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The Master

The minor annoyances thread

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There's actually a literary journal that only accepts submissions if you can send five rejection letters alongside your story so there's a reason for keeping those rejection letters. That and once you get published in Best American Short Stories 2010, you can write this people and stick it in their face... and offer them your first story after your previous success.

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There's actually a literary journal that only accepts submissions if you can send five rejection letters alongside your story so there's a reason for keeping those rejection letters. That and once you get published in Best American Short Stories 2010, you can write this people and stick it in their face... and offer them your first story after your previous success.

HA!

Oh, and "offer"? No, nonononono. One never, EVER types the word "offer" in a submission cover letter. Because it will make slush pile readers HATE YOU (and your shitty story).

Perhaps I speak from experience *shudder*

Edit:

Actually, the context of the "offer" matters.

"I'm offering this piece for your consideration" = good!

"I'm offering you the opportunity to publish my piece" = douche bag!

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I play fast and loose with comedy, fantasy, sci-fi and western stuff. Anything really. I've submitted to some local stuff and gotten the form letters, which was a bit crushing.

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Preston, check out duotrope.com if you haven't already. Fantastic publishing market database, and you can search by genre/pay scale/medium, everything. And they have a fun submissions tracker. It's like crack, really.

And comedy you say? One of the editors at the anthology I read for, he likes the funny. Think about sending something their way, maybe, when submissions open again. I make no promises, as I am only a lowly slush pile reader and have 0 sway and will likely not read your sub anyhow.

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"I'm offering this piece for your consideration" = good!

That's the way I meant it however, phrasing is key with cover letters so the fact it could have been read either way shows there's room for practice on my part. Cover letters: knowing how to write them is a good thing, even if the slush reader just glances at it for five seconds.

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"I'm offering this piece for your consideration" = good!

That's the way I meant it however, phrasing is key with cover letters so the fact it could have been read either way shows there's room for practice on my part. Cover letters: knowing how to write them is a good thing, even if the slush reader just glances at it for five seconds.

THIS.

A quick "Please find attached "____________," my _________ submission. It is ___________ words/pages.

Thank you in advance for your time.

Best,

_____________"

and a VERY short, UNDERSTATED bio is best. Laundry list bios are a pain in the ass, because they beg to be read, and checked on, and mocked. And by the time the reader gets to the attachment, well, they've already made some snap judgments.

Also, DC20: you write/submit? What to where?

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"I'm offering this piece for your consideration" = good!

That's the way I meant it however, phrasing is key with cover letters so the fact it could have been read either way shows there's room for practice on my part. Cover letters: knowing how to write them is a good thing, even if the slush reader just glances at it for five seconds.

THIS.

A quick "Please find attached "____________," my _________ submission. It is ___________ words/pages.

Thank you in advance for your time.

Best,

_____________"

and a VERY short, UNDERSTATED bio is best. Laundry list bios are a pain in the ass, because they beg to be read, and checked on, and mocked. And by the time the reader gets to the attachment, well, they've already made some snap judgments.

Also, DC20: you write/submit? What to where?

First day of English 493, Short Story Writing Seminar, my prof passed around a pile of some of the worst offenders from the submissions he'd recieved for the campus lit mag. It came down to a lot of people going into great detail about their life, mentioning all the people you've never heard of they've stdied with. One read like a form letter for a plumbing service.

I write short stories mostly, mainly things with some dark humor or just normal humor. I've submitted only a couple of times, still feel that I need to polish my skills a bit more first before I'll feel absolutely confident in sending something in.

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I write short stories mostly, mainly things with some dark humor or just normal humor. I've submitted only a couple of times, still feel that I need to polish my skills a bit more first before I'll feel absolutely confident in sending something in.

If you ever need a reader/commenter/copy editor, lemme know.

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I write short stories mostly, mainly things with some dark humor or just normal humor. I've submitted only a couple of times, still feel that I need to polish my skills a bit more first before I'll feel absolutely confident in sending something in.

If you ever need a reader/commenter/copy editor, lemme know.

Speaking about a copy editor...

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I write short stories mostly, mainly things with some dark humor or just normal humor. I've submitted only a couple of times, still feel that I need to polish my skills a bit more first before I'll feel absolutely confident in sending something in.

If you ever need a reader/commenter/copy editor, lemme know.

Speaking about a copy editor...

Yes?

Or do you mean to continue with: "You used 'lemme' in your solicitation. FAIL."?

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Fuck my family.

What happened?

Just my brother who I haven't spoke to in months, telling me what I should be doing with my life.

When I was telling him what I was doing and how I had a year long plan to be were I want to be in a years time. He then starts giving me some shitty spiel about what I should doing,, basically telling me what to do, when I told him moments before I was doing it myself, and contrary to what my family thinks, I do think things through.

It just annoys me how my family makes judgments about me behind my back and expect me to just live with them.

It's just annoying, if your going to try and be a prick and insult me, then get all the facts first and not jump to conclusions.

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Fuck my family.

What happened?

Just my brother who I haven't spoke to in months, telling me what I should be doing with my life.

When I was telling him what I was doing and how I had a year long plan to be were I want to be in a years time. He then starts giving me some shitty spiel about what I should doing,, basically telling me what to do, when I told him moments before I was doing it myself, and contrary to what my family thinks, I do think things through.

It just annoys me how my family makes judgments about me behind my back and expect me to just live with them.

That sucks, but that's family. I know it is a lot easier said than done, but just fucking IGNORE them, man. Sometimes families like to pick one member to harsh on constantly, because they gain loads of satisfaction knowing they are more "successful" than said member (by whatever their measure of "successful" happens to be, that is). Just come 'round here to get the cheer leading :happy:

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Yeah, you’re right, I'm the youngest of five, but the biggest of the lot of them at around 6ft 2 and really I usually try and not let them bother me. It's just every once in a while one annoying thing gets through, but fuck it. I really do, what I feel is best for me at the end of the day and even if it makes no sense to anyone else, as long as I can make it work for me, and I'm ok with it, then there’s no one else I need to tell explain myself to.

Maybe that's why my acting career ended so abruptly with me changing career to media student.

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Am back from hospital now, I was released yesterday morning. What was supposed to be a 1/2 hour to an hour basic sinus operation turned into 3 hours because they decided to remove a cartilage spur whilst they were in there. After about 16 hours (including about 4 hours sleep) the blood flow finally stopped enough to discharge me. I only took a couple of paracetamol that whole time because there genuinely wasn't any pain, but I started to feel it last night so I broke into the codeine they gave me.

Its basically like having flu but not being able to sneeze or blow my nose for fear of starting to bleed again.

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Codeine KO'd me in about 20 minutes last night, so I figure I'll do OK just with that. Mostly I'm just sat at home waiting for UFC 100 tonight and trying to figure out how long my stock of ice creams is going to last. I'm think I'm down to my last Solero.

I may have to venture out later. I need vital supplies like balsam tissues and this weeks comics.

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Right, now my mum is getting on my last nerve.

I swear to god, I am so close to actually screaming in her face to mind her own fucking business.

Heres what happened minutes ago:

My nephew who's five was in my room, I go and get him a comic I got him, he then grabs my DCBS order and says he wants to read Batman. I say sure, and will read it with him.

My mum walks in and starts speaking to me like I'm five and in trouble saying I have to get my comics in the bin and how he can't read.

The best way to describe my mum is a more realistic version of Marie from everybody loves Raymond.

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