Random movie and tv thoughts

[Koete]

Dun...dun...desperation!

[KnightWing]

Not really. That idea was already explored in a non-canon comic several years ago. I read it, and it was actually pretty good.

[Koete]

You realize that image doesn't really help your case.

[KnightWing]

*Shrug*

It's not like Star Wars is the bastion of all realism. I mean, you've got hippie frog aliens making spaceships levitate in a swamp. I can deal with cyborg resurrection.

[dc20willsave]

Razzie Nominations are out.

[Stavros]

Really hope Sex & the City 2 cleans up on these. Also really happy about the 'Worst eye gouging use of 3D' category. I'm never going to see a 3D film again I've decided, its in no way worth the extra cash, and frankly I hope it's reduced to a niche thing rather than the cinema-dominating BS it is now.

[KnightWing]

So. I went into my local library for the first time since moving here last Summer.

It's a tiny place, but it's got a decent DVD selection. Among other things, I borrowed Twilight: Eclipse (the movie), just out of morbid curiosity. Now I'm watching it, and I'll keep editing my ongoing thoughts in this post.

-

0:34 - A random guy is walking through the rain, and is attacked by a random black blur. Somebody gave Smallville-Clark Red K again.

4:14 - Ugh; this is stupid. It's entirely obvious that whoever wrote this only has a high school education. And only paid attention for about twenty minutes of an English lit class.

7:12 - So bored.

7:55 - Every song in this movie (and there are many) is apparently taken from a light rock douchebag playlist.

9:50 - Oh hey. It's not-Sokka from the not-Avatar: TLA movie. He's wearing a bright orange wig or something. I'm kinda scared.

11:18 - Hmm. Rumors of rampant vampire attacks sweeping the countryside. ABOUT DAMN TIME.

13:53 - Every secondary character in this movie acts as the voice of reason. "Are you sure about Edward, Bella? The way he watches you is really creepy." "I don't like Edward; I think he's a bad influence on you." "Hey, isn't it weird that Edward got you two plane tickets so you could travel away somewhere alone together?" And yet she doesn't pay attention.

16:15 - CG parkour through a forest. More weird-colored wigs. What the hell?

17:01 - Much as I wanna hate every character in this movie, I gotta respect the werewolves for having the brains to try and KILL EVERY BLOODY VAMPIRE IN SIGHT. Though their tendency to not wear shirts ups their douchebag level considerably.

18:38 - Jacob just got a rock music intro as he slowly turned toward the camera. It was hilarious.

19:00 - Bella to Jacob: "Why haven't you returned my calls?" Jacob: "Because I'm a moody teenage asshole, that's why."

21:00 - Even the other werewolves make reference to Jacob's "melodramatic internal monologues." Apparently, the only thing worse than being a moody teenager is being a moody telepathic teenager.

24:45 - Everyone in this movie has apparently been drinking straight-up liquid testosterone and estrogen.

28:02 - Apparently, the makeup artist's idea of "make people look pale" is "dunk their faces in baking powder."

30:00 - Watching Edward and Jacob try to one-up each other in manliness is probably the gayest thing I've ever seen.

37:56 - Bella: "After you change me into a vampire, I'll have to explain to my family why I won't be visiting at holidays and stuff..."

Edward: "After a few decades, they'll all be dead anyway, and it won't matter."

Bella: "Oh! Okay! "

41:45- I think I've spent a good half of this movie so far with my face in my hands.

42:08 - Jacob, in a DISPLAY OF HIS AFFECTIONATE MANLINESS, grabs Bella and kisses her. She pulls back and punches him in the face. His face doesn't move, and she nearly breaks her hand. HAAAAAAA.

42:45 - Jacob & Edward, their faces about four inches apart: SNARLSNARL GRRR RAWR SNARL. I seriously thought they were going to make out. Also, it turns out that Bella DID break her hand! YES!

46:30 - Flashback to... 1920s drunken gang rape? What?

46:55 - Oh. Vampire vengeance. Gotcha. Still don't care.

49:00 - Dakota Fanning and three dudes with Justin Bieber haircuts watch over an alleyway vampire mob scene in Seattle. That's either the greatest or worst thing ever; I can't decide.

50:50 - The Valedictorian at Bella's high school: "This isn't the time to make hard, fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes." That logic leads you down a bad road. I should know; I picked up this movie.

