Every Film You've Watched in 2023

[S-T]

Transformers: The Last Knight - This is not the worst Transformers movie, by far, but it is 18,000 dinglehoffers more incomprehensible than the others.

I asked this before, but why do they bleed? They are robots. Grimlock actually vomits at one point. It's a robot. Why would a robot puke?

Bumblebee can disassemble and reassemble himself at will. Fireball!

Why is the John Goodman robot fat? And why is he smoking a cigar? Why does he have a beard?

No one mentioned Merlin and his staff in TWELVE HOURS of movies before this? No one mentioned that Earth was actually Unicron in TWELVE HOURS of movies before this?

There are baby Dinobots? How are there baby Dinobots? Do Transformers reproduce sexually?

After Megatron has tried to destroy the human race multiple times they are now trusting him and working with him. I literally burst out laughing when that alliance was announced. The humans are working with the Decepticons to hunt the Autobots. Of course, Megatron turns on the humans the first chance he gets. The human characters get dumber with every movie. Not even Sam Witwicky was this stupid.

And "was" is the operative word. This movie confirms that Anthony Hopkins is the last surviving Witwicky. They even show a photo of Shia LaBeouf as Sam. Sadly, we don't get to see him die, as he died offscreen. He is probably in Robot Heaven.

I was really hoping when the knights came back to life at the very end that they would break into a song and dance routine singing the "knights of the round table" song from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If that happened I would give this movie a quarter of a star!

They cannot stand for Megatron to be the top bad guy, can they? They have to make him a henchman of the primary bad guy.

It was bad, but the others are worse. Not exactly a high bar.

[Dread]

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: Jeff Strand told me to watch the movie before I read his novelization, so I did. This movie is surprisingly funny. I laughed throughout. There's a crazy real helicopter crash in the opening minutes of the movie and then the rest sort of proceeds like a loose plot delivered more like a sketch show pacing. I can't wait to see how he turned this into a novel. Haha!

• Features: 57
• Shorts: 
• Documentaries: 6
• Rewatches: 3

[Donomark]

Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse

Saw this twice like I did with the first film, and with No Way Home just to give the experience a strong think. I'll give fuller thoughts elsewhere but for now I feel that this is a seriously important comic book film and a transcendent piece of media in western animation. Screw Spider-Man adaptations (although it's a brilliant one at that), there's way more going on in this movie than just doing in-jokes on the franchise. We're talking about an explosion of cultural representation. The art design, music and writing are all so strong that there's nothing else like it. The closest it feels is anime, and the more thematically exploratory kind like Cowboy Bebop. Many people complain that it's in unfinished story, and it is, but for the time I had with this one, there were so many terrific qualities to this that it's separate from the whole of the story on a pen-to-paper plot standard. 

[slothian]

16 hours ago, Donomark said:

Many people complain that it's in unfinished story, and it is, but for the time I had with this one, there were so many terrific qualities to this that it's separate from the whole of the story on a pen-to-paper plot standard. 

Empire Strikes Back is also an unfinished story; I reject that line of criticism.

Yet to see the new Spider-verse film.

[Donomark]

Tombstone: (Unofficially) Directed by and starring Kurt Russell

Been meaning to seen this for a while. I thought it was okay. Far less intricate than I was expecting. But it's a solid watch. All-star cast with Gorilla Grodd, Lois Lane, Batman, Yondu and Ego the Living Planet among them. As everyone says, Val Kilmer's Doc Holliday is absolutely the standout. Kurt Russell is pretty good too. I was surprised that Sam Eliott leaves the film by the end of the 2nd act. I agree that the film ends anticlimactically. Overall it was good, but didn't knock me out as I thought it might. 

[Dread]

On 6/10/2023 at 8:16 AM, slothian said:

Empire Strikes Back is also an unfinished story; I reject that line of criticism.

Yet to see the new Spider-verse film.

I would argue that Empire has an ending. This film does not.

[Donomark]

The Flash:

I....did not think this was very good.

