G.I. Joe


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  • 4 weeks later...

The novelization comes out on June 23. I don't understand why these things come out so early. I remember reading Revenge of the Sith before the movie came out and it kind of ruined my excitement when I saw it for the first time. I'm sure this sounds strange coming from someone that reviews scripts of movies before they are out but there is a difference.

1. Scripts go through many changes and leaked versions are almost always vastly different from what ends up on screen.

2. Seeing a new Star Wars movie is an experience unlike any other, particularly if you are old enough to have seen Return of the Jedi in the theater the first time.

Also, I think they stole this cover from one of the Star Wars movies:

gijoenovel.jpg

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Just saw it (I dressed up like Shipwreck. Don't ask.) and I got to say, it was a terrible movie but at least it was laughably bad unlike Transformers where I wanted to inflict physical pain upon myself. I could see watching this movie when I need to make fun of something and Showgirls or Batman & Robin isn't readily available. That all said, it does have some bad moments and Christopher Eccleston is the shining light in it.

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We are a cult Suavestar. Every summer we gather and start a huge bonfire with the combined reflective power of our lens. Then we take thirteen heathens with perfect eyesight and roast them alive to appease our dark, bespectacled God. After that we go to T.G.I. Fridays, come back, roast some marshmallows, and call it a night.

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We are a cult Suavestar. Every summer we gather and start a huge bonfire with the combined reflective power of our lens. Then we take thirteen heathens with perfect eyesight and roast them alive to appease our dark, bespectacled God. After that we go to T.G.I. Fridays, come back, roast some marshmallows, and call it a night.

I knew it!

I really hope I didn't offend anyone with my last comment, as I just realised it could be construed as me being a jackass.

Anyway, on topic(Because someone is probably going to kick my ass in a minute) is this movie just the crappy tie-in to sell more figures that it looks to be?

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Anyway, on topic(Because someone is probably going to kick my ass in a minute) is this movie just the crappy tie-in to sell more figures that it looks to be?

No, this time the toys are the crappy attempt to cash in on the movie which was a crappy attempt to push out a G.I. Joe movie before the studio lost the franchise license.

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We are a cult Suavestar. Every summer we gather and start a huge bonfire with the combined reflective power of our lens. Then we take thirteen heathens with perfect eyesight and roast them alive to appease our dark, bespectacled God. After that we go to T.G.I. Fridays, come back, roast some marshmallows, and call it a night.

...Fuck.

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We are a cult Suavestar. Every summer we gather and start a huge bonfire with the combined reflective power of our lens. Then we take thirteen heathens with perfect eyesight and roast them alive to appease our dark, bespectacled God. After that we go to T.G.I. Fridays, come back, roast some marshmallows, and call it a night.

O Lord! O Jesus Christ!

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One of us... One of us...

BTW: Nothing about this movie looks not horrible. This might set records for most idiotic clusterfuck ever to have a shitpile of money thrown at it. And that's hard when Michael Bay is making movies. At least Stav called those a "Chimera of sex and robots fighting." That makes it sound cool at least. This? This has nothing.

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