Random question that's in no way related to the Christmas special


slothian

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As we've been hyping, Episode 13 of HAA! is a top secret Christmas special bonanza in which we're taking a break from the regular format. Now, we know exactly what we'll be covering, but, just as a hypothetical.......

If the Brothers Wilson were to review a Disney movie, what would you have it be? Restricted to non-Pixar movies, although live action would be permittable as long as it was under the Disney banner (not Touchstone, or any other studio owned by Disney).

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Animated:

  • Beauty and the Beast is the high point of the Disney Renaissance. Sure, The Lion King is more well loved but only one of the two got nominated for Best Picture. Just saying.
  • The Black Cauldron almost killed Disney's animated division and... it's actually not that bad. No songs, very dark, and, despite being considered the bastard child, it's still pretty damn good.
  • Cinderella is probably one of the best of the "classic" Disney films. The problem with, say, Snow White, is that our protagonist has no personality. With Sleeping Beauty, it's all about Maleficent vs the Fairies with the human characters stuck between. Cinderella is the only one of the three OG Princesses that is her own character and has sidekicks who don't totally steal the spotlight. Plus, it's still rather beautiful.
  • One Hundred and One Dalmatians is British and has the second most iconic of all the Disney villains.
  • The Emperor's New Groove is a diamond in a pile of shit. It and Lilo and Stitch are the good films from during Disney's decade of crap. New Groove has John Goodman, humor, and what feels like genuine heart. Also, Eartha Kitt.

Live-Action

  • 101 Dalmatians is both better and worse than it's animated original. Glenn Close is killer as Cruella but most of the other humans are a little less stellar. But it does have Hugh Laurie as one of her henchmen!
  • Mary Poppins is worth it for one reason: Ian vs That Terrible Accent that Dick Van Dyke puts on.
  • Freaky Friday (The original or remake) are both dandy with some great performances. Lindsay Lohan doesn't suck in a movie!
  • Bedknobs and Broomsticks might be saved for the inevitable Angela Landsbury HIAA but, for right now, I kinda prefer it to Mary Poppins. It's all during WW2, has precocious children who never get annoying, and Angela Motherfucking Lansbury.
  • The Parent Trap because Hayley Mills does a good job of playing twins and it also has Maureen O'Hara as their mother.

As a sidenote, a part of me wanted to suggest The Straight Story because of how odd it is. It's a G-Rated David Lynch movie. But, it never truly feels Disney. Same reason I left The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe out. It's great but it never truly feels Disney.

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The Emperor's New Groove is a diamond in a pile of shit. It and Lilo and Stitch are the good films from during Disney's decade of crap. New Groove has John Goodman, humor, and what feels like genuine heart. Also, Eartha Kitt.

I have this feeling like you are forgetting something. Just can't quite put my finger on it...

5themesong.jpg

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