Look, it's evident that the production hell on this movie ran its scars all over. This thing wrapped filming at least 2-3 years ago. With various re-shoots and the all the stuff with the larger DCU shifting, I'm not bothered by any of that. Also the director changed hands quite a bit. I can also separate Ezra Miller's performance and unending presence in the movie from their larger crimes. This isn't "All the Money in the World", it's a DC Comics movie, I can get into the headspace where I can make a clean break for two hours.

I think there are other outlying problems. For one, it is a genuine bit of misfortune that the world's had ten years of a definitive, generational Barry Allen in Grant Gustin before this came to theaters. Little kids are now fans of the Flash, and Grant in their Barry. That doesn't automatically mean they wouldn't be able to accept this version, but Miller's Barry is so aggressively weird and off-putting. Is is neurodivergent commentary? I honestly don't feel like giving the writers that much credit, because it's played for awkward comedy 100% of the time. It's way, Way WAY worse when we're inflicted with two Barrys at once. That gives Miller the opportunity to act the same character in two completely different ways, and I have to give credit where it's due and compliment the seamlessness of it. At no point are you taken out of that aspect, and they should be praised for it. But younger Barry is insufferable. Who cares if it's the point, we're saddled with this character for the rest of the film and he's abrasive and obnoxious. 

The movie also has a terrible handling of tone. It's not the mere fact of it being comedic, that's not the issue. I think the film knows when to let serious moments lay serious, so it's not an MCU thing. But the actual humor itself I find uncomfortable. The DCEU has historically distinguished itself from the MCU by having a rougher, almost meaner edge and sensibility than its competition, and I think for a Flash film it rings wrong. I find Barry unsympathetic throughout much of the use of his powers. He's always stealing stuff, and there a bit where Ezra Miller's naked for way too long that even I - ME - found pretty unpleasant. It's not the existence of humor, it's, like, fart humor. Just weird. Plus, can we kill this runner of describing the DC Heroes in the most stoner, dumbassed terms? Like, Aquaman just lives to be a goofy meme with arguing that he's a mermaid and stuff. It's beyond old by now.

Most people are feasting on the CGI criticism, and it's objectively apparent. The director argues that the low quality of it was intentional, and IDK if I buy that but personally it didn't bother me. It's blatantly fake, but not in ways which kill the scenes for me. I actually think the way Flash's speed is depicted in the first act is cool and somewhat unique, and that the Speed Force for once feels like the Speed Force from the 90s Wally West comics. That all rang true.

My favorite element of the movie is, surprisingly, Michael Keaton. It's like he never left as Batman. I've long felt that his inclusion in this kind of story made no sense, as he played an incredibly esoteric version of the character that is in almost no way reconcilable to the comics, but was cool for the time. He works in this film. The logistics of his inclusion actually don't make a lot of sense at all, but he acquits himself well. I would go on to say his big action sequence is up there as the best Batman fight scene on live-action film (because he doesn't stab anybody in the chest or some shit). Sasha Calle's Supergirl has little on the page for her to do, and kind of wastes her by the end of the movie, but she had a ton of screen presence and just looked terrific in every shot. I hope she's back for Supergirl of Tomorrow, she deserves a solo movie.

The final stretch with the continuity and meta-legacy references are, IMO, fun enough. After Across the Spiderverse and Multiverse of Madness and No Way Home, this movie didn't seem to care about actually explaining what's going on the least, so it's total fan wank. There could've been way more, and I mean WAY more than what they gave us. Some obvious references just seemed to be passed over. The CGI is bad, but in my opinion they don't exactly go into unethical terms. Without spoiling things, it's not like Rogue One where they literally try to act as though dead actors are still alive through the magic of filmmaking. People are crying foul, but I think for the kind of film this was, the result is far less bad faith than the critics are describing it as, but that may just be me.

The very last 90 seconds of the film is an instant classic, though. For all the movie's faults, that is one of the best endings to this kind of movie in the world.

Overall though, I have to imagine all of the early praise and cries of "BEST DC MOVIE EVER" were just urgent commands from higher ups to help sell this thing, because this really is not strong. There's cool stuff in it, but aside from some of the mother stuff including at the end, I could not get immersed in it. It feels like the bulk of it was done in that hazy 2016 period, where it seems they didn't know how to do these kinds of stories. I'm glad to be on the other end of it, but this will go down as a bad foot for The Flash to start out on in his big-screen solo outings. No pun intended.  