53:20 - This movie so far:

57:13 - "Twelve [Vampire] Newborns are more powerful than an army of thousands," and "no human army could stop them." Clearly, Stephenie Meyer's idea of a human military was taken from M.A.S.H.

58:25 - Now a bunch of pale dudes in turtlenecks are wrestling in the forest. This must be Steve Jobs' wet dream.

1:01:40 - Another flashback! This time to... Civil War-era Texas? Hrm. Not-Sokka's idea of a Texan accent is borderline-offensive to a native.

1:06:36 - An entire army of hipster douchebags. Somebody call Scott Pilgrim.

1:08:45 - Jacob: "You can love more than one person at a time." He totally wants a devil's three-way.

1:12:00 - Bella and her dad are having "the talk." Hmm. He's not giving her any advice on three-ways.

1:16:09 - Bella: "PLEEEEEAAAASE NAIL ME"

Edward: "WHAT? NO. NO. I'M IN LOVE WITH JACOB I COULD KILL YOU OR SOMETHING."

Bella: "IF YOU DON'T, THE PLOT WILL NEVER ADVANCE AND WE'LL BE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!"

Edward: "...damn."

1:19:00 - Why does Edward want to marry Bella? She's a complete psycho. Does he think he can change her or something?—oh, right, yeah. Vampire. =P

1:24:07 - The evil vampires are walking across the bottom of a lake, exactly like the skeletons in Pirates of the Caribbean. They even have the exact same pounding brass music in the background.

1:25:25 - Edward, Bella, and Jacob are camping alone together in a tiny tent. Man, if my three-way theory turns out to be correct...

1:26:02 - Jacob to Edward: "I am hotter than you."

1:35:40 - Bah. Nothing happened in the tent. Just more teen angst.

1:36:40 - Vampire/Werewolf army face-off. Hmm. There's actually some badassery in here. Surprising.

1:37:26 - I just realized what the vampires remind me of. Pale, dressed like hipsters, and constantly in weird statuesque/homoerotic poses? They're mannequins from The Gap.

1:40:45 - Dammit, Bryce Dallas Howard, you're too hot to be in this movie. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

1:42:30 - Oh. Looks like she did. Good for her.

1:44:15 - Jacob "had all the bones on the right side of his body shattered." He looks the same, only he's grimacing and can't move.

1:48:10 - Awww. After fighting evil vampires together, the good vampires and the werewolves are friends! Lame.

1:54:28 - Oh, wait, that last scene was the movie's climax? Dang. I had no idea.

1:55:16 - Seriously. Could they have picked actors with any less chemistry than Stewart and Pattinson? I mean, it's three movies in and I still don't know why they like each other.

1:55:30 - What?! Credits?!? THAT WAS THE ENDING?!? Guh. Seriously, NOTHING HAPPENED IN THIS MOVIE. NOTHING AT ALL. You could skip this one and miss nothing in the plot, because THERE IS NO PLOT. The characters are all in the exact same places they were at the end of the last movie; nothing's different. One evil vampire character died, but that only took two minutes of screen time. I just watched two hours of nonsense for no reason.

[Missy]

This is going to be fun!

[Venneh]

I'll get the popcorn!

[ShaunKL]

*munch munch munch* And what happens next? What happens next!?

[KnightWing]

Done.

[JackFetch]

Will Ferrell is going to be on The Office. That's nuts.

[Stavros]

A quick movie pet peeve. I'm watching GI Joe right now and Storm Shadow just hooked his two katanas together into one big double-ended sword.

Which is the stupidest weapon of all time.

The reason that you have long weapons in fights is for reach and leverage, and on a double-sword you get neither since you can only hold it in the middle. It was pretty stupid when Darth Maul did it, but at least lightsabers have different physics, the weight of the blade is not a consideration. With Katana's you're already using a double handed weapon with a long pommel designed to allow greater control and leverage. Hooking the two together eliminates all the classical sword fighting practices that developed alongside the creation of that style of sword.

To put it bluntly, it might look cool to others but to me it looks utterly moronic.

Also regarding the Baroness can't a sexy lady just be evil?

[KnightWing]

It was pretty stupid when Darth Maul did it, but at least lightsabers have different physics, the weight of the blade is not a consideration.

Actually, the idea with that one was that Maul's saber was essentially a touch-lethal staff, and he used it as such.

The Storm Shadow one, though, yeah. Katanas are curved, so there's no way that having a blade on the back end makes any sense.

