SuaveStar Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Well, if you ever read my profile, you would know that I once claimed to be a stand-up comedian. Oh god what a train wreck that was. Well, I hope to go back to it in the new year! But I need to have new material. So what I'm going to use this thread as is a place to post random jokes that come to mind in and see if any sound funny, then use them in a set at some point. Also I will be adding a video of my first official stand up performance here soon. So get ready to not be entertained. First set of jokes: have you ever got so drunk, that you actually sobered up a bit and actually said to yourself: "Maybe shagging this six year old wasn't the best idea I ever had...." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Uh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Um... yeah. As someone that's done stand up before, here's some advice. Firstly, stand up usually doesn't translate well to the written word because it's much more in how you say things than what you say in most cases. Secondly, your joke wasn't funny. Just a poor attempt at being offensive. The best humor is stuff that everyone can relate to. Try to go more in that direction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koete Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Yeah... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slothian Posted November 23, 2008 Report Share Posted November 23, 2008 I'd add to the sentiment that a) the written word can't hold a candle to the perfomance of the joke, and b) using a joke to suggest you're a paedophile is, at best, ill-judged. And I sincerely hope you take this on board because it's one thing for an internet board not to find a joke funny, it's another thing to have a live audience react badly to that kind of joke. Especially when it comes down to fucking children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dread Posted November 23, 2008 Report Share Posted November 23, 2008 In my opinion, 97% of people currently making a living at stand-up comedy should NOT be up there. It takes a really special and intelligent person to make it work. I've done it once, it was semi-successful because of my ability to turn a heckler into a pool of dick joke soup and my end joke, and will never do it again. The ONLY time I have ever heard a paedophilia joke work was Bill Hicks and you nor I nor anyone else will never be as smart or as edgy as him. Even that was questionable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DCAUFan1051 Posted November 23, 2008 Report Share Posted November 23, 2008 suave dude you'd be better off attempting cake humor then that joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
George W. Posted November 23, 2008 Report Share Posted November 23, 2008 I'll echo what everyone has said, timing and delivery is the key to any joke. If you open with that, the only thing you'll hear from the audience is crickets chirping. If you said 16 year old, that could evolve into a a funny story. If you said 60 year old, that could evolve into a funny story. With the 6 year old, you have no where to go (unless your going for the nonsensical transition material)l. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stavros Posted November 23, 2008 Report Share Posted November 23, 2008 Try to construct a fictional scenario, something less incriminating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dread Posted November 23, 2008 Report Share Posted November 23, 2008 I'll echo what everyone has said, timing and delivery is the key to any joke. If you open with that, the only thing you'll hear from the audience is crickets chirping. If you said 16 year old, that could evolve into a a funny story. If you said 60 year old, that could evolve into a funny story. With the 6 year old, you have no where to go (unless your going for the nonsensical transition material)l. This is good advice. You throw yourself into hell with a 6 year old reference but the non-extremes give you a path to hilarity. We all know it's not a joke for you but you should be capable of finding a joke in the act of lovemaking with one three times your age... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuaveStar Posted November 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2008 OK. So everyone is agreed, that joke is a fucking train wreck. OK. I'm trying to upload to youtube an old video of myself doing my first gig from 2007 just to show how I used to do stand up, this was before I was able to stay calm on stage and not worry about getting laughs. It was my first gig. I may just go back to the drawing board then. I can't really do scenarios as I just can't set them up well and then be able to pull the rug out from under the audience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 23, 2008 Report Share Posted November 23, 2008 Unless your last name is Bruce, Hicks, or Carlin, you really shouldn't try to go for the "shocking" stuff too much. It's been duplicated so much at this point that it doesn't stand out at all. I've only done two sets my entire life, and I'm far from an expert on the topic, but I can tell you what I've learned. Comedy tends to have three main facets to it - tone, familiarity, and exaggeration. Tone is pretty much in the presentation. How you stand, talk, what words you emphasize. Chris Rock stands straight up and almost punches you in the face with words, Lewis Black constantly has his hands fluttering in front of his face as if he's trying to grasp the absurdity he talks about, Mitch Hedburg was stoned out of his gourd, and made it sound like all of his jokes were just coming out of his head at that moment. Generally, you don't want to pull a Dane Cook and run around the stage like a chicken with your head cut off. Familiarity is pretty self explanatory. You have to start from a base that everyone can understand and relate to. Once you have them in there, you can pretty much go in any direction you want. Most people can't relate to fucking a six year old, but everyone knows it takes a long time to boil a pot of water. You can go from there with the exaggeration. Talk about how you had time to take 47 martial arts classes and became Batman in the time it took you to make some goddamn noodles. If you look around and constantly ask yourself "isn't it weird how...?", things will just come to you in most cases. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuaveStar Posted November 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2008 Thanks for your support everyone. I am trying to upload my first stand up performance from over a year and a half ago. I'll post the link in here for it. I have to say my favourite comics are Jimmy Carr Richard Pryor off the top of my head. I don't mean they are the people I copy when doing stand up, as I learned one thing that every stand uup has to remember, never steal anyone elses jokes, as you will come across as a lazy prick to the audience, and two you won't do the joke properly and it won't be funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuaveStar Posted November 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 My first stand up gig. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 Your first stand up gig is you talking over a Tiny Toons video? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuaveStar Posted November 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 OK. I may have fucked up these videos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuaveStar Posted November 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 ok I did fuck up. can this thread be changed to "Lessons on being a fucking idiot thread?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 We're dealing with links, not missiles here. It's not the end of the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuaveStar Posted November 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 I've tried putting i up on youtube four times and its been refused for being a duplicate every time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aaron Robinson Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 Calm down Suave. The thread won't lose importance if you post the video later on. It might be worth watching it to check before posting the link though . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuaveStar Posted November 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 Finally got the video up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 Due to my blatant Americanism, I could barely understand a word you were saying, but it didn't seem that bad. You definitely didn't bomb or anything, which is a plus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuaveStar Posted November 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 Thanks Dubs. Well it's not really the fact that your American as it is the fact that I talked way too bloody fast. Thankfully I learned to slow down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 And hey, at least you have a video documenting the occasion. All I have from my gigs are some transcripts and a match book that I took from the bar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuaveStar Posted November 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 So your the reason we're not allowed matches anymore....... Your right, but at least we have the memorys of having the balls to go on a stage and trying to make a room full of people laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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