Edited June 23, 2023 by Donomark
clarification

[Dread]

Blood Creek: rewatch before recording

• Features: 57
• Shorts: 
• Documentaries: 6
• Rewatches: 4

[Dread]

The Flash: counterpoint: this is far better than any movie with this many reshoots and rewrites should ever be. It's heartfelt, fun and shows the massive power of DC characters incredibly well. A little bit of hinky CGI and Supergirl isn't a character but rather a plot device. Honestly, the opening with Batfleck in the blue cowl was enough to make this awesome to me. Best superhero movie in a long time.

edit: further thoughts: Keaton was fucking awesome to see in and out of the suit again. The scene with the babies is one of the most delightfully INSANE things I have ever seen in a movie, and I adored every second of it. Also, it has an ending.

• Features: 58
• Shorts: 
• Documentaries: 6
• Rewatches: 4

[S-T]

I have seen nothing but negative press on The Flash. I am looking forward to seeing it anyway. A college friend said he saw it and loved it.

[You Know Who]

[Davedevil]

Transformers: Rise of the Beasts - This was okay. It tries to bridge the styles of Bumblebee and the Bay films and does an okay job there. It just felt like the same old story, though having a cleaner directing style makes it a lot more palatable. I did feel for the leads but a lot of that is carried by the acting.

Mirage was fun, Optimus is a bloodthirsty bastard again (I don't know why they're so fond of that characterization), Bumblebee could've used more (his design is adorable though), Arcee was wasted. Optimus Primal was great, the other Maximals besides Air Razor were just there. Doubt I'll watch it again, but it was enjoyable enough.

[Donomark]

Robocop (1987): Directed by Paul Verhoven

I mean, whaddyu want? It's Robocop. It's a classic.

I really payed attention to the satire aspect this time 'round (my second ever viewing), as I don't think I quite clocked it the first time over 15 years ago. It's really slick, like hardly ever looking at the camera. The gratuitous violence and pure cynicism while still having genuinely moving scenes like Murphy-as-Robocop going through his old home. It's just undeniably great. Also, partly due to the premise of the character, but ALL of the bad guy actors are just relishing this script. Kurtwood Smith gives the best performance, but Miguel Ferrer is so much fun as well. "Life in the big city" is one of the craziest retorts to sympathy for a guy getting swiss-cheesed by a giant mecha I've ever heard in my life.

This was filmed in '86 and came out in '87, this was influenced a ton by Dark Knight Returns, right? In addition to the way the news is characterized somewhat, there's also the scene of Robocop bursting through a wall to apprehend a gunman with a hostage. I might be conflating inspiration with reactions, Bruce Timm has said he watched Robocop and got a big Batman vibe off of Peter Weller's visage in the robo-suit. But between the overrun city, crazy criminals, the violence and political commentary, the two are extremely similar.

[S-T]

Black Widow: So does Black Widow have super powers in the MCU? Because the amount of punishment Natasha Romanoff is taking in this movie is insane. She was taking ridiculous hard hits and falls. There's no way a human being without superpowers takes that kind of punishment and is not seriously injured or dead. If Brock Lesnar can't walk it off, your human hero can't either.

I have problems with male characters taking ridiculous punishment and no-selling it too. I've complained about the various killers in Scream not showing physical signs of the abuse they take, and the no-selling of the severe hand injury in The Crazies drove me... well... crazy!

[Donomark]

Robocop 2 and Robocop 3:

Yeah, these were pretty lousy.

