate the Martha thing. Why hadn't I noticed that before?

    -Why were all those teasers for other movies on Lex's flash drive? Why wasn't Diana more excited?

    -Is that a Mother Box in the Cyborg Thing?

    -Why was the US Government so quick to nuke Superman, just after he'd regained their trust?

    -WHY DOESN'T BRUCE GO GET THE SPEAR AND GO BACK TO THE UNINHABITED ISLAND, RATHER THAN LEAD DOOMSDAY INTO GOTHAM?

    -HOW DOES LOIS KNOW THEY NEED THE SPEAR AGAIN? No one has said anything to her, how does she know Doomsday is Kryptonian?

    -Why doesn't Superman give the weapon that can kill Doomsday to the person that's actually kicking his ass, AKA Wonder Woman? 

    -Which numbnuts decided that the best way to build a Justice League movie and shared universe is to kill fucking Superman?

    -Why doesn't Superman heal? He healed from a nuclear fucking explosion in seconds, like ten minutes ago.

    -Why does DC hate Superman so much?

    -Why can't we mail Zack Snyder back to the Frozen Tundra of Green Bay, WI?

  3. Favorite characters

    in Banter

    Posted

    Characters that I light up with joy when I read: The Question, The Thing, Batman, Deadpool, Jesse Custer, Hercules/Amadeus Cho, Frankenstien. 

    Characters I've Just Glommed onto for whatever reason: Hawkeye, Iron Fist, Hellboy, Damian Wayne, Machine Man, Jimmy Olsen, Kyle Rayner, Barbra Gordon, Big Barda. 

  20. Deadpool

    in Comic Book Adaptations

    Posted

    Also, I gotta talk about Colossus. 

    The original trilogy of X-Men films kinda made him a nothing character. This, however was perfect. Pure Pete. He's this big, hopeful, good hearted dude, and he's legitimately everything I wanted out of the character on the big screen. Sure, he was kind of a doofus goody-two shoes, but that's the character!

  21. Deadpool

    in Comic Book Adaptations

    Posted · Edited by Preston

    That was exactly what it needed to be. Oh my god, that was wonderful. Deadpool trying to beat up Colossus on the freeway was probably as close to comics as any moment I've seen in a Marvel movie. 

    And yeah, it was hilarious, which I never doubted, but the fact that they inserted that genuine pathos into the character is what pushed it beyond forfor me. 

     

    I lost my shit when Bob: Agent of (Not) Hydra showed up.