I need some dirt on The Flash...


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Wally West specifically.

I have constant nerd debates with a co-worker of mine, and I made the off handed comment that I wasn't a fan of the Flash. As a DC fanatic, this deeply offended him.

Two weeks later and I'm now on a Flash smear campaign, and I'm running out of material. We've basically been on a Marvel vs DC kick forever, and now he's dogging Quicksilver. I can't touch the speed debate, so I'm going elsewhere for my hatred, baseless or not. Come Monday, we're going to present our individual sets of evidence before an impartial third party, who will then decide who the cooler character is, before we move on to the next silly battle.

So far I've pointed out that the Speed Force is an overly vague, bullshit element that DC has never fully explained, I've also pointed out the frequency of Flashes dying every time a big event comes along.

I need more ammo.

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All joking aside, one could claim that Wally has no real grasp of who he really is. After the death of his uncle, Wally became the next Flash. Before that he was Kid Flash. Never has he been a hero that wasn't modeled on Uncle Barry. He's not his own man, is what it boils down to. (Not that I believe this, but, yeah, the argument could be made.)

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Sex with "the fastest man alive" can't be very lengthy.

They actually proved that wrong in the tv series. He's like the energizer bunny because of his metabolism.

Okay, then he fucks her raw and / or turns her pussy into chewed bubble gum. Either way, she's not happy.

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Dude, we're WAY past the point of logical debate.

Seriously, I've gotten to photocopying pictures from DC vs Marvel of the 3 panels in which Quicksilver was beating up the Flash.

Thankfully, our next debate is going to be a shit load easier for me to win. Scarlet Witch vs Zatanna.

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Sex with "the fastest man alive" can't be very lengthy.

They actually proved that wrong in the tv series. He's like the energizer bunny because of his metabolism.

Okay, then he fucks her raw and / or turns her pussy into chewed bubble gum. Either way, she's not happy.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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So far I've pointed out that the Speed Force is an overly vague, bullshit element that DC has never fully explained

The big problem I have with the SF is that, if I understand it correctly, every single character in the DCU could theoretically be the Flash, if only they figured out how to connect to it.

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I would concede, because no matter what you say, it can and will always be trumped by "At least Flash didn't want to fuck his sister." Game over.

Nah. He doesn't know nearly a goddamn thing about the Marvel U.

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