Robocop 2's problem is that it's cleary made without a script. Production was during a Writer's Strike (timely!), and the original film's screenwriters were fired, so this one just meanders with subplots and no central theme or major idea beyond redoing much of the first one. In both Robocop 2 and 3, we waste time by relitigating what the first film explicitly settled on at the end: Robo IS Murphy. He's not Alan Moore's Swamp Thing I.E. a creature created in thinking he's Murphy. So going over that again is pointless. OCP trying to redo/outdo Robocop isn't a bad thing to return to, but it feels repetitive. We also don't know how Robocop's appreciably changed Old Detroit, for better or for worse. Crime is as bad as ever, and that's not impossible, but Robocop's presence is like he didn't affect a goddamn thing. Sometimes people recognize him, sometimes they don't. Didn't he make the news in the last film?

The bad guys are lame. The evil kid feels the most purely like something Frank Miller would've come up with (he co-wrote both sequels) but IDK for sure if he did. The young actor was good but he was entirely without context. Caine was a lame, OTT villain who doesn't come anywhere close to the fun menace of Clarence Boddicker for his friends. That he was a means to an end in creating Robocop 2 (the cyborg) took too long to realize. I really didn't like the mayor's acting, which flirted with outright coonery at times.

The final battle is decent though. Although the stop-motion is more obvious than ever, stuff actually happens and it's a cool visual to see Robocop having a public battle in the streets.

But there are detours about him being nicer and friendlier, there's a solid 20 minutes where he is not in the movie at all and we focus too much on the lame villains. Sgt. Reed isn't in it as much, Lewis doesn't do much of anything aside from having a Lois Griffin haircut. And the movie has an ending so abrupt and out of nowhere, I nearly had whiplash.

Robocop 3 is more recognizably bad. It's lamer and softer due to the PG-13 rating which robs the series of it's trademark uber-violence. It's plot is slightly more linear and easier to follow, but it goes for sentiment in a way that feels alien to the franchise. Robocop joining rebels fighting back against Nazi-esque gentrification is too ham-fisted of an idea to pull off earnestly without the traditional satire, that it doesn't work for the character IMO. Lewis dies and the movie barely seems to care. We have long scenes about the humanity of Robocop AGAIN, and there's more little kid shenanigans. The Japanese robots are total Miller, but they're really goofy and you're just unsure how racist they might be. This was an easier watch for me than 2 because it had the trappings of a plot, but it is hella f'n lame and not really worth viewing.

[S-T]

The Flash: I have seen a bunch of people talking trash about this one, but it was actually fun to watch. I think some of it comes from people hating on the DCEU generally and some of it probably comes from dislike of Ezra Miller personally.

Spoiler

It does acknowledge the rich history of DC movies and TV shows, placing all of them within the DC Multiverse. The Batman TV show from the in the 60's and the George Reeves Superman was a nice addition.

Spoiler

I am not sure how many people know about the failed project casting Nic Cage as Superman, so I suspect non-nerds would be a little puzzled.

Spoiler

Bringing in George Clooney at the end was really fun, and apparently shuffles Ezra Miller's Flash out of the DCEU and into his own reality for good.

The CGI was bad. It looked really fake and unfinished. They had two and a half hours for this movie, so they could have cut the parts with the bad CGI out and would not have lost anything.

But even with the bad CGI, this is worth watching. Maybe not worth spending $20 to see in the theater, but at least worth renting to watch at home. I groaned when I saw it was two and a half hours long, but it did not feel nearly that long.

One plus over Black Widow: They actually cast actors who are old enough to be Miller's mom and dad, respectively. The actors who played Black Widow's adoptive parents were 14 and 9 when Scarlett Johansson was born.

[Dread]

Taxi Driver: youngest wants to start watching some Scorsese movies, so the only two I had in physical media was this and Casino. Someone else has my Goodfellas and Raging Bull discs...We chose this because of the runtime, but Casino is a movie I enjoy a lot more. the laconic 70s style really threw him. The bleakness of the end turning into a little bit of vindication and heroism really shook him. "What was that movie even about?" Me: welcome to nihilism.

• Features: 59
• Shorts: 
• Documentaries: 6
• Rewatches: 4

[Davedevil]

Shin Kamen Rider - Tough film for me to judge, honestly. In contrast to Shin Godzilla (a wonderful introduction to its franchise) or even Shin Ultraman, (denser but still kinda easy to get), I don't know how well this would play to general audiences. 