[Stavros]

It was pretty stupid when Darth Maul did it, but at least lightsabers have different physics, the weight of the blade is not a consideration.

Actually, the idea with that one was that Maul's saber was essentially a touch-lethal staff, and he used it as such.

The Storm Shadow one, though, yeah. Katanas are curved, so there's no way that having a blade on the back end makes any sense.

Exactly. I mean, as I said the Maul one has different physics and could also go from single to double, so he had options in a pinch. Although the way he fought with it in no way resembled quarterstaff combat. However it's allowable because force-coordination would make it more realistic that he could predict opponent's moves and use it.

As an actual physical weapon it occurs no-where in human history for a very good reason.

[KnightWing]

Yeah, with a double-ended weapon you'd need to move your body out of the way all the time. It works for an expert gymnast like Ray Park with his lightsaber, but no ninja or samurai would ever wield such a thing. At best, it'd be useful against multiple opponents, but one-on-one combat wouldn't really make sense.

[ShaunKL]

(Therefore that's why he only popped one blade to fight Ra's al Ghul on Tatooine.)

[KnightWing]

Mmhmm. Though, ironically, it was the unorthodox usage of the second blade that let him deliver the killing blow at the end.

[Missy]

Composer John Barry has passed away. He's mostly known for working on the Bond films.

[slothian]

Adham sent me an email to link me to the news - no words except the email header "Damn"

It's a sad day.

[Missy]

So. I went into my local library for the first time since moving here last Summer.

It's a tiny place, but it's got a decent DVD selection. Among other things, I borrowed Twilight: Eclipse (the movie), just out of morbid curiosity. Now I'm watching it, and I'll keep editing my ongoing thoughts in this post.

-

0:34 - A random guy is walking through the rain, and is attacked by a random black blur. Somebody gave Smallville-Clark Red K again.

4:14 - Ugh; this is stupid. It's entirely obvious that whoever wrote this only has a high school education. And only paid attention for about twenty minutes of an English lit class.

7:12 - So bored.

7:55 - Every song in this movie (and there are many) is apparently taken from a light rock douchebag playlist.

9:50 - Oh hey. It's not-Sokka from the not-Avatar: TLA movie. He's wearing a bright orange wig or something. I'm kinda scared.

11:18 - Hmm. Rumors of rampant vampire attacks sweeping the countryside. ABOUT DAMN TIME.

13:53 - Every secondary character in this movie acts as the voice of reason. "Are you sure about Edward, Bella? The way he watches you is really creepy." "I don't like Edward; I think he's a bad influence on you." "Hey, isn't it weird that Edward got you two plane tickets so you could travel away somewhere alone together?" And yet she doesn't pay attention.

16:15 - CG parkour through a forest. More weird-colored wigs. What the hell?

17:01 - Much as I wanna hate every character in this movie, I gotta respect the werewolves for having the brains to try and KILL EVERY BLOODY VAMPIRE IN SIGHT. Though their tendency to not wear shirts ups their douchebag level considerably.

18:38 - Jacob just got a rock music intro as he slowly turned toward the camera. It was hilarious.

19:00 - Bella to Jacob: "Why haven't you returned my calls?" Jacob: "Because I'm a moody teenage asshole, that's why."

21:00 - Even the other werewolves make reference to Jacob's "melodramatic internal monologues." Apparently, the only thing worse than being a moody teenager is being a moody telepathic teenager.

24:45 - Everyone in this movie has apparently been drinking straight-up liquid testosterone and estrogen.

28:02 - Apparently, the makeup artist's idea of "make people look pale" is "dunk their faces in baking powder."

30:00 - Watching Edward and Jacob try to one-up each other in manliness is probably the gayest thing I've ever seen.

37:56 - Bella: "After you change me into a vampire, I'll have to explain to my family why I won't be visiting at holidays and stuff..."

Edward: "After a few decades, they'll all be dead anyway, and it won't matter."

Bella: "Oh! Okay! "

41:45- I think I've spent a good half of this movie so far with my face in my hands.

42:08 - Jacob, in a DISPLAY OF HIS AFFECTIONATE MANLINESS, grabs Bella and kisses her. She pulls back and punches him in the face. His face doesn't move, and she nearly breaks her hand. HAAAAAAA.

42:45 - Jacob & Edward, their faces about four inches apart: SNARLSNARL GRRR RAWR SNARL. I seriously thought they were going to make out. Also, it turns out that Bella DID break her hand! YES!

46:30 - Flashback to... 1920s drunken gang rape? What?

46:55 - Oh. Vampire vengeance. Gotcha. Still don't care.

49:00 - Dakota Fanning and three dudes with Justin Bieber haircuts watch over an alleyway vampire mob scene in Seattle. That's either the greatest or worst thing ever; I can't decide.

50:50 - The Valedictorian at Bella's high school: "This isn't the time to make hard, fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes." That logic leads you down a bad road. I should know; I picked up this movie.

53:20 - This movie so far:

57:13 - "Twelve [Vampire] Newborns are more powerful than an army of thousands," and "no human army could stop them." Clearly, Stephenie Meyer's idea of a human military was taken from M.A.S.H.

58:25 - Now a bunch of pale dudes in turtlenecks are wrestling in the forest. This must be Steve Jobs' wet dream.

1:01:40 - Another flashback! This time to... Civil War-era Texas? Hrm. Not-Sokka's idea of a Texan accent is borderline-offensive to a native.

1:06:36 - An entire army of hipster douchebags. Somebody call Scott Pilgrim.

1:08:45 - Jacob: "You can love more than one person at a time." He totally wants a devil's three-way.

1:12:00 - Bella and her dad are having "the talk." Hmm. He's not giving her any advice on three-ways.

1:16:09 - Bella: "PLEEEEEAAAASE NAIL ME"

Edward: "WHAT? NO. NO. I'M IN LOVE WITH JACOB I COULD KILL YOU OR SOMETHING."

Bella: "IF YOU DON'T, THE PLOT WILL NEVER ADVANCE AND WE'LL BE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!"

Edward: "...damn."

1:19:00 - Why does Edward want to marry Bella? She's a complete psycho. Does he think he can change her or something?—oh, right, yeah. Vampire. =P

1:24:07 - The evil vampires are walking across the bottom of a lake, exactly like the skeletons in Pirates of the Caribbean. They even have the exact same pounding brass music in the background.

1:25:25 - Edward, Bella, and Jacob are camping alone together in a tiny tent. Man, if my three-way theory turns out to be correct...

1:26:02 - Jacob to Edward: "I am hotter than you."

1:35:40 - Bah. Nothing happened in the tent. Just more teen angst.

1:36:40 - Vampire/Werewolf army face-off. Hmm. There's actually some badassery in here. Surprising.

1:37:26 - I just realized what the vampires remind me of. Pale, dressed like hipsters, and constantly in weird statuesque/homoerotic poses? They're mannequins from The Gap.

1:40:45 - Dammit, Bryce Dallas Howard, you're too hot to be in this movie. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

1:42:30 - Oh. Looks like she did. Good for her.

1:44:15 - Jacob "had all the bones on the right side of his body shattered." He looks the same, only he's grimacing and can't move.

1:48:10 - Awww. After fighting evil vampires together, the good vampires and the werewolves are friends! Lame.

1:54:28 - Oh, wait, that last scene was the movie's climax? Dang. I had no idea.

1:55:16 - Seriously. Could they have picked actors with any less chemistry than Stewart and Pattinson? I mean, it's three movies in and I still don't know why they like each other.

1:55:30 - What?! Credits?!? THAT WAS THE ENDING?!? Guh. Seriously, NOTHING HAPPENED IN THIS MOVIE. NOTHING AT ALL. You could skip this one and miss nothing in the plot, because THERE IS NO PLOT. The characters are all in the exact same places they were at the end of the last movie; nothing's different. One evil vampire character died, but that only took two minutes of screen time. I just watched two hours of nonsense for no reason.

Oh man! Can't believe I forgot to do this the other day. It's belated, but Post of the Day!

[JackFetch]

They are making The Stand into a real movie. Maybe I'll get through more than half an hour of it this time around.

[Dread]

For one, it needs to be a trilogy to be done right. Two, it's way too depressing to be done right. Three, there already is a halfway decent version out there.

[JackFetch]

A sneak peek at Power Rangers Samurai.

http://insidetv.ew.com/2011/02/01/power-rangers-samurai-video-intro-exclusive/#more-32357

[MaxPower]

I'd love Kings short story The Long Walk to be made in to a movie. Apparently the guy that made The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, and The Mist owns the rights to it.