I'd immersed myself in just about everything related to the early Kamen Rider (except the manga, which apparently informed the parts that didn't come directly from the show or weren't completely original) in the past year, so I was fine on that end but even I had a lot to keep up with. I've seen a few reactions from non-fans, some even glowing, but the esoteric nature of it must explain the muted public response to it compared to the others in the Shin series.

Still, I mostly enjoyed it. It's dense yet blunt in its themes and dialogue, but there's a lot of interesting stuff to chew on and unpack. More than any of the previous films, This is a movie made by the Evangelion guy. The action is pretty spectacular, it's visceral in ways I didn't think I would see in a Kamen Rider movie, but also has that "cheesy" appeal to it. The character designs are all spot-on, from the faithful but modernized Riders to the completely redesigned villains, everyone looks phenomenal. 

I'd be curious if it gains a bigger audience when it comes to Prime Video later in the month, I'm sure Hideaki Anno fans will have a lot to talk about, and the action scenes will probably be shared around quite a bit, but I'll be surprised if people will connect with it. So it's kind of a disappointment to me, considering I was praying for this movie to become accessible every day for the past year and was absolutely sure I'd love it completely, and walking away a little perplexed. It's a mess, but one packed with so much heart and soul, some of it akin to mine, that I can't help but like it. Possibly the strongest I've felt about a 7/10.

[Donomark]

Super Mario Bros. (1993), Resident Evil (2002), Doom (2005), and Dead or Alive

Watched all of these last week for the purposes of our latest QnoA outing, and it was a wild-ass time. Speaking briefly so as to further advertise the episode, were I to rank these four films I'd put Super Marios Bros. dead last, as it was practically about nothing and mostly went by name recognition without being anything like the games. 

Matter of fact, I'd probably go this way:

1) Resident Evil (2002)

2) Dead or Alive

3) Doom (2005)

4) Super Mario Bros.

[dc20willsave]

DOA is one of my favorite So Bad It's Good films so being 2nd on that list makes sense to me.

[Donomark]

It's pretty awesome

[S-T]

Shazam: Fury of The Gods - A lot of fun. Worth watching.

Michael Gray, who played Billy Batson in the 1970's TV show, has a cameo. That's awesome. I recognized him as soon as he appeared on screen, even though I was a kid when I last saw that show.

The number of people who would recognize him is pretty small, but it was a great addition for those of us old enough to remember it.

[S-T]

Oh, this is for @Missy, given what the Earth-2 boss thinks of Skittles.

DC really went over the top with product placement.

Spoiler

They use Skittles to get the unicorns to help them in battle.

 

[Dread]

The Out-Laws: 90 minutes of dumb fun and pretty decent action. Bank Manager Adam Devine is pretty great set against Pierce Brosnan and Ellen Barkin as his soon-to-be in-law bank robbers. And through those three loud personalities collide throughout the film, still, Nina Dobrev shows up and easy-breezy steals the camera's focus. Also, is Lil Rey in EVERYTHING? It feels like he's in everything. Michael Rooker is also great in this and he's wearing the same weird barbershop quartet hat he was wearing in the Corrective Measure movie about a super-villain prison. 

Necropolis: Legion: I can't remember much about Necropolis (only just discovered it is also on Tubi!) but Chris Alexander's sequel/remake is very much in the vein of a Jean Rollin/Jess Franco film mixed with a little Cronenberg and Warhol with a splash of Bava and Argento. Eurosleaze horror reinterpreted. Really short runtime

Parasite Lady: another film bearing the same descriptors above. This one has a lead who is someone whose face you can look at all day, which is good, because she's onscreen for damn near the whole thing. This one is only 42 minutes, so I'll count it as a short. Also on Tubi

• Features: 61
• Shorts: 1
• Documentaries: 6
• Rewatches: 4

[S-T]

Becky - Kevin James shows his range and is believable as an intimidating villain. I wasn't sure Paul Blart: Mall Cop would be believable in that role, but I was wrong.

It is a little strange how a 13 year old girl becomes Rambo at the flip of a switch. Maybe there was a line of dialogue that said she had survivalist training, but if there was I